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Can I get someone's opinion seriously. I really think my wife has PMMD and there is no possible way for me to ever address it. The last 2 weeks where I was threatened with d, dragged into a mediator office and asked to xfer funds into her acct to pay for retainer for a L. That was my life for the last 2 weeks. She literally gets her you know what (cycle) on Monday and she talking to me like we are friends and like none of this ever happened. L talks vanish. This has been my life for almost 3 years. I so want the M to work but I just can't see how with this underlying issue. I can work on my stuff until I'm PURPLE. Has anyone experienced such craziness. Trying NOT to react to this behavior is like trying to quit smoking and working at a bar full of smokers.
What ever her reasons for "cycling"... there is nothing... nothing... nothing... nothing... that you can do to make it stop...
OMG NM, let it go! When she is ready, she will take care of it... IF SHE thinks it's a problem for her...
4 months now we've been hearing about this... that's horrible... we know... there's nothing you can do about it...
But you can choose how YOU deal with it.
It took me a year to get to where I am now... but I had to let go of that stuff... my W's behaviours that had way too much negative effect on me...
It took me choosing to accept that is simply who she was... and deciding whether I would accept her back into my life WITH those behaviours... but at the very least, that I would choose to no longer trigger from those behaviours... at least to the extent that I used to...
You are welcome to keep focusing on that and letting it consume you... but doing so will not help the M... nor will it help you...
The times when your WAW is the nicest to you are the times when you should be pulling back even further. Stop being a yo yo that is simply being walked like a dog until your WAW decides to yank on the string to reel you in.
Detach my friend!
Me48 W50 S15 S11 M20 T23 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
KD thx for posting that earlier today. It really hit home. It is those mood swings that trigger my reactions. It is amazing when she is nice to me how my anxiety goes way side. Almost pathetic like behavior.
2thepoint. I wish I could detach my friend. I wish there was a switch. I feel the only way I'll ever detach is when she is gone. Sad and scary. I'm trying to wake up everyday and say who cares. I'm failing. I'm honest. I'm aware.
I wish i could wake up tomorrow and say I don't care what is going to happen. If I get a D I get a D. If she finds OM I don't care. If this and if that. I try staying busy. I do Gal. Even missing mothers day hurts. I F(*(*(*(* hate this. I really do. Cuz her actions make me feel a certain way and I hate that she is controlling me and doesn't even know it
Net, you're basically saying that you can work on not reacting only if she stops triggering you. That is unfortunately not how it works. Assume that she will provide triggers. Learn to stop reacting.
You keep saying that you're trying, but it's hard, and it takes time, and it's not your fault because it's because of her PMMD.
Here's how you do it: practice. Start small. When you notice that you did not react immediately to something, really stop and notice it. Praise yourself, bring it to your therapist, reward yourself. When you notice that you did react but were able to stop, do the same. Celebrate small victories. Continue practicing. How you change your behavior is so simple and yet so difficult: you just DO it. You stop talking, wishing, and explaining. You Do it, and do it some more.
Adinva 47 H48 T22 M19 S16 S14 6/15/11 IDLY 6/11-12/12 in-home sep 12/16/12 H moved out Nothing signed yet ____ Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)