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#2238920 - 04/18/12 06:57 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
gunny Offline
Member

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 683
Loc: new jersey
I agree, good that she noticed. I have not told my s anything about my schedule, but she knows my schedule anyway from past practice.
_________________________
m 54
XW 48
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!

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#2238927 - 04/18/12 07:23 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: gunny]
kolja Offline
Member

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 335
Loc: WA
Like I said, this is all a new development for me. I was waiting for an opportunity to bring it up - mentioning it out of the blue seemed like it would come off forced, unnatural, pursuing.

Her choice of words "I guess divorce is making you better" was a curious one - I'm sure I could drive myself crazy trying to figure out what exactly she means by it, but I'm not going to..
_________________________
Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12

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#2240111 - 04/23/12 05:59 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
kolja Offline
Member

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 335
Loc: WA
Was a gorgeous weekend here; ran outside on Saturday (I hadn't been as prepared as I thought for the hills on the half marathon, so now that it's nice I'm running outside more, and taking advantage of all the hills near my house). Then I went to go do some more sorting/cleaning in the garage. My wife had left two piles of stuff - one was stuff she didn't have room for when she moved but said she would be back for, the other was a pile she said I could get rid of - so, some stuff I've taken to thrift shops, some I've pitched, other stuff seemed worth keeping for one reason or another. And of course some of it is rife with sentimentality for me too so it's been a job taken in small bites. This time I came across some notes guests had written her/us at her bridal shower (while I was deployed). Some were to be opened on our first anniversary last August, and hadn't been opened. For a bit, it was a bit of a gut punch - but I tried to make the conscious effort to let it remind me of what we used to be and try to take heart from that.

I moved on to working more outside, which was nice. Come evening time I spent some hobby time, starting a new project for the first time in like four years.

Yesterday I jumped on the motorcyle and rode all over - maybe 6-7 hours including a couple stops, including up to the Canadian border (one of my stops was a walkabout at Peace Arch park). THAT was definitely good for the zen...
_________________________
Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12

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#2240132 - 04/23/12 06:51 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2806
Loc: VA
^like button
_________________________
Adinva 48 H49
T25 M21 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Happiness is a warm puppy.

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#2241088 - 04/27/12 02:46 AM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
jbnati Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/11
Posts: 2748
Loc: Cincinnati
Congratulations on the half marathon, kolja!! cool That's awesome!

Originally Posted By: kolja

She said "Well that is good. I guess divorce is making you better! Good to hear!"

I'd say she's definitely noticing your changes. I think it will take her some time to process and believe them. Just stay consistent. Work toward being your best possible self. Good for you for becoming better instead of bitter!

Originally Posted By: kolja

She said "well apply that to your next relationship!!!"

Note your next relationship could be with your current W. crazy If it's with someone else, your W will likely regret it.

Hang in there buddy!
_________________________
BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26

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#2241207 - 04/27/12 05:02 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: jbnati]
kolja Offline
Member

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 335
Loc: WA
Originally Posted By: jbnati
Congratulations on the half marathon, kolja!! cool That's awesome!


Thanks JB! I've already registered for one in Seattle in June. I'm not QUITE a dedicated enough to run outside when it's garbage out there (I have a treadmill in the house and a full DVR), but now that it's getting nicer out I can run outside which is nice - I can sure use the hill work around here!! On base there's a really nice 3.2 round trip trail down the coast, along the top of the bluffs and cliffs and whatnot, so it's been really nice.

Originally Posted By: jbnati

Good for you for becoming better instead of bitter!


My counselor and I had a similar discussion along those lines on Monday afternoon, and before that my dad had remarked on all the running and stuff. I mentioned that it was certainly better than behing self-destructive, which I know from experience is well within my abilities. My counselor asked me how *I* thought I'd handled everything over the past few months. I stole 25's signature line and said that, aside from my initial reaction after she dropped the bomb, before reading DB and DR, I felt that I played the cards I was dealt about as well as I could.

Originally Posted By: jbnati

Note your next relationship could be with your current W.


THAT'S actually a heck of a good point...

In other, essentially unrelated, but really really good, news: a couple days ago, I ran into the guy who will eventually be taking over our wing (all our squadrons, and the school I work at, are 'owned' by the wing). Though he's a bit senior to me, we've known each other for a while. We got to talking about where I was working and for how long, and he suggested that when I finished up here, there might still be some work up here for me; when I finish this set of orders I'll have 3 1/2 years till retirement - so what I take away from that conversation is that there's a not insignificant chance I can do that last tour without having to move, and still getting to fly. It's exceptionally rare to get to fly for 20 full years without some diversion for staff work, so that's pretty awesome.

I also may be well on my way to selling my house in Nevada through the Housing Assistance Program, and we've already found an interested party. He's not only willing to go through the process the beuracracy requires, he's also willing to rent in the meantime.
_________________________
Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12

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#2241542 - 04/29/12 12:55 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9294
Loc: Sonoran Desert
All great news, Kolja. Good for you.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

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#2242016 - 05/01/12 04:28 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: labug]
bustorama Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
Some good stuff you've got going for you, kolja. You ARE playing your cards well, and, however, things turn out with W, I definitely see you up at the end of this game. Feels good to channel what could be destructive life changes into positive energy, opportunities, and GAL, and I commend you for doing so.

Great half debut, and good luck in Seattle -- I had signed up for it, but have to pass this year due to injury. That sounds like a nice 5Kish loop you've got there on base.

Why is military retirement at 40? Or is that just the first opportunity to retire with benefits (non-mandatory?)? What do you see yourself doing once you retire? Commercial aviation?

Is that house in Nevada a second house? I lost track of that. How do you feel about selling it?
_________________________
Me-41
W-37
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304

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#2242154 - 05/02/12 01:15 AM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: bustorama]
kolja Offline
Member

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 335
Loc: WA
Retirement is at 20 years so for me 42. I'm not a pilot, so no future in commercial aviation unless its in ops/management - after all as a squadron operations officer I managed a $7.7 million annual flight hour budget down to precisely $0.00 each quarter.

The house in Nevada was a first house when I moved down there. Then I got transferred back to WA - after the market bottomed out which is why I qualify for the Housing Assistance Program which will make up the difference (I bought it at $238K, my property manager/realtor thinks its market value now is $145k, and I still owe $217k). Truth be told, its a little bittersweet. It was the first house I owned, I actually like it, and it was a great 3 1/2 years down there. But even when I have a renter I loose $700 or so a month on it; even after tax benefits I lose $2500 a year on it. The math kind of speaks for itself, and countering the bittersweet aspect is a little brighter financial future - more cash to put away and more disposable income for fun stuff.
_________________________
Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12

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#2242404 - 05/02/12 09:13 PM Re: The continuing saga of Kolja [Re: kolja]
kolja Offline
Member

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 335
Loc: WA
Interestingly, my wife will be back in the area for a visit in a week. I think it's to see her family, and to get divorce papers notarized (apparently it wouldn't e accepted with an out of state notary). It's as yet unknown whether we'll see each other or if she's stoping by the house at all
_________________________
Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12

Top
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