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#2241833 - 04/30/12 05:35 PM Re: this path is MY path [Re: jks]
hopingandpraying Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 283
I'm glad to hear you received some positive information and are making progress!

Good luck with everything and keep your head up! You're doing a great job!
_________________________
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..

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#2241842 - 04/30/12 06:06 PM Re: this path is MY path [Re: hopingandpraying]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
thanks jus and hopingandpraying.

i'm assuming you both mean that i am making progress with getting on with my life

just saved myself some "trouble " today.

got a bill for something being moved out of our storage unit. was all ready to point out to h that maybe it would be nice if we checked with each other about "our" possessions before they were moved or used elsewhere (or sold??)

my first tendency was to think he'd taken the equipment and decided on his own what he was going to do with it without consulting me.

luckily i waited and a couple of hours later, wrote a calm email, phrasing it so that it was asking whether the bill was kosher or not and not asking anything about why he had taken it out.

surprise surprise - a short email back explaining what he had taken it out for. he volunteered the info himself in a friendly manner, and the whole thing was over without the potential for damage.

whew!! seeing so much how i;'ve thought the worst first and made it that way. good reminder to think the best first and then deal with it if it turns out different
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2241893 - 04/30/12 09:41 PM Re: this path is MY path [Re: zig]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
realized after reading brooklynmom's post to labug, that yesterday when h called to say thanks for helping out at the kiln -i did a couple of major wrong things. one was to offer that he could come over to eat dinner with us so he wouldn't have to cook - he said no very quickly.
the other was - and this is hard to write - that i realized afterwards that i was dominating the conversation way too much - i think i was so nervous really, that i kept going on about how much fun we had and what i had figured out at the kiln and barely let him speak - he tried to talk and say some stuff, but i don't think i let myself focus on him enough and just listen.

my excuses - seriously sleep deprived, trying to get dinner together and an unexpected phone call for him that i didn't have a chance to take a couple of deep breathes before talking to him - i was outside and s just handed me the phone

so i need to work on that - just listening - i definitely missed a chance there, because in the beginning he was really warm and opening up and then i started babbling, and next thing i could sense him being a bit defensive.

gosh when will i GET IT!!!

oh well - keep plodding on, on my own little path

i was a bit wobbly today - trying to figure out all this online selling stuff, and realizing how little i know about it. by dinner time i was definitely wobbly and so s and i drove out to the lake and walked on a trail for an hour . i'm better now and feel the ache a little less.

anyone have any good suggestions on reading material for learning how to listen better - need to brush up on that a bit here!!!

hope everyone had a decent day
zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2241901 - 04/30/12 10:11 PM Re: this path is MY path [Re: zig]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2516
Loc: Piney Land
Ahh

You will get it. Keep working at it. Doing good Zig. I told you that u were a wonderful woman and becoming more awesomeness.

As to listening. Well shut your thoughts when someone speaks. Breath and focus on what they are saying.

Don't lip read. U will be wrong. Try this. Go to you nearest mirror and say "olive oil" make no sound just move the lips. Does it look like ur saying I love you?
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2241904 - 04/30/12 10:17 PM Re: this path is MY path [Re: Rick1963]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
thanks rick - i don't feel so "awesomeness" right now - i'm okay though.

i just have this "feeling" that there's another bomb coming this week, but i am just going to focus on myself and stay calm and try to be as grounded as i can be.

i'm join got keep expecting the best - of myself and everyone around me

by the lip reading thing - do you mean that if i'm not listening, then it's like trying to lipread - not hearing what someone else is really saying? you're right - that's food for thought

hope you're doing well?
thanks
zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2241979 - 05/01/12 10:09 AM Re: this path is MY path [Re: zig]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
good morning here - i am starting to se the positive effects of my new efforts with son's behavior - he is so much more relaxed around me as he's responding to my being more relaxed and buoyant and just happier.

i haven't given him too much attention - in the sense that i've just been cheerful and expected everything to be fine.

this morning after breakfast though, he came to me and wanted to be carried and hugged for a really really long time. - it was as if he couldn't get close enough or hold me tight enough.

i'm glad he felt open enough to do that. for once i din't try to "solve" anything or ask him anything, just held him and laughed and nuzzled his neck. he would have gone on endlessly if i hadn't insisted that now we had to get to school.

i have no idea what he's feeling or going through, but i've decided that i am just join got be here - and not try even to fix that in anyway as i've been doing all these months. just let it be and he'll come to me

off to easy land - wish i was a little more savvy about the internet and all this computer stuff - well, i'm sure i will be in a few days

zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2241981 - 05/01/12 10:11 AM Re: this path is MY path [Re: zig]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
sheesh my new computer puts in the most bizarre sp. corrections i've ever seen

easy land - etsy land!!

join got = going to
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2241987 - 05/01/12 10:34 AM Re: this path is MY path [Re: zig]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
WAIT-Why AM I Talking?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2241995 - 05/01/12 11:01 AM Re: this path is MY path [Re: labug]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2516
Loc: Piney Land
zig u need an FB page? it will improve your computer knowledge.
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2241996 - 05/01/12 11:07 AM Re: this path is MY path [Re: Rick1963]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Rick, you are on to something.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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