Wife of 7-years is Divorcing Me p7

[alamo76]

Appreciate the quick responses Valeska and Jon! Y'all have been very helpful in my situation.

Well, as if thing weren't complicated enough, here an update...

UPDATE 7:23pm
When she came to pick our son up, my wife confronts me about the letter she sent. (Rats, I was hoping to send her THE response tonight.) She asked if I was moving or not. I said I haven't found a lot related to my field/career there, so the move will depend on what I find. She gets pissed off that I had since February to look, and she thinks that I'm making excuses just like I always have...e.g. back in Texas or when we first moved here to California.

I told her that I will respond to her letter tonight. Then she says:

W: Well, why don't we talk about it now? You better not try anything funny. I'm leaving soon...
M: When ARE you leaving?
W: June 10th...actually I have to be THERE by June 10th. So if you do something to hold up my residency, I will be a stay-at-home mom and you can support us for a whole year. (She smirks)
W: I'll never do that to him (points to our son).

So can anybody tell me what is going through her mind? Because I can't.

I didn't not mention the court date or anything more because I felt that she was talking too much about this in front of our son. I said:

M: Let's talk about this another time. Not here.

My wife then goes on to talk about why I'm making excuses of moving there or finding a job.

W: You work in HR, ha-ha...How hard is it to find something like that there? Yadda yadda yadda.

All she kept bringing up was the past and my past. I just kissed and said bye to our son.

Then she said, "So much for me trying to talk nicely to you."

M: Thanks for speaking nicely.
W: Right.
M: No, thanks again for speaking nicely. It's been awhile since you've done that.

And I closed the door.

What really bothers me is what she said about staying at home and skipping this year. I don't mind supporting her and ll that if she did, but I can expect a lot of hatin' from her, at least initially.

[alamo76]

Man, had bad dreams about yesterday's incident all...night...long.

[alamo76]

So I sent the response email to my wife this morning as I wrote above, with the addition of the text in bold below:

"Dear Wife,

Thanks for touching base with me. E is the most important person in my life, so ensuring he is close and cared for is my top priority. I had made legal arrangements regarding your question, so if you haven't already been briefed by your counselor (it's been two weeks already), then you should be receiving legal documents soon.


- Alamo"

If she confronts me about it again, that I'm sabotaging her plans, I will let her know that this custody request was spurred by her infamous letter and the move to SC, but has nothing to do exclusively with keeping her from moving.

[alamo76]

UPDATE
Our son and I are playing hokey from church tomorrow to go to the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz for some fun in the sun! We're both so looking forward to it.

It's also a weird feeling after sending off that email to my wife. These past 2-3 weeks since I started the custody filing process, I've been somewhat on edge, expecting a blow out or something from my wife. And when she was short and angry last week, I thought she had finally found out what was going on (from her lawyer, at least). I felt good after that, but it turns out that she doesn't know and hasn't been informed, So my edginess is back, because now she just heard it from the horse's mouth.

I'm expecting the worse tomorrow when she picks our son up from here. Prayers please!

[Valeska19]

I know people say to think positive, but I don't think planning for the worst is a bad idea.

Better to be prepared and pleasantly surprised of a good outcome...

... then get sideswiped.

[alamo76]

I know people say to think positive, but I don't think planning for the worst is a bad idea.

Better to be prepared and pleasantly surprised of a good outcome...

... then get sideswiped.

I agree. I tend to be easily thrown off-guard when I'm not prepared for the worst. Maybe it lends to the doormat effect.

And speaking of which, I do wonder what I'd have to do if my wife does agree to the custody terms (in the context of if I move to SC). That means I'll have to back the talk and walk the walk. However, it's really hard to find work similar to mine over there. I've been scouting out for the past 3 months, so I hope things will pick up soon in terms of options.

Also, I had an amazing time in Santa Cruz with our son yesterday. Hope we have a chance to revisit that place real soon; we couldn't get enough of the rides!

[alamo76]

UPDATE 6:01pm
Wife comes to fetch our son from my place. After buckling him in, she looks at me and says (with a "smile"):

W: That was evasive, the way you went about things.
M: Evasive?
W: The way you responded to my letter, it was very evasive.
W: [Pause] Then again, I wasn't expecting much.
M: Hmm. Okay. [I close the car door, stepped back and said goodbye to our son]

I know my reaction will not help evoke in my wife any memories of our past friendship or anything, but my question is: should I be? Should I be friendly, should I be kind? You know, some of the things the Bible suggests we do. I'm truly struggling with this.

As a sidenote, I was also expecting a reaction somewhat stronger than this from my wife. I suppose her legal response will be most telling.

[MrBond]

Just be straightforward and look her dead in the eyes when you are talking to her so that she knows you mean business.

The WAS will often treat the LBS suspiciously because that's how they themselves have been acting. Be prepared for the fallout. She has the air of superiority over you. With each interaction, stand straight and tall to exude confidence. You can do this.

[alamo76]

Hey MrBond, I appreciate you dropping in. How are you doing this fair Monday?

I think the tricky part about standing tall and exuding confidence (at least in our situation and context) is that my wife may be reminded of (in her eyes) my taking advantage of her and her life in general. As a spouse of a porn addict, that IS the mindset. Now that she's "free" of me, her so-called 180 is to be herself again, to be self-worthy, to be more confident over me.

So when I stand strong and be assertive (as positive traits), couldn't it remind her of her helplessness and "victimization"?

[MrBond]

"So when I stand strong and be assertive (as positive traits), couldn't it remind her of her helplessness and "victimization"?"

Are you frickin' kidding me? Have you actually listened to the interactions with your W? Sounds like she rubs it in your face. It doesn't sound like a victim to me. Sounds like a smug spoiled brat.

You don't need to rub her face in it, but if you show her that you are a MAN then she will start respecting you. This is just something small you can do right off the bat. Stand tall and strong. That's how it was when you were first dating right?

She wants a man not a doormat.