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Okay...I've got to vent. If anyone wants to throw in their 2 cents...please do.
I'll start off with a little backstory:
My car died. I went to take the kids to school and it wouldn't start. Long story short, my engine was dead and I had to buy a new car. The tow truck parked my car in the wrong apartment complex. I had to get rid of it. My w needed some money and asked if she sold it if she could have some of the money. I don't have the time and we were going to go to counseling so I said sure...but she'll need to clean it. I asked how much and she said "a little".
Yesterday...she told me that we are over completely...you can read my previous posts if you want to catch up.
Today she tells me that she sold the car for $2300 and asked if I could meet the person buying it to make the transaction. So she texts me and tells me she is going to get evicted if she doesn't pay rent. I asked her if she wanted me to drop off the $300 dollars for the car. She responds with "$300? Really?" in which i replied that I thought it was a generous amount. Keep in mind that she didn't clean the car or meet up with the buyer...I did. She responds back with "I sold it for $500 dollars more than expected and that's all I get? Nevermind." I answered back, "if that's the way you want it."
So...I feel guilty. I keep trying to remind myself that she left me. She doesn't want me. She cheated on me numerous times. She doesn't want to go to counseling. It's not my responsibility to pay her rent. She doesn't want me, but she wants my money? I feel awful for her. She decided to spend her money on other things...she needs to accept responsibility for her actions. I have bailed her out so many times and enough is enough.
I text messaged her later and asked where I needed to drop off the kids (she couldn't get them from the daycare and it's her night to have them)...she never responded. I made a few phone calls and got it worked out without her.
Why do I feel so bad about this? I owe her NOTHING!!! I don't want to be vengeful. She flat out doesn't want me. If she's hurting so bad financially then call the other guy...not me.
You're doing the right thing. Take care of the kids first. You can't control her but you can do the responsible thing for your kids. Be sure their needs are met. If she can no longer keep them in a safe environment to live in, then you fight for custody.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I filed for divorce. We had our first court session a couple weeks ago. Things went in my favor.
She no longer has her own place...she is living between two of her family members homes, she doesn't have a job...she was fired. No money...keeps asking me (I say no each time), started school (hopefully a step in the right direction), blames me for everything, tells me i'm an a-hole and she hates me. she's mad because i filed for divorce due to adultery. she says that i never cared about the kids and now i'm super dad all because i'm trying to make her look bad. she is very, very angry and critical towards me.
i feel like i hate her. the truth is that i miss her. i don't want the person she is now. but i'm losing hope she will ever change. and if she does, how will i know since i don't trust her?
i really feel compelled to come back to the boards and work on my marriage again. however, i can't go back to dealing with that kind of pain again. i'm finally at the point that i can breathe. i do not have nightmares anymore. i can concentrate on my work. i'm genuinely happy. i just can't work on it anymore. i've come too far and i don't want to go back. especially if it's a hopeless cause.
i don't understand why i miss her so much. my lawyer is even shocked about some of the stuff she's done. yet, i want her back?!? WTF?
Check1 I had to reread your sitch to make sure I got it right
She's a user no way around it, think of her as no better than a drug addict. She'll probably keep making excuses for herself, and will systematically destroy her life in the process. She will most likely have plenty of men and women to enable her along the way in order to get a quick lay out of her.
You owe her nothing and gave her all your adult life.
If there's a chance for you two it'll be years from now.
That being said you are a new man, a free one. That's a good thing. It may not seem like it, but the world is your oyster now. Now more than ever you need to work out harder and dress better, don't rush into a relationship but learn how to successfully date.
Become the man that has lots of options when it comes to women, and use that knowledge to never settle for less.
Check1 She's a user no way around it, think of her as no better than a drug addict. She'll probably keep making excuses for herself, and will systematically destroy her life in the process. She will most likely have plenty of men and women to enable her along the way in order to get a quick lay out of her.
The sad thing is that she doesn't see that she's lost anything and is oblivious to the fact that she's about ready to lose it all. I'm worried she may hurt herself if it gets to that point. Then again, maybe she doesn't want anything anymore. Maybe the kids are just a obstacle in the way of her freedom.
It's funny you mention drug addict...I've often wondered if she's taking drugs. Her behavior is so irrational.
It's past the point of giving her sympathy. I don't even want apologies. I just want this behind us (the kids and I) so we can move forward. It's time for her to face the harsh reality that there are consequences to her actions...even if she blames me for them.
It's so hard to watch someone self-destruct right in front of you. It's even harder knowing you can't do a thing about it. Yet, even harder than that is having to turn you back and walk away.