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Well, dang, NG. I've been moping, but you're just a contagious shot of PMA. Thanks and have a great party!

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Oh I have just read your post from yesterday and I love your metaphor of the wound. I was thinking today and posted somewhere that I felt like my life was consumed by the sitch and now I'm finding other parts again. Your analogy was perfect!!

It's true it's physically tiring, you're fragile, scatter brained, etc.

I hope you had a wonderful party and enjoyed time with friends!

((((((( hugs )))))))

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NG-

i am with brit. wound metaphor is great. gets me thinking. thank you.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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I'm so glad I read this thread at this time. I look for certain people to "read" because I usually get what I need.

I'm down today, I can't believe the man I married...is the man I married. At least as he is now. Or as I'm seeing him now.

Thanks for the inspiration.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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SD - Glad to return the favor. You have been a consistent source of PMA for me.

Bug - I was feeling the same thing today. I was bicycling and ran into some friends of ours (closer to W and the OW than they are to me.) It was nice to see them but it brought up a lot of feelings.

I couldn't help but think afterwards about how hard it still is to believe that this is who my W is right now. I started to focus on the hurtful things she had said to me about me and our M. Looking back I think I was embarrassed to see them even thought we did not talk about it. (They asked how I was, that was it.) and I was taking on the things my W had said about me and us as true. I realized that I still have to fight sometimes to not believe that I am unloveable. It is a process...

All in all, I had an amazing weekend. My party was so much fun and my niece remarked on how all of my/our (W and I) friends were here, that I had not lost any of them. (W and I used to throw a lot of parties.) I felt really supported and loved and I did not miss or think about W much at all.

A few glitches in the weekend.. I went out for dinner with a group of friends on Saturday night and I got a text from a couple who are close to both W and I. They asked to come over and hang out with me, and it seemed like an unusual request from them. I started getting scared that they were serving the D papers and had a hard time not thinking about it. I had a tough time turning my mind away from that thought. They ended up not coming over due to my dinner plans.

I know I could ask W how and when I am being served but I don't want to ask. I am not sure why I am giving that paper such power. i know that I don't want to be served by my friends.

I guess to be honest with myself I am still hoping that W will change her mind before filing... Is that an unhealthy hope to have? It is not detaching... How do you stand for your M without hoping?

Also, I did not talk much about W this weekend but the two times she came up, I was given strong views of their perception of my need to move on... Which I am doing in some ways, moving on with my life, but I still have hope... I am still honoring my vows and want to work things out.. I keep some of it quiet bc I know they would think that is not healthy for me.

I feel like I need some perspective to help me understand when I am being healthy and when I am not in how I think about my M.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Quote:
Also, I did not talk much about W this weekend but the two times she came up, I was given strong views of their perception of my need to move on... Which I am doing in some ways, moving on with my life, but I still have hope... I am still honoring my vows and want to work things out.. I keep some of it quiet bc I know they would think that is not healthy for me.


I get this all the time. I don't know if it was because I was the one to make the decision or if it's because I did date first. But human nature seems to think oh she'll be fine if she met someone new. They're all convinced I'm a great catch and that I'll meet someone amazing. In my heart I know that I still have hope. But also in my heart I know that I'm just not ready to be in a R right now. So I find that's easier to say.

I think it makes people uncomfortable when you say I'm working on me right now. I know I made mistakes and I want to be a better person on the next go round. Because it might cause them to question their own choices. This happened to me yesterday I was saying things I'd learned from Codependent No More and the other person said wow, that sounds like me, but in my case it was because x, y, z. I wasn't trying to make them feel bad about their own sitch....

People think if you "move on" then you won't hurt anymore.

Quote:
I guess to be honest with myself I am still hoping that W will change her mind before filing... Is that an unhealthy hope to have? It is not detaching... How do you stand for your M without hoping?
I don't know. I wish I did.

You are giving those papers too much weight. Maybe they'll come, maybe they won't. Focus on the idea of if you get them they'll just be another paper. This board has seen people reconcile AFTER D's were final.

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I woke up today literally and figuratively.

I realized that the times I was upset or fearful this weekend I had slipped back into the VICTIM role without even realizing it.

I am giving my power to a piece of paper..

or the opinion of others..

or my W,

instead of realizing that I choose how to think and feel about what is happening in my life.

It is a slippery slope for me...but I am glad that I realized how slippery so hopefully I can catch myself before sliding...

I am feeling better. Thank you Brit, your words helped open my eyes. smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Quote:
I woke up today literally and figuratively.
I love this!! Good for you! Its empowering that feeling. Good for you!

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Originally Posted By: needgrace
I am giving my power to a piece of paper..

or the opinion of others..

or my W,

instead of realizing that I choose how to think and feel about what is happening in my life.

SEE I said you are making good progress. smile smile smile


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NG I am copying your last post into my helpful words to remember/live by document. You have distilled down exactly what I have been thinking/feeling the last few days, except that you are light years ahead of me in acceptance. Kudos on your progress.

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