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Mr. B when talking with her its almost like talking with an 8 year old. She flips out etc.. If you saw the email I just received about how she will be coming after vaca house and digging into all biz financials. She won't let me have vaca house to use with kids etc..

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It's coming down to no discussions about D accept lawyers

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Then you drive the train and take care of business first. Stop having her call the shots.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Ok. I really need to learn better not to react. Has anyone on this forum really really struggled with this and then learned not to do it. If so what was the easiest path to do so. One of the things I recently reacted to was a HATE email she sent to me literally 15 minutes before kid pick up. The reaction got me no where. I knew it wouldn't but I still reacted.

Is the counselor the only option to learn triggers and becoming non reactive. That other group EE.org. They got back to me but not available until the fall.

Whether I'm divorced or reconciled I need to stop reacting. Not only to W but other real life situations. Family. Job etc..

I know if I don't react to her eventually she will stop. I struggle here badly and here is the KICKER. I do not want to struggle here. I do not want to react. I truly want to get better here. Not only for her but for me, the kids, job relationships, friend relationships etc.

The hard part is my W knows me. 11 years and she knows exactly what button to push and when. It's almost just wrong lol.

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are there any situations where you can control your reactions? if so, then you will have to translate that ability to control your emotions to other arenas. i have a niece who uses very foul language around her immediate family. she never does around me because she controls it. if she can control it around me, she is capable of controling it all the time.
are you just making excuses?


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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Its mostly when me and my W start discussing something. She will get esculated and heated very quick sometimes. Name calling etc. Then she wants to stop talking completely about it. I will sometimes follow her room to room trying to keep discussion going until I finally stop and give up. I need to be able to not react or detect very quickly the conversation going south and walk away. So I'm AWARE that I do this sometimes.

The last time was the hate email before kid pickup. I went into the house with that steaming on my mind. I talked to my counselor and said he will continue to work with me on this. He also mentioned that situation was a tough one but I could have handled it better.

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NM, I'd put some stuff out a while back to practice not reacting. Seems you believe the only time you react is with your W. I suspect that isn't so, but you believe it, so that's OK and I accept that.

It took me going dark and as N/C as possible to get to a place where I did not react.

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KD. Refresh my memory. Do you have kids with your ex? I seem to interact with my W almost daily which drives me crazy. KD I don't think my W is the only person I react to. I'm saying the majority of it is right now. Due to the sitch.

Is there away to search the threads or do I have to dig back through all of them.

The best I could do is go dim..

She went out the other night with 3 single guys. Believe it or not I didn't say a thing to her. I kind of think it makes her look stupid.

Anyways I really feel when I react things happen so quickly before I know it I'm in a middle of a "crap" storm for lack of better words.

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Yes NM, I have two mid school kids.

Don't worry about "the best I could do is dim..." A lot of what I see in your words is what you WANT to do or what you COULD do... It is time to hear what you HAVE done... what your ARE doing...

NM, I left the marital home in order to stop reacting and being a potentially negative example for my kids...

DO what you need to do... even if you have to wrap your head around what's best for the kids... if you HAD to go N/C and just drop out in order to figure your stuff out... then do that...

Figure your stuff out... because if you do not, you can be no benefit to your kids...

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Well the biggest step KD that I have done recently is I am in the process of signing a 1 year lease on a bigger nicer place for me and the kids. That is a big step for me to do and wasn't easy for me to do.

I didn'nt start reacting again until i received the email threats that my W would basically try to sink me if I didn't do things her way.

It is tough to start seeing this stuff effect my S. He is acting out. Not participating in Tball and saying stuff in front of mom about us being a part.

I did call my W Sunday night to ask her what she wanted in this D. That I finally accepted her decision and I would help it go as smoothly as possible. I said I assume you have a L lined up this week and wanted to chat before things proceeded.

Guess what she says. I haven't got a L yet. I actually said at one point "Do you truly want a D". She couldn't really answer it.
I think we both acting off emotions so much lately.

But KD back to your original point. I am down to min to N/C outside kids.

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