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Of course I have told her that I can't read her mind and that is why I am confused. And I told her about not playing games as well.

However I just called her and told her that I wanted to respond to the comment last night about I don't underst her. I told her that maybe she did not hear me last night but I wanted to clarify that I am confused about the mixed signals and that I needed her to be more clear about the message - I told her that I wanted her to hear that away from home and away from the bed so that she can understand me better and that I did not expect an answe on the phone but we'll talk about later.

As far as the sex, yes it has been in different places,etc. And yes I think at this time I believe that I like to continue the ML since it is 'new' and exciting and something different than the man she thinks knows. I don't see it as I am been treated as a toy since I am the one incharge in that scenario.

And yes I am starting to do thing on my own,
Thanks


Married 27yrs together 30yrs
Me:55 W:50 First marriage for both
S19, D22
Bomb: 3/15/12 Got the papers 4/11/12
Changed her mind on the D
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I guess what bothers me is her comment about hating you and then saying that she makes love to you because she no longer cares.

For women, emotional intimacy is a larger thing than the physical. If she finds someone that can flip that emotional intimacy switch for her, that's who she will be going to.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I agree that is partly why I think I need to continue to provide the sex and at least delay her searching for someone else to fill that void.

After my call to her today regarding clarification we have had some texting back and forth and basically she is telling me that and I quote

"I have been telling you this for a while I want the D-papers signed after we make your changes then lets go on the Alaskan trip (her 50th B-day gift) and lets sell the house. Then lets separate and see what happens, divorce or no divorce I think we need to be on our own and I will respect your no other man no other woman wish but I need this".

So at this point I am looking at worse case scenario in August is a separation (it might move to a divorce). So what's my move here? Do I continue with the approach of showing lots of love both verbally and actions? Do I give her more space by GAL? My opinion is that I need to do both (if that makes sense), I have been able to move her from a for sure divorce to a separation. Now I need to continue showing her love but giving her more space (weekends, etc). What do you and others think?


Married 27yrs together 30yrs
Me:55 W:50 First marriage for both
S19, D22
Bomb: 3/15/12 Got the papers 4/11/12
Changed her mind on the D
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She's on the slash and burn MLC path. Some MLCer's think they need to destroy everything they've built up to go back and do the things they feel they've "missed out" on life.

It comes down to what you want. Do you want to sell your home? Everything she wrote to you was about what she wants. What do you want? And I'm not talking about being married, etc. Do you really want to go on the trip with her after she's signed the papers for D?

As far as the no other man or woman thing, that is totally not enforcable. She's already of a mind that she's single. As a divorce attorney, she's probably seen it all and will not hesitate to go out with someone if the opportunity presents itself. I've seen it time and time again on here. Then once the LBS confronts the WAS about their "agreement" about no other people, the WAS throws it back in the LBS's face and says "I only said that to make you happy!"

Don't fall for that trap. Showing her love doesn't seem to be affecting her. You have to have her "wanting" you. I personally don't think more distance between you is a bad thing. What activities have you been doing on your own? Have you taken up the motorcycle thing?

What do you want?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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[quote] Do I continue with the approach of showing lots of love both verbally and actions?[quote]Are you showing her love the way you want to be loved or the way she does? Just something to think about. If you love her and she wants distance then give it to her. If you love her and she wants you close then do that. Do what works.


Married 6 together 8
Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both
SS12, SD10, S6
Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann)
W moved out: 2/18/12
D final: 11/12/12
Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
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Thanks for the comments Mr. Bond and Workinghardguy.

I am showing her love her way ('quality' time and acts of services). I spend time with her (as always talking\TV\shopping\etc) and I am doing many things for her many that are new (making the bed, BBQ, filling gas in car, etc). In addition I show her love my way - verbal (I love you/I miss you/etc) and touch.

But as Mr. Bond points out I am not sure that it is working - I am getting mixed messages (she wants the papers signed, yet comes and cuddles with me, caresses my hand, etc and many other mixed messages).

I think I need to do a few things:
1) Give her more space by doing more of my own thing (like the motorcycle, etc)I can really only do this on the weekends when not helping her get the house ready for the sale.

2) Quit showing affection my way (verbal and touch)unless she initiates it.

3) Continue showing love her way - acts of service and 'quality' time (this one only when she asks/wants more time).

4) Continue the sex - I want to do this for a few reasons - it is a lot better than it has ever been (so it is showing a new me - although the one that has changed with regards to this is she), if she is so 'horny' I rather be the one satisfying that need, and frankly because I want it and need it.

Today I am sending her my comments on the D-paper. I am expecting some fall out but the bottom line the changes need to be made for fairness...

Thanks again - any ideas are welcome.


Married 27yrs together 30yrs
Me:55 W:50 First marriage for both
S19, D22
Bomb: 3/15/12 Got the papers 4/11/12
Changed her mind on the D
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But is moving out of the house what YOU want?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Posts: 12,602
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Hello?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Mar 2012
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No I don't want to leave the house and I will not. I am going to continue the above mentioned approach.

I have seen more positives than negative signs so far that things are 'better' using this methodology. Yes there have been many very mixed messages and it is because (I think) that she is still not sure what to do.

This weekend again was full of mixed messages and I am still fully expecting for 'her plan' to continue and that I will be presented with a new set of D-papers for my review.

She did not however want any 'free time' this weekend (and I don't either), she continues to show me more and more caring by holding me back, using "we" a lot more in conversations, doing little things for me, etc. However I am fully aware that I have felt this 'hope' before only to be deflated - therefore I am fully expecting the other shoe to drop. If that shoe drops (again) then maybe I need to re-evalute.


Married 27yrs together 30yrs
Me:55 W:50 First marriage for both
S19, D22
Bomb: 3/15/12 Got the papers 4/11/12
Changed her mind on the D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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"No I don't want to leave the house and I will not. "

Have you told her that? If so, what did she say?

It's hard to predict what your wife will do since she's a divorce attorney. Not saying that she will do something to you, but you never know the behavior of an MLCer. Do you have a lawyer?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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