I was trying to track that thread down using the search option and I still couldn't find it! Did you use the search bar?
Well my Mother's day took a turn, not the best but it was good because it was just that little dose of reality I needed to get in order to get me on the straight and narrow again.
Ex didn't pay child support for April. Garnishment hasn't begun because apparently according to him his employer didn't get the paper work. So I asked him for the 700 in April given I had no idea how long the garnishment would take.
Well the FIGHT WAS ON! He went on to tell me that he felt it was ok NOT to pay me in April because #1. I didn't ask. #2. I got a large tax return. #3. I "tricked" him into paying child support in March and an extra 100.00 to boot! And that he's on a fixed budget and he is behind on his bills and owes the IRS money.
I then told him I didn't believe him and that he breaks my heart and I hoped that he had fun spending that extra 700 he kept in April. He then responded he didn't care what I thought of him and if I was looking for a fight that I wasn't getting one and that he's only behind 330 in garnishments and has to pay it back by the 27th but that was between him and the state. He also said that he INSISTED that I go through the state so bills are paid for first and that I have to deal with them and then they get the money from him.
So I went on to tell him that I wasn't looking for a fight I was looking for the money. And based on his kind actions over the last 4 months and that we were communicating so well, that I had the unrealistic expectation he would actually talk to me first and that we come to an agreement that he not pay or pay the child support. I also told him that the only thing I've asked from his is that he be upfront and honest, pay the support and tell me his schedule so I know when he has the girls. Other than that I didn't want anything else from him. I told him that I thought he would consider child support something he would be proud to pay and not is some sick excuse for me to suck the money out of him, and who was filling his head with those ideas anyway?
See He had NO PROBLEM paying the support since january and did it eagerly. The minute he saw a loophole he went for it.
Now I know why my gut has been in knotts for months and why I've felt so conflicted. It's the confliction that has my anger bursting out left and right. I knew something was WRONG. My gut was right, he was putting on an act, and his true colors finally came out again. He's been playing me all along, with this Mr. Nice Guy Act. He's been controlling me, keeping me exactly where he wants me. And the minute I stand up for what is right and moral....he flips out and gets mega defensive and now all the sudden he doesn't care what I think.
At any rate GM this is excatly what I needed from him to get my head straight. What he did was just gaslight the hell out of me. A year ago I would've fell for it and said it was my fault and that no, he didn't have to pay the money because I didn't ask. But thanks to me growing a set of my own balls and the support from everyone here, and my reading of narcissism, I was only mad for about 30 minutes, calmed down considered the source and then responded back. A year ago this would've devastated me to the core.
I haven't had any response and I won't. Whenever I stand on my honesty and morality box he's at a loss for words. However he flipped his lid because I didn't buy his bullchit about not paying child support. I've now learned, when challenging his word, you will get spew. When you don't do as your told the FIRST TIME he will retaliate. He told me once in the heat of spew that he was to only tell me something once and not have to ever tell me anything again if I didn't understand. So here I am standing back and realizing he was "acting" as a friend but truly not being one. If he truly was being one, he would've asked me if we could work out something in regards to the child support in April. He ALWAYS has a justification for his actions. The man does not right from wrong, but he mostly chooses wrong to suit his own needs.
Ok I will keep trying to find snodderly's email! It will be good to email eachother!
OMG, when does it end?!!! You know this isn't about you and girls, right? His world is falling apart. He can't keep up financially and he's going to make you the bad guy. He's the OW's problem now. She can bail him out of his mess. The fantasy life may come to an end soon. Financial strain is terrible for a R, especially one that was built on lust like their's was. Your XH is mad at you for not going along with the juggling plan that he's come up with. I dread dealing with this myself. My H has big plans for himself which require a decent amount of capital. When his poker money runs out, and it will, his fantasy life will blow up also unless, of course, he partners up with a cash cow.
Kimmerz, I am sorry he's acting like a spoiled, cheap child. He's finding out what reality is and the consequences of his actions. They very seldom do anything nice w/o a "clause" being attached to their "nice actions".
Money is power and when they don't have their money, they get ugly and stingy. He doesn't really want to share his money w/you and if the garnishment process had been set up properly and in a timely manner, it should have kicked in already. If you don't get the funds for April, contact your lawyer and allow him to do the necessary work to get the funds for you. It will cost you money, but in the end, you'll get your children's support money.
Yep xh has serious issues with money, and always has. I've never seen him become so greedy as he has the past 4 years though.
I contacted my attorney and they gave me a direct line to talk to someone. They said if I don't get any info by the end of the week to call them back and then their office will try and help a bit.
In regards to getting the money for April, it could end up costing me more money than what he owes me to try and pursue it. Not sure if it's worth it.
I too agree that reality is kicking his butt in regards to finances and he doensn't know how to handle it. It's just this simple. You pay your child support whether it was verbally agreed upon, ordered by the court or both.
I literally can't believe I was married to this man. I knew something was up, sure enough I think he was trying to get me not to notice he didn't pay me.
Has anyone had any issues in dealing with Child Support SErvices?
I am so mad! I've been calling daily and can NOT get intouch with anyone. I keep getting voicemail.
My attorneys tell me "just be patient Kim. It's a long process and miserable but it's worth it because you will be paid up when it gets rolling."
2 months behind of child support/spousal support makes me very angry. No one seems to care or will return my phone calls back. You know what? Maybe tomorrow I will just march myself directly into the court house and talk to someone.
Hey Kimmerz. You may be right, he may be trying to soften you up about the child support. But you know what? Anger + Government process = frustration.
Take you lawyers advice and be patient and keep calling. If that doesn't work, let your lawyer deal with it. It may not make financial sense, but it sets precedent. It's important to be consistent and to firm.
Take the anger out of the equation though. It won't help
It's just business. AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hang in there, kimmerz. You will get the money that you're owed. I know that doesn't help you at the moment if you're in need of those payments. Keep in mind that this is a temporary (although frustrating) problem for you, but a long term problem for your XH. I wonder how exciting the fantasy life is now?
Hi Everyone, I finally got in touch with a live person from the child support office today. As it turns out they were given the wrong address for Ex's employer. The one I gave them was different that the original they got. They's sent out a new letter and hopefully I should get some payments within the next 2 weeks.
I am so relieved and can exhale a bit now and not have to dig so deep into savings. Between an extra day at work next week, extra long month and actually getting my payments, I will actually have a little extra. Thank you God!
Gee...Im starting to see the silver lining in life once again....maybe there's hope after all!
His fantasy life.....well aparently I was so horrible to live with that having absolutely no wiggle room financially, and now owing back taxes is worth it if he gets to be with her! She is literally at his every beck and call, AND they both are online gaming freaks. They're much more compatible with eachother than he and I ever were. She's always made him feel confident and in control as a man.