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Originally Posted By: greenblue90
I agree with Denver

It's bait alright, and I can think of 3 reasons why she's doing it:

1. She wants Navy to overreact so she can get mad at him and justify her infatuation with a possible OM.

2. She's actively testing the boundaries of the relationship to see how much she can get away with. Expect her to demand her "privacy" while she starts to actively chat up this new guy.

3. She might actually be warming up to Navy again but is too stubborn so she is baiting him so she can be the victim again.

Most importantly I think his W is trying to have it both ways. She wants the financial, logistical, and emotional support Navy provides, but has no interest in having a real marriage. We've gone over this before.

The appearance of a new guy though is very concerning. Another male with which she can bond with (even of only at a friendly level) automatically puts Navy at a disadvantage. Call GB crazy but I believe that from this point every interaction, every conversation, and every action will be compared to this guy and any other "friends" she may have.

"why is it that I have so much fun with these men, but I can't even stand my husband"

As to how to handle it, my recommendation is to bring up that you overheard her conversation, and also noticed she is hiding her friends list. Tell her you are not accusing her of anything, but that her actions could give the wrong impression. Tell her you want to trust her, but it's hard when she looks like she has something to hide.

At this point expect her to fly off the handle. My guess is she'll say something hurtful or threaten to leave in order to get you to back off. She'll act outraged and say you are violating her privacy. It's a smokescreen dont get baited into apologizing for violating her privacy. Let her know that a condition for being married to you is a certain level of transparancy. That being said I think it may be a good idea to make a list of your non-negotiables.

Expect her to rebel and threaten a walk out. Hold strong and weather the storm. I think you should call her bluff.


Agree with GB on every word.


M 43
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W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
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Hi everyone. Still chugging along here. W continues to treat me like crap. U am continuing to gradually get to where I will not put up with it.

Back to the phone call i heard the other day. I don't think there is a OM...it appears it was an issue that the Ohio BFF was having with her BF. but, W's FB friends is still hidden. At this point, i don't know if I even care. Came home from work Friday and W was pretty drunk. Apparently she polished off a handle of rum in a week....again.

I deserve better, and my kids deserve better.

I will continue to pull away and see if it gets any reaction out of W sometime soon. I'm not overly optimistic though.

To end on a better note...today D6 rode a bike for the first time. And yesterday she earned her green belt at tae kwon do. What an amazing little girl she is. smile


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Originally Posted By: Navyguy


I will continue to pull away and see if it gets any reaction out of W sometime soon. I'm not overly optimistic though.


Navy,

You are still -- nearly 3 years into this -- doing things for the WRONG REASON.

You don't pull away to get a reaction out of your wife. You pull away to get on with YOUR life, and to emotionally protect yourself while you do.

As for this:

Quote:
W continues to treat me like crap. I am continuing to gradually get to where I will not put up with it.


, I'm just shaking my head. Crap behavior is crap behavior, and one doesn't "gradually get to the point where they don't put up with it." These boundaries should be laid out IMMEDIATELY when someone is giving you the CB.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Navyguy

I deserve better, and my kids deserve better.



I agree.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Navy
I thought folks were calling me hard headed. You seriously need to demand she respect you like Starsky said its not something you can gradually ease into. It starts now.

If you must pick one or two things each week she does and put a stop to them. Better yet, next time she flies off the handle put a stop to it.

IMHO the day you make your breakthrough is the day when she goes off on a rage, and you open the door for her to walk out on. It will be an ugly, sad day.

I still remember when that day came for me. It was like the bomb all over again, but this time I pulled the trigger. We were both emotionally drained by the time it was over. I seriously thought for 3 days she really was going to leave.

Come to think of it, those days were worse than the bomb. At least I had some hope after the bomb.

The point of this is to completely free your W of the bonds she perceives you have on her. So that if she does stay then it's totally by choice.

It really is the only way.

This is how I think it should go:

*w unfairly snaps at you

Navy: I don't like what you just did, please don't do that again.

Mrs Navy: I'll do what I want/you can't tell me what to do/you're a jerk

Navy: a married couple should not treat each other like this

Mrs Navy: then I don't want to stay married/I'm leaving

Navy: I care about you, but if you'd rather leave than have a good marriage it's your choice.

*Mrs Navy becomes increasingly belligerent

*Navy: sticks to his guns, maybe creates some space between the two.

*Mrs Navy stomps out the door, or finds some space away from navy to think

*navy suffers because of uncertainty (sorry bud it's just how it goes)

*mrs navy finally makes her decision

*both move on either together or apart

OR

You could just keep walking on eggshells for the rest of your life.

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Originally Posted By: greenblue90
Navy
I thought folks were calling me hard headed. You seriously need to demand she respect you like Starsky said its not something you can gradually ease into. It starts now.

If you must pick one or two things each week she does and put a stop to them. Better yet, next time she flies off the handle put a stop to it.

IMHO the day you make your breakthrough is the day when she goes off on a rage, and you open the door for her to walk out on. It will be an ugly, sad day.

I still remember when that day came for me. It was like the bomb all over again, but this time I pulled the trigger. We were both emotionally drained by the time it was over. I seriously thought for 3 days she really was going to leave.

Come to think of it, those days were worse than the bomb. At least I had some hope after the bomb.

The point of this is to completely free your W of the bonds she perceives you have on her. So that if she does stay then it's totally by choice.

It really is the only way.

This is how I think it should go:

*w unfairly snaps at you

Navy: I don't like what you just did, please don't do that again.

Mrs Navy: I'll do what I want/you can't tell me what to do/you're a jerk

Navy: a married couple should not treat each other like this

Mrs Navy: then I don't want to stay married/I'm leaving

Navy: I care about you, but if you'd rather leave than have a good marriage it's your choice.

*Mrs Navy becomes increasingly belligerent

*Navy: sticks to his guns, maybe creates some space between the two.

*Mrs Navy stomps out the door, or finds some space away from navy to think

*navy suffers because of uncertainty (sorry bud it's just how it goes)

*mrs navy finally makes her decision

*both move on either together or apart

OR

You could just keep walking on eggshells for the rest of your life.



Hire this man! ^^^ whistle


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Happy 8th Anniversary W.


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Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11
W came home: 3/17/11
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Take care of yourself today, Navy...

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Ouch....sorry Navy. Love and light coming your way.

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Navy, how's it been going for you? Have you tried implementing any of greenblue's suggestions?


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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