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#2239931 - 04/23/12 01:23 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: HollyAnn]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
thats good advice hollyann.. she has said we should have a custody agreement in her more rational times. last night after arguing all day cuz i asked her to look at this book "should i stay or should i go" we actually talked for bout an hour. the book is about "controlled separation". i have been telling her for weeks that im ok with a separation, if there is a goal in mind. she read some of the stuff and the sample contract. she told me to write somethin up and maybe she would agree.. sounds like a step in the right direction i think.

one thing that has really been getting to me is her texting. all day, all night. when i'm talking to her or the kids are, she igores us for our phone. for some reason i always ask who is so important. then she accuses me of being controlling. cheeseless tunnel and 180 material i know. it is so hard to not ask. it is so rude and disrespectfull.

on the brighter side, i met with my sponsor from aa. he said when he got sober his wife was alot the same way. alot of thei problems slowly went away the longer he stayed sober and worked on himself. that gave me some hope
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2239969 - 04/23/12 04:14 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
feeling hopeless again. how do i stop "pursuing". how do i stop caring? how do i stop trying to fix this? i suck at the LRT. how do i concentrate on myself. i feel guilty when i worry about me. i feel selfish. help.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2239974 - 04/23/12 04:40 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
okay...this [censored].. i'm laying on the couch and i can hear my wife sobbing in the bedroom. what do i do? i want to go hold her, be there for her. i just dont want to make her more mad at me...
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2240093 - 04/23/12 04:59 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
ok..i am really bad at this. saw a letter W wrote to herself about OM. told her if this was going to continue i was done. i can't live like this. she kept blocking the door so i couldnt leave. put her hands on me to stop me from leaving. she begged me not to contact him. i wouldnt promise it so she called the cops. they came and asked what happened. we told them the same thing. then they asked if i wanted her taken to jail. what she did was assault and could be kidnapping i guess. she was dumbfounded. told them i was fine. she is begging me to believe her. i told her as much as i want to, i dont trust her. i might as well give up. stuff just goes so wtong...
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2240264 - 04/24/12 01:25 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
okay..so since my last post, my W wantedme to come home to talk. she just yelled at me and shut down. then stormed out. i hung out for a bit then went for a drive. comin home and she was leaving the house. she pulled over and i talked to her for a minute, then she took off. i went home. my computer, my journals and my love dare book were gone. i tried callin and txt her. nothin. so i went to see the father at my church. he was nice to talk to..had some good insight. after i went home and there she was. i asked for my stuff. she gave me everything but my love dare book. i asked where it was. she said she gave it to a battered womens shelter. wtf! did she forget she almost went to jail today for assault? i have never hit her! why would they need it anyway? to see how much i love and care for her?

to make a long story short, after my S baseball game she was sitting on my bumper. told the kids she was staying at a hotel because i keep fighting with her. whatever. why do i try? why do i care? love hurts
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2240265 - 04/24/12 01:29 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11174
Hmmm passive agressive much? Next time she pulls something like that, I would tell her quite frankly that the items were your private property and she had no right to do that. Then I would have called the cops and had her arrested for theft.

Right now it's unpredictable what your W is going to do. She could find some way to twist things around so that it sounds like you assaulted her. Watch your back.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2240278 - 04/24/12 02:09 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
i told her calmly that those were my things. i want them back. i'm not sure if im passive aggressive. i dont know alot tho. she can try all she wants to twist it. it won't work. i'm a good man. that much i know.

i really am having a hard time with this. it is killin me. my kids cryin cause mom wasnt coming home. she is a good mom. has been a great wife too. she was my best friend. i let my drinking get in the way of being a great husband. i guess i deserve it. i still don't see how she thinks stuff was so bad. everything is negative to her. i guess it makes it easier.

my father at church told me to stop trying to fix it. just be here for my kids and listen to her whenever she wants to talk. kinda like DBing i guess. i am so lost.

i appreciate all the help. really i do
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2240279 - 04/24/12 02:13 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11174
I meant that your W was passive aggressive.

"it won't work. i'm a good man. that much i know."

This is real naive thinking. Sorry. There have been alot of 'good men' on here who believed the way you do and were shocked when their WAS had them thrown in jail. My W is the sweetest person in the world, but she threatened to call the cops on me for "withholding our kids". Protect yourself first.

"i still don't see how she thinks stuff was so bad."

It doesn't matter if you didn't see it. The point is that she did. Just because you've gotten an epiphany now doesn't erase years of abuse. She's afraid of being stuck in that old life and you really haven't given her any reason to believe otherwise. It takes alot of trust to earn back her trust.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2240284 - 04/24/12 02:31 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
mrbond- you are right. i do need to protect myself. i will have to figure out how still.

what do you mean about the trust? i need to trust her to gain her trust? i'm so confused with all this.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2240285 - 04/24/12 02:33 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11174
You betrayed her trust by drinking and disregarding her feelings to begin with. For women, that's a big thing. Forget about the craziness around her now, what way can you exhibit trustworthiness when you're with her?

She needs to get to the point where she feels safe with you again in order for her to drop her guard. That's the goal you're trying to achieve.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
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