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Wendy,
He's crying the poor me song and what did he expect? You roll over and take whatever he so pleases to give you? I don't think so. I think he's in for a very rude awakening when he seeks the advice of an attorney. Find your ear plugs because you are going to need them. Do not discuss anything more about the property settlement w/him for now...let that old boy stew a bit.

How is the quilt coming along?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hahahaha snicker snort laugh at: "He thanked me for making sure he didn't get any sleep." Oh! Boo Hoo! Imagine the nights you have lain awake, wondering about your future, saddened by his betrayal with a friend, no less. The cost of hiring a lawyer that will fight tooth and nail, will probably be more than just paying the alimony you request. You are being pretty kind, and he just doesn't know it. The lawyer will set him straight, I hope. You do get those that will bill as many hours as possible.

Gasp! Kill himself? He doesn't sound like the type. Not work? He will have nothing then too, and as you say ... poof, there goes the monster OW. He'd be doing you a favor, in a way.

You are strong, Ms Wendy. You go!


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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This part of the crisis just blows my mind. My ex did not even consider the money he would have to pay me when he started talking divorce. He was and still is so upset by this. My ex just wanted me to go away, disappear so he could live his fantasy life. My ex also threatened to quit his job as well as kill himself. He did neither. They just love the drama. No matter what, you have to continue to protect yourself financially because they will lie, cheat and hide money during their life in the pigpen.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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OMG Ladies - Put them in a bag and shake them up, open the bag and pick one out. It doesn't matter which one you get, they're all the same!

Wendy, my H was flipping mad when I retained my own L instead of going along with his plan of using one L, his...

When I told him what my L said would be my financial allotment, he actually wrote me an email and financially broke it down as to how much I would get of his paycheck and how much he would be left with. He spewed like crazy and told me it was blood money, even going as far as typing the email in red. lol He said he wouldn't be able to live, blah, blah, blah. But not for one minute did he consider how little he was willing to give me and how I was supposed to live on that. That was why I retained my own L. H really was trying to put the screws to me.

He told me to go out and find a job like most people have to do. Well, I have a job and have worked the majority of our M. Instead of having a career I took jobs that let me work around caring for the home and children. He was the major breadwinner.

He also didn't stop to think about how scarce jobs are and I would have to work two of them. He could have cared less that would have left our D13 alone the majority of the time.

These things are the consequences of divorce. I told him that they were his choices, not mine. Deal with them.

Well, he's dealing with it like he dealt with most things. Bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away. He hasn't made a legal move since he filed and I counter filed well over a year ago. He really doesn't want to let go of the money.

This really does get easier, so hang in there, you're doing fine.

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Without a doubt...money is the only language they appear to hear while in crisis. The sound of money passing hands nearly drives them insane and they do not want to be fair. They'd rather have us standing on the corner w/a tin cup versus providing for the children and spouses according to the judicial system. They do not think about the consequences of their actions until the purse strings are pulled.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
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I am so thankful for all of you on here. Makes me fell I'm not completely crazy.

I Still am not sure where I'm going and what I'm doing with the rest of my life. But I do know I will be okay. I had to go deal with part of the quilt show this morning. And the building it is held in is right down by my boat. So the quilt guild friend who had the meeting with me, and who I gave a ride went with me to drop my slip rent. We picked up some lunch and went and sat on the boat to eat.

I sure am going to miss my boat and Hawaii. I am pondering keeping the boat and just living on it for a couple months while I ponder what to do where to go. Of course a better idea might be to go stay on the boat for the duration of the quilt show. That would be 2 weeks and it might be just what I need to get a little distance from STBX and his drama.

I love my little dogs, I can have them on the boat. Maybe this is an opportunity to figure stuff out. I just don't like being under STBX's feet all the time.

The quilt show doesn't start for a couple days.... time to plan!

Anyway, my quilting is almost done. I took a break so my neck would loosen up!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Originally Posted By: WenikiTiki
Of course a better idea might be to go stay on the boat for the duration of the quilt show. That would be 2 weeks and it might be just what I need to get a little distance from STBX and his drama.


Sounds like a great plan... unless you can't trust your H to move back into the bedroom... sell the house... or have a swinger's party there... crazy

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Kaffe! You are funny! I think he is too lazy to move all his stuff back into the master bedroom. I have to sign to sell the house, too.

