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I tell myself that P is on a long silent meditation retreat, so I can't expect to hear from her for quite some time.

Then I let Pia mantras fill my head... "Who she is is none of my business..."

It's tough. Get exercise and do whatever you need to do to take good care of you. Keep moving so your brain doesn't get stuck in those bad places. Do your own internal work and that will put your focus where it belongs.

And those really hard spots - sometimes you just have to distract yourself to get through them, but sometimes you have to sit with the scary, uncomfortable feelings long enough to let them run their course. They pass. And it's empowering to realize that. It takes away the fear that controls us.

Hang in there!

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Needing Grace

You are a pursurer, a fixer.
You are only five days into this, will it get easier?
Eventually, but consider yourself right now like a drug addict.
You have been taken off drugs and you are going through withdrawal.
You are going to have ups and downs.
The advice that you are getting to GAL or excercise is good.
This is all within YOUR control.

Hope this helps.

P.S. When you said you were going to read my threads I decided to do the same thing and read what I had written here. My threads stop about 2 years ago. But there is a lot of good info there. Maybe someday you will be able to find the rest of my story.

You are doing fine.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Thank you verab754 and SD. I really appreciate your kindness and support.

My job allows me a lot of time to think. That can be difficult. But it is my responsibility to take charge of what I think. Today, I wrote down some positive quotes and placed them around my house as reminders to reframe how I look at this place, at this moment in my life.

I also got some exercise today and did a meditation. Both felt good.

I struggle with finding/knowing the balance, SD, of allowing my feelings, but not wallowing in them or avoiding them. How do we know when there is a balance there?

SD, I read a book on codependence but not by Pia. I will order one of hers today. I really like what you have said and the small amount I have read online about her work.

Quote for today: "We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
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Thank you, Cadet. What you say is very true. I am an addict and as you were writing, I was ordering Pia Mellody's book "Love Addiction."

I will find the rest of your story, Cadet. smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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This sounds a little woo-woo or whatever but something that helped break the cycle of constantly dwelling on the situation was this:

every time I thought about him, about the relationship, etc I took a deep breath and said outloud "I release you to your higher good. I am free"

I think this works for two reasons. 1) you're having to say something outloud everytime you start to think about them. That makes you break the spiral of thoughts. You have to physically go wait I'm not going to think. Something I did this 3 or 4 times in the same 5 mins. I would have to stop myself and said NO, I release you to your higher good I am free.

Second you are affirming that you want was is good for them and you want freedom for yourself. Instead of talking in negative terms like forgetting, ending, not thinking, you're using positive words.

If you believe in that sort of thing this might work for you. It did for me when I was having panic attacks and couldn't trust myself not to snoop or obsess or even break into tears in public.

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I love that idea Brit45!

Except I must admit that the first time I tried it I started wondering if we are part of the higher good for her... LOL. (an obsessive mind will always find a way to obsess.)

I will practice. Thank you!! ((( ))))


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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Today the first President in history endorsed my right to marry.

I am incredibly happy and excited for same sex couples. I am proud that all the youth in our country get to see our President take such a historic stance. I am proud of our President for his courage. I am relieved and glad that the GLBT youth in our country who have been killing themselves way too frequently due to bullying and ignorance get to see that they matter. This is an incredible day.

Yet, this day is bittersweet for me. I am married, one of the few in California to have this right. I am sad that I want to stay married but my W doesn't. I am sad that she fought for the right to marry and not to stay married.

My heart hurts and rejoices at the same time.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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(((ng)), yes it must hurt.

As I drive home from work I listen to the radio. I quit listening to music stations because there were too many love songs frown so I turned to talk radio. Yesterday I heard one of the radio psychologists say that marriage is like a beautiful, expensive plant that someone gives you as a gift. You're happy to receive it but some plants take a lot of work.

If you put them on the shelf and don't take care of them, they die.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Quote:
Today the first President in history endorsed my right to marry.

I am incredibly happy and excited for same sex couples. I am proud that all the youth in our country get to see our President take such a historic stance. I am proud of our President for his courage. I am relieved and glad that the GLBT youth in our country who have been killing themselves way too frequently due to bullying and ignorance get to see that they matter. This is an incredible day.

Yet, this day is bittersweet for me. I am married, one of the few in California to have this right. I am sad that I want to stay married but my W doesn't. I am sad that she fought for the right to marry and not to stay married.

My heart hurts and rejoices at the same time.


Like whistle

Visionary Leadership ... how I long for those days of Visionary Leadership in my country. Seems everything is driven by Opinion Polls and popular-opinion ....

Here's to the future where we embrace each others choices and celebrate love where ever we find it!!! smile


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Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
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Oh yeah, I meant to comment on that.

Thanks, Mr President!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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