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#2242177 - 05/02/12 02:15 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: 2thepoint]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
2thepoint-

i always appreciate your feedback. thanks for the support. stayin cool has always been the hard part. it seems to be getting easier. kinda apathetic almost. i know what she is gonna say before she says it most of the time. it isn't bothering me so much. i've kinda heard it all before. i feel very strong about my oundries. i would like to say that if she dated other people or whatever, i would still be here for her. i've come to realize that i could never do that. i will always love her, but i would never be able to deal with that. if somebody else is more important than her family thats fine. i refuse to set that kind of example for my kids. i don't want them growing up thinking that kind of behavior is ok.

about the reading. i will definitely read it. i understand stuff alot better when i can re and re-read things. i've read so much lately. it's nice and something i enjoy. sometimes i wish the material wasn't so serious. =)
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2242185 - 05/02/12 02:28 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9274
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Have you always respected her boundaries? If not I'm sure you can understand that she might be confused and a angry right now.

Were you always a good example to your kids? If not I'm sure you can see how she might be confused and angry right now.

Not saying she's right or wrong or that you don't need to set boundaries. Just don't expect her to quickly fall in line with the new you.

Congratulations on your sobriety. All the best to you.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

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#2242186 - 05/02/12 02:31 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9274
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I went back and read the beginning of your thread. Sounds like you both have a lot of work to do.

Sad for the kids.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

Top
#2242187 - 05/02/12 02:32 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: labug]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11174
I think what you did was the right thing to do. When she starts taking your stuff and accusing you of things, then all bets are off.

Good job.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2242193 - 05/02/12 02:54 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9274
Loc: Sonoran Desert
What stuff did she take?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

Top
#2242194 - 05/02/12 02:55 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9274
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Never mind, I found it.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

Top
#2242212 - 05/02/12 03:46 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: labug]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
bond and labug-

thanks for your feedback. i know i havent always respected her boundries. alot of them i didnt know existed. that is my fault and i do understand her anger. i know i have alot of work to do. i wouldnt be here if i thought otherwise. and yes it is sad for my kids. my alcoholism really got in the way of things. i am not the stereotypical drunk. i functioned properly everyday. not emotionally however. i am not minimizing my prob at all. it is very real and serious. i am doing everything to change it. i wasnt always there for her emotionally like she needed. i am not socially normal i guess. i spent my teenage years incarcerated for behavior issues. i have learned from my mistakes. i mean to be the husband she deserves. i get why she is a WAW. i accept that. the cheating i dont. that is why i am here. to figure out how to be a man any woman would be a fool to leave. i know i can do it.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2242217 - 05/02/12 04:10 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9274
Loc: Sonoran Desert
You have a hard row to hoe in front of you. Maybe just working on being the man you were meant to be is enough.

Then the 2 of you can figure out where she fits in the equation.

The most important thing, other than your sobriety, is keeping your kids from being collateral damage.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

Top
#2242381 - 05/02/12 07:44 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: labug]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11174
You are doing the right thing. You have to keep in mind that while you weren't in the best shape to battle your alcoholism before, you are beating it now. It doesn't give her any reason to go ape sh*t on you though. That is her personal choice to act that way.

Don't let her diminish your hard earned changes.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2242419 - 05/02/12 10:46 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
labug-

i know i have a hard road ahead. i question it everyday. i am so sad for my kids. i let them down. i feel like a failure. they are so important to me. i am doing everything i can to be a good father. i am scared how this separation/divorce is going to affect them. they deserve a happy family. we were once. we can be again. i am going to do everything i can. if my W doesn't want to do things, thats her deal. i'm wondering if maybe the after the LRT is more for me. i have pulled back alot. i have set my boundries. they seem to mean nothing to her. idk. i am so confused. if i had money i would get a DB coach. oh well. we will see what the separation brings. if she thinks she can go act like a single lady, thats what she will be. i cannot put up with bar hopping and dating/sex whatever. i wish i could say no matter what, i would be there for her. i can't.

bond-
thanks again. its good to hear someone thinks i am doing good. there is nothing she could do to ruin my sobriety. that is important to me, because I WANT IT. no other reason. i am trying to stay positive with her, but everyday i feel more and more like giving up.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
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