The Swinger's party might happen....... If H can get rid of S22..... sick

H has moved to showing complete contempt for me. I spent this evening in a different room than him, finishing the quilting and then trimming and machine sewing on the binding for my quilt. I'm down to the tedious part, I have about 10-12 hours of hand sewing to finish the binding and attach a hanging sleeve to my quilt for the show.

Right when the show he was watching was over I came into the family room to put my quilt and hand sewing supplies where I could get to them. The sewing room is pretty close to the bedroom H is sleeping in, it has a door onto the jack and jill bathroom. I always get up earlier than H, so I was putting stuff where I wouldn't wake him up in the morning.

He said bulk pick up was Monday, can he put all the boxes in the garage out for pick up? I said no and to stop trying to get rid of my stuff. Then he started naming all the stuff he wants to get rid of. He grumbled more. I told him if he wanted to work with me on it we could load his truck with a load for goodwill, but that he had to quit just moving stuff around and then expecting me to be happy about it.

He also said to me in a very wierd way "What do you plan on doing tomorrow?" I told him I was finishing the quilt. And then asked why he asked. He said he wondered did I have someplace to go. I guess he noticed me leaving once each day the last two weekends.

I'm not telling him I bail out of here when I get the overwhelming urge to talk to him/tell him off. Because knowing we are done and accepting it are two different things.

H was also critical of my eating my dessert at a different time than him, how much I ate (Too much in his opinion), and of how loud I was playing the TV. (Sorry...... some songs require more volume)..... mose especially ones that say:
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye



I've been listening to Traditional Country and Country Hits on the Sonic part of Direct TV. What a great way to desensatize your heart. Although every now and then one still makes me cry. Sometimes when I'm listening to sad broken heart songs I just want to laugh. If you listen to music you would just think all the world is about getting your heart broken.

That darn quilt was fighting me every step of the way. I had to pull out so many stitches. I did have an inspiration for a sewing machine accessory. Maybe I can get one of my mechanical friends to help me create it......

It isn't helping that I am coming down with something. I have been around everyone all around me each being sick about 3 times. Guess I had to run out of luck at some point.

Tomorrow will be a good day to sit and sew that binding.

Goodnight!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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So I sewed all day. Still have more to do. H worked really hard on his tiki hut firepit this afternoon. I asked was he going to have a fire and watch the moon. He said no he was going to the movies.

I have a nasty little chest cold brewing, but was stir crazy from sewing all day. So he left around 5 and I hiked up the mountain a few times. I chopped some wood and carried it up. I carried up a 5 gallon bucket of water. And I carried up my good camera and some adult beverages. You should see what I can do when I'm not sick...... smile

I got a little fire started and laid some wet wood around it to dry out a bit. I sat and wrote and cried a bit. I think I cried most of today, actually. In addition to all my crap, I mean relationship problems, today was the 8th full moon since my sister lost her husband the hard way. We were on the phone for about 2 hours.

I have told this story before, but my sister and her husband counted the full moons that he was gone to know when he would be getting back from Afghanistan. He was back one moon when he died.

I know she and I will get through this. And she misses him so much. And she says his death has been harder than the divorce she went through with her first husband. She asked me a funny question. She asked me did I care what her first H was doing? I said NO! She said that someday I would be that way with my evidently STBXH.

My sister is pretty smart. And as much as I wanted to save my marriage, it might just be that there isn't anything to save, except myself.

Anyway, it was a beautiful moon rise, beautiful fire and even though I was alone, I was actually fine with that. I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself. I came down the mountain and H got home about 20 minutes later.

He said the Incredible Hulk was the baddest of them all. Good to know! smirk

Now I need to go take a shower. I can't sleep smelling like campfire......


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Oh, I know what movie he went to see! My D19, myself, and a bunch of her friends also went to see The Avengers on Friday night. It was awesome. You must grab a friend and go see it, and don't tell your H where you're going.

I think your idea of staying on the boat during the quilt show is a good one. It will give you time to think, and also give your H some space to miss you, maybe. Even if only for your cooking, or whatever.

The moon really was beautiful tonight. My H is in Brazil, and I wonder if the moon is the same there.

Hope you don't get too sick.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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