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Hey Vera, have just read your posts and am really sorry to read what you're going through - your H is behaving very similar to my H in the beginning - the majority of time he would be very pleasant and 'normal', but would then drop things in to the conversation to let me know that he hasn't changed his mind and is still proceeding with wanting me to move out. I eventually did, far too easily looking back, I wish I had stood my ground more (I didn't find this site until I had moved out). He even expected me to do the divorce because I am a family lawyer in the uk and so it's part of my every day job! (I drew the line at that!). I think we're also similar ages.

Keep following DB - it really does work. My H and I have been back and forth over the last year, culminating in a far too premature attempt at reconciliation that sent sent him plummeting backwards recently. I'm kicking myself because as soon as things were going ok, I forgot all about DB and began pushing.

I don't really have much advice, other than to say you're doing really well at not reacting-my biggest downfall, and to let you know it really can work.

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Hi Tinker - Thanks for your insight. Like I said on your thread, I've been following your story and will continue to do so.

I'm keeping with DB because it has truly saved my sense of self as a human. Before I found it I was the stereotypical mess. Now I'm a mess less often, and more often than not able to be with my friends and truly laugh with them and be a better friend to them. At the same time I'm sad because I realize how alone I've felt for a long time, but I'm determined to have a functional, healthy relationship again in the future, with H or with someone else. I think my co-workers are astounded that I'm not just crying under my desk all day!

My DB coaching session tomorrow can't come fast enough.

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Well, super. The "Conversation" was to let me know the D paperwork was filed today. He's on the bullet train to D-ville and there is no stopping this man! He actually asked if I could let him know when I will be around next week so that I can be served. HAHAHAHA!!! I guess that's why he wanted to know my travel schedule for next week.

It's more clear now that so much of what he's done recently to lead to my confusion has been out of guilt. So much for the flirty girlfriend routine.

I told him that I understood how he felt the way he did and that I did not want to stand in his way but that he should know it's a lot to throw away. He said "I know."

Well, [self-censored].

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I should note that there's only a 90-day "cooling off" period in my location.

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(((V)))

I know exactly what you are going through. I have been there. I know it's hard but try not to panic. We are here for you.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Thanks WH.

I am trying to resist the urge to torch all of H's stuff right now. I asked myself if it would move me closer to or further from my goal and I can't decide wink

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My state only has 60 days. I guess that's great for the couples who know they want to be divorced quickly, but for those of us who are DBing, it doesn't give us much time to make a difference. I know the filing will most likely come any day now, so I'm just trying to brace myself for it.


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
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60 days! The state lawmakers should be ashamed!

Re-reading the 37 Rules right now. Trying to breathe deeply.

I'd give myself a B-minus for my response to the convo. I was making dinner at the time so at least I was doing something else. He kept asking my schedule and I said I didn't know it yet. Finally I said "Frankly, this is a little rushed for me, so I don't have an answer right now." He looked miffed.

I also want to clarify my earlier statement. The flirty girlfriend wasn't a routine. It was me being my (rusty) flirty self again. Maybe he got scared of that and decided to get out before he changed his mind again cool I think I'm going to be moving more toward the LRT now. Flirty girlfriend from afar. Way afar.

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Just re-read the LRT portion of DR. Trying to practice sounding happy/content in my responses to him. Kind of struggling.

I'm also having a hard time squashing that voice in my head that thinks back to my own crisis of M identity and thinks "boy, you really got what you wished for." It's not quite true, I was definitely lost but I never totally gave up on the M. H is.

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Originally Posted By: verab754
Thanks WH.

I am trying to resist the urge to torch all of H's stuff right now. I asked myself if it would move me closer to or further from my goal and I can't decide wink


This seriously made me giggle! I am so sorry... what in the world are these men thinking? Hopefully your coaching session tomorrow can help you even more. Take care of yourself!


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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