Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 13 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 12 13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
L
LIO Offline
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
Ok I have to comment because of the Genesis song....which pops into my head every time I see your thread smile

Keep the flirty girlfriend routine. I think it's a good thing.


Me& h + S
M: 13 t: 14

H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my!
I'm done. 12/12

"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Heh, it was the first thing that popped into my head for a song title. When I went back later and re-read the lyrics I felt like it was more than appropriate. You know all the people in weird masks in the video? That's how I feel some days wink

I was actually able to get some sleep last night (not much, but some). That's I'm sure thanks to my DB knowledge. After the bomb in 3/12 I was just crying and shaking in bed all night (attractive, right??). My heart is still pounding a little but I should be able to make it to work today. Funny, H had a regular doctor's appointment on Tuesday before he went to the L and they put him on blood pressure medication. Wonder what that was from, hmmm?

I'm trying really hard to suppress the part of me that wants to be either a) totally vindictive and/or b) just completely ice cold, cutting him out entirely. In my past life I tended to cut out people who wronged me and just acted like they didn't exist. Mature, yeah? I know that's not healthy. It's just my instinct right now. Something for IC later.

Going to try to act today as if I don't want to throw the squirrel food right in the squirrel's face!

I think what really got to me this morning was that we are now legal adversaries, and that was his choice. That he said he wanted to not make things complicated or hurt me and that we should leave with what we brought and then casually mentioned that I'd be getting some interrogatories about financial stuff.... maybe the casual air for him was a defense mechanism. I don't know. I need to stop looking for even a shred of remorse. It's not going to happen.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Also, we already have tickets to two events coming up next month. One of them is a huge deal for me and I am definitely not giving up my ticket, but maybe something will suddenly come up for the other one.

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
I just caught up on your thread. You are going through so much and still found the energy to give me support...thank you.

Quote:
I'm sad because I realize how alone I've felt for a long time,
That is so true. I think as once WAW we forget that we made this decision for a reason. We weren't happy!!

I can't offer any advice as to what to do at this point. However H and I lived as a couple minus affection (actually there were some cuddles right up to the time he moved out) until he left and that made it worse. I wish I hadn't been as helpful...cooking, laundry shopping, etc. The weekend he moved out I helped arrange his furniture. The only time I've been to his place. I feel stupid for making that way out the door that much easier. I wish I had known about the 37 rules and non pursuit then.

I'd be more detached...don't help him with that guilt

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 871
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 871
Hey verab! I think your coaching session will help you tremendously. My first one brought me back from the brink of insanity for real.

I know how it feels to want to torch something...believe me. But just continue to be your calm, cool, self. Think Zen, as in Zen verab!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Thanks, folks. The coaching session countdown clock is ticking. I am reviewing threads and my personal offline journaling and just thinking over and over that he is acting "as if" he's a stubborn, impulsive, idiot fool.

Brit I know what you mean about living together and doing the household things together but not as a couple. Before my first DB session I asked him, why would you still want to (fold my laundry, offer to drive to grocery shop, watch TV together) and he said because it was "more efficient" that way.

So is fast-tracking the D, I guess.

Now that I look at my notes I can clearly see that anytime we had a positive (inviting me to dinner, making short-term daytrip plans for next month, making meals together, complimenting my cooking excessively), he followed it with a negative (my feelings haven't changed, I'm axing my life insurance policy, my friends can take our cat permanently, I'm seeing an L tomorrow "just so you know").

Deep breaths.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Phew. Okay. Good session today. Cheryl thought I had done a pretty good job overall since our last session (always nice to get those words of affirmation ;)).

I'm going to keep going as I had been until I get the papers, and then go more dark after getting them. Kind of a downgrade from best friend to wayyyy more casual friend. He seems to think we're going to stay BFF's after this. I can't do that and get on with my life. She did think that he's not acting nice or wanting to hang out out of guilt but is trying to smooth the transition to superfriendville.

Once he takes the action to serve the papers he'll have to see that's not going to play out the way he wants it to - he'll have to learn he doesn't have control over it (ain't that the nut!).

Til then, I guess I'll make a list of a few things that need to be fixed up around the house, because we can't sell it as-is. They need to be done either way, so we can work on them together.

Some of this flies so much against my instincts to shut down and get away. I get that my instincts are wrong and aren't moving me any closer to my goal - not of saving my M but of being a better person.

I feel 200% better after my session. Maybe I can get a full night's sleep tonight.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
PS - Points to LIO for calling it - to keep on keeping on for now smile

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
I'm so happy to hear that she gave you some good insight and that you feel good after the session!

Fingers crossed to your good night's sleep!

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 871
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 871
Cheryl is my coach too. She's great!

Glad she was able to help you put a plan into place. And you'll probably sleep like a baby tonight! :-)


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Page 5 of 13 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 12 13

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard