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labug Offline OP
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Thanks, Brit.

Had a great (although a bit tearful)session with IC. But it got me where I needed to be, out of the victim role and into being grateful for my 2 sons who bought me funny cards and the kind of dark chocolate I love. We went out to dinner after I got off work and had a lovely time but I allowed it to be tainted by focusing on what I didn't have instead of being grateful for what I do have.

I think I need to go back to writing a daily gratitude list.


Me 57/H 58
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Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: Brit45
this is so true. It's amazing to be able to see it and make a concious effort to change it. I just saw it as me stopping acting crazy. Waiting the 24 hours before I text some nastiness. I do use humor as a shield. I think so many of us do. I've always appreciated the advice you've given me and reading your thread has been really wonderful today. thank you!


I think I like the waiting 24 hours thing. Not sure at all if I can do it, but sometime I know I NEED to. Thanks, Brit!


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Originally Posted By: labug
Thanks, Brit.

Had a great (although a bit tearful)session with IC. But it got me where I needed to be, out of the victim role and into being grateful for my 2 sons who bought me funny cards and the kind of dark chocolate I love. We went out to dinner after I got off work and had a lovely time but I allowed it to be tainted by focusing on what I didn't have instead of being grateful for what I do have.

I think I need to go back to writing a daily gratitude list.


Labug, I'm glad you went to your IC and worked through it. Your 2 sons love you, and showed you yesterday. I know how it is to have expectations and not have them met. Glad you didn't let it stop you from enjoying your sons celebration of you too much (even if you were calling your H a rat-b@stard in your head. LOL). Maybe we'll both get better about keeping every expectation low.

A gratitude list is a great idea, and one thing I've been meaning to start, but haven't. Thanks for reminding me I need to.


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Originally Posted By: labug

I think I need to go back to writing a daily gratitude list.


I love this idea and I think I may do the same!! Thanks for the inspiration bug! I have so much to be grateful for and I want to be sure to focus on that! Glad you are too!


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Originally Posted By: labug
I think I need to go back to writing a daily gratitude list.


I was doing this as well and have gotten away from it. It seems like when I was actively practicing living in gratitude that I felt much better across the board. What we focus on expands right?

We have so many wonderful things to be greatful for.

I'm glad you see that too Bug!


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I love that idea too about a daily gratitude list, bug. What grace and courage you display. You are an example to me. Thank you.


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I *used to* before I got out of bed close my eyes and mentally list things that I was thankful for. I don't so much anymore. Great nudge to get back to being grateful!

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labug Offline OP
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It's been an enervating but also invigorating 36-48 hours and I know that no matter how jarring those emotional thunderstorms are there's usually a silver lining in those clouds.

This cloud came with lots of moisture, as I cried as I haven't cried for months. I saw this ignoring of Mother's Day as a signal (yes mind-reading, yes expectations, I know, I know) of the end. And as my IC asked a few questions and I allowed the feelings to come up, it was all about fear. Fear of what's on the other side of the D line.

But as I talked through my feelings, the fears began to ease. I'm not afraid I'll be destitute, I will live in the same house and have the same bills that I have now and everything is fine. I'm not afraid of being alone, as he's been gone for over a year, so that part of my life won't change.

I don't like looking into the future and being alone but that's the future and whether I'm alone in it is up to me.

I do miss seeing him in my future. We've been together since we were 18 and he's always been in my future, it's hard to let that go but let it go, I must. That doesn't mean he won't be in my future but I have to let go of that vision to move forward.

So I feel much better today, more centered and on steadier ground. Remember the old song: I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way, Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, Gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.

I want to put this thought out to all those early in this process. Those moments of meltdown can be helpful, they can lead to growth if you challenge yourself to get to what you are really feeling. If you get angry and stay angry, you will be in the same place a year from now.

If your only reason for being here is to "Save My Marriage" you will be stuck in the same place a year, 2 years, forever. Lay down the save my marriage banner and pick up the one that says "Save Me"

If you're here to improve yourself, get rid of some old baggage and are open to the process you just might create a new life for yourself. It may or may not include your spouse but that might no matter.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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If you get angry and stay angry, you will be in the same place a year from now.

Or in the words of pop culture, "Anger leads to the dark side..."

Bug, glad you're getting to the other side of the current storm. I appreciate how you seek and find the learning opportunities in these storms rather than focus on the storm itself.

Thanks for your willingness to put it out there for us. We all share these storms in our own way and seeing others move through them with grace and learning helps others know its possible.

(((Bug)))


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labug Offline OP
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It is a bit hard to be that "real" but I find I'm helped most by those who share the most.

Thanks for the hugs.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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