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A Message from Michele
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#2246093 - 05/17/12 08:42 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
~ kd ~ Offline

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
Originally Posted By: fightingforit
I am so confused. If he really wants out, and it's going to happen anyway, why not start moving forward with it? He seems very, very sure.

Yes, confusion is normal...

Yes, he SEEMS sure...

Believe none of what they say and only 1/2 of what they do...

If he was so sure... he would be getting it done...

So no... he's probably NOT sure...

#2246100 - 05/17/12 09:00 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
oldtimer Offline

Registered: 02/03/06
Posts: 4478

Trying to hold onto the strings that bind you prevents progress. H needs to feel free to see what he wants. You need to let go to see what you want.

Putting in place financial protections makes sense. Settling on visitation makes sense. You need to protect yourself and you need these things settled to get rid of the emotional overhead. You both need space to breathe.

That being said, I think delaying the mediator by a week or two wouldn't be a bad idea. You need to see a L yourself (without sharing the visit with H) to know what you should seek. This stuff is a practical matter. It is business. You aren't going to save your M by being nice. Just take care of yourself in a reasonable manner.

It doesn't really matter what may or may not happen in 6 months. Right now you both need more financial and emotional independence. Get it in a way that doesn't put you at a long term disadvantage.

The goal is space and security -- both are needed now. Avoiding them won't help. Getting them may.

#2246600 - 05/19/12 04:31 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: oldtimer]
fightingforit Offline

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 96

Thanks for your replies KD and OT. I think that I may have jumped the gun on the mediator appointment. I have seen a L individually and so has H, so I made an appointment with the mediator to get the ball rolling when I was upset last week, after H tried to ruin mother's day for me. (last minute cancel to take the kids for the afternoon when my mom and girlfriend had flown in to celebrate with me.)

I am speaking with my DB coach tomorrow am and I am interested to her his thoughts. This weekend I am GAL and going for a spa weekend with my girlfriend. Really looking forward to that!

Is there a thread on the thought " believe nothing of what they see and only 1/2 of what they do"? I would like to read more about it-
M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets

#2249420 - 05/29/12 03:17 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
Maggie3 Offline

Registered: 03/28/12
Posts: 157
Havent seen any posts from you Fifi- hope you are okay
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12

#2249451 - 05/29/12 05:12 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: Maggie3]
bustingout Offline

Registered: 05/15/12
Posts: 2595
Hi fighting-

I hope you are doing well.

I too would like to have more thoughts on nothing what they say, 1/2 what they do.

When I try to apply it to my sitch I get confused.

Stay strong.

Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home

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