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jks Offline OP
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I received a message tonight on FB from another woman whose H works with my H and OW. She said she has always thought that OW wanted to hook up with her H too. And thought of her as totally shady all along.

This just confirms what I thought about OW all along, she has low morals and low character. I cannot believe that my H is getting roped into this. He is so much better than this. And when I look at my kids I just tell myself over and over that he is absolutely losing it.

He thinks that what they have is special but I think she's truly a despicable woman who has found it ok to break up a family and will find it ok to go ruin some other R in the future. Once she's sick of H and his three kids and dealing with his exW. Things will not be so peachy for the two of them.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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Posts: 2,910
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(((JKS)))

Try to concentrate on yourself. I know it's not easy. I have had a bad weekend myself. Time for us to detach even more.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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I feel like I don't even care about being with him anymore, it's more what he's doing with my kids and OW.

And I could really do without the phone calls to speak to the kids. That is totally unnecessary.

I was having a great weekend away until he did that.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
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I know. H did that to me over Easter. Blew up my phone wanting to speak to the kids and threw a fit when it wasn't convenient for him.

As much as H is acting like an insensitive jerk I still care and I still love him. I wish I didn't. It would be much easier to detach if I didn't.

Take Care, JKS. Hope this week is better.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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I actually had a really good day today. I cleaned a lot which made me feel good about myself and I focused on my kids.

I met with one of my client's tonight to go over her pictures for her wedding and she told me... I'm so happy we went with you. You really do such great work. That made my night. It makes me feel good to know that I do have a talent that I am good at and I do technically have a job, whether H believes that or not.

I spoke with the woman that sent me the message on FB about OW and she said she knows this will not last between the two of them. She said, it may take a couple years but it won't last. Her H is really good friends with OW and my H. She said that OW seemed like she was always trying to get closer with her H. They texted all the time. She would look at her H's phone and ask him why he had to text with her so much. Funny thing is, once I found out about the text messaging between her and my H, it was too late for me.

She was certain that OW wanted to hook up with her H but because she gave OW the cold shoulder all the time and made it clear that she wasn't welcome, OW backed off. So she then moved on to my H. I'm still so sick about this.

I am trying to get myself together. I know over the past couple days I have been totally irate and it isn't helping my sitch. I really would like to know what I should say when H is doing these inappropriate things around our kids. What would be a reasonable boundary to set with him regarding OW and my kids?


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: verab754
jks you said that your L requires a retainer fee to file, but have you thought about some kind of separation agreement? That might help you set and enforce boundaries with your H especially relating to the kids and the OW. H is really not putting you in a good place, I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you.

I also noticed that you had previously said that life, and not you, would teach your H a lesson but it sounds like by texting/calling him back repeatedly about the violated boundary that you were trying to do the teaching. Of course you were upset, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. Again, I think possibly having a separation agreement between you and your H might help you manage the situation a little better.


verab, I am just now seeing your post... I don't know why. Do you mean make an agreement on paper and sign it, just between the two of us? Or involve lawyers?


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
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Sorry, it seems like my moderated posts are showing up timestamped on when I hit submit rather than when they were approved, unfortunately.

It sounds like you need some serious boundaries with your H and the kids in relation to OW. If verbal boundaries aren't working, then something written might help. If you think he wouldn't fly off the handle, maybe you could approach him, but, given how he doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation with your S and the OW, you may need to involve a L. It sounded like the L fee you spoke of was just for filing the D. It may be less for drafting a separation agreement (although it may involve a few iterations if your H becomes testy about working it out). Have you tried finding a different L through the local bar association? They may be able to assist finding an L who does pro bono matters or does work on a sliding scale if you can't afford it. Not saying you definitely need one, just something to consider.

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