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My H says I can have everything, but I am doubtful that that will happen. He is far more materialistic than I am. I think he thinks that he will just go on traveling for work, and not need anything. Yet, he comes home and likes to take over. Eck!


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Wendy, a week after my H left I packed up the rest of clothes and his memorabilia. It's been in the garage ever since. He dug through it a few times when he's been here to pick up the boys. I presume he was looking for his dresser casual shirts for all of the dating he's doing. Well, after they sat in the laundry basket for a while I finally threw them out. I certainly wasn't going to wash them. I don't understand why he doesn't want all of his childhood pictures, etc. He also hasn't asked for any of our family photos or those of the boys. I guess it's all part of rewriting history.

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So tonight my STBX starts a R talk. And it turns out he has been being nice to me because he thought we were all agreed on how much he will "Give" me. And I don't even remember having the conversation he reports we had.

So we went over the numbers, again, he threatens to just quit working, again. He goes on about how hard he has to work to make all that money. I said what about what I do, and he tells me that what I do is easy, I have it easy.

I told him that my first thought for years has been about him. I always am worried about his needs. For pity sakes he hasn't bought his own toothpaste, shaving cream, shampoo, anti-prespirant, razors or even a toothbrush since I don't know when.

I told him I think he gave up on our relationship in 2000. I told him he has been being remote and distant to me for years. We have moved 16 times in the 33 years we have been together. And when he makes his next move by himself maybe he will feel the pain of that. Or some other silly woman will take care of poor him.

And all I can think is how can he be so rotten. And I called him on the way he has been acting. He told me that I have been the one being nice to him. I told him no, he asked me to watch TV with him. He said that no, I asked could I sit with him. The only time I asked was it okay to sit with him was when the grandkids were over. I was so mad I threw the remote from the sound bar at his chest (It honestly weighs 2 ozs, tops). He threatened to call the police. I told him to call the police so they could laugh at him.

I told him to quit talking to me, to quit pretending like we are friends, to just not interact with me. He said he was just trying to be nice. I said don't talk to me anymore. And I don't know how someone goes dark in the same house, BUT I'm going to figure it out.

Then I gathered my stuff up and went to my woman cave. Every time I think I should be elsewhere and don't go I regret it. I don't know how many of you are sailors, but there is a saying about putting a reef in your sail. The saying is the time to put in a reef is the first time you think about it. Because the second time you think about it, it is probably too late.

I need to remember that the time for me to get out of the house is the first time I think about it.

And as I am sorting out this house, packing away my bits and pieces so my house can be staged for sale, I will take what few things are his, and I will put them in those huge asian nightstands he decided he wanted. And when it is time for him to move he can figure it all out by himself.

And I know he didn't hear me, but as I left the room I said: "I'm not buying you anymore bananas." And it pains me to say this, but right now I don't even see how I could ever care about him.

He is a selfish mean person. And even though he started the R talk, he is so shallow that his favorite TV show in the world (American Idol) was about to come on, and that ment we couldn't talk anymore. Just in case anyone wonders why I had the remote to the sound bar in my posession. And why I threw it at him. I had turned down the TV when he started talking to me. And it is being recorded on the DVR, so it wasn't like he couldn't miss a few minutes of it.

I don't like the person he is making me into. I need to get far far away. I was feeling bad and second guessing my decision to move to California. But this just makes me realize, I can't be around him. He brings out the reptile brain in me.

My kids and grandkids won't miss anything by not being around him. Because he doesn't teach them things, he doesn't do anything. I have taught them everything they know. He just goes off by himself and does what he wants.

Then complains that he did all the work. By himself.

Okay, Rant over. Yes, I know this isn't DB. I think I am just in saving myself mode. And it is so hard to realize he just doesn't give a rats behind about me.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Yep! They think if they're the one earning the money, then they're the one doing everything. Once you are gone, he will realize what you actually did for him. This is typical MLC --- rewriting history, even the immediate history of a couple of days. Then they try and make you feel like you're going insane. This why I like to journal here, so that my H can't tell me what was said ... I can go back to my journaling.

Good idea to go dark on him. It's doable ... I did it for weeks at a time, even when H was working at home. Again, financial talk should be directed to the lawyers.

Take care, Wendy.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Oh, and remember, you earned that alimony. You made a home for your STBX, are the mother of his children, moved several homes and supported him in his career (this is what I realized about me). Just that alone earns you a decent pension. I bet you did that and more. What other woman can compare to that? Certainly not that weirdo OW. And, I think she knows you're a better person than she is. That's why she's trying to press your buttons, spying on you to see if you do have faults (which all of us do).

Get the separation agreement, including the finances sorted out ASAP. The sale of the house can come later. IMHO.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Thanks BeingMe.....

And like nothing happened he came to the door of my Woman Cave just now to tell me "Goodnight".

I think maybe my feelings should be hurt..... he usually says: "Goodnight, see you in the morning." Which for some odd reason cracks me up.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
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For cripes sake, STOP having financial discussions with him - those belong in the mediators office. Period. If he tries to start one again - tell him you'll discuss it in mediation. Stop.

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Wendy,
When you h attempts to draw you into discussions about financials, either change the subject or walk away. You are now at the point where these type of discussions should be held in mediation. All he is doing is trying to beat you down to submission so that you will agree with what he wants. Don't go there.

Walk away from him when he starts this nonsense...it's not good for you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Wendy~ LOL I thought I was the only one who thought of things like this.... "For pity sakes he hasn't bought his own toothpaste, shaving cream, shampoo, anti-prespirant, razors or even a toothbrush since I don't know when."

It would be interesting to know if they think the toothbrush fairy comes and magically replaces their toothbrushes..... of course we can not forget the mystical bathroom fairy who cleans the bathroom when it needs it. grin

Hoping to spread some humor on an otherwise not so humorous time for you Wendy. smile Keep looking up, there are brighter days ahead.

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So STBX continues to say goodmorning and goodnight, with the see you laters mostly attached.

Last night my BFF (who just had the double masectomy) graduated from college with a degree in social work. Her oldest daughter also graduated from the same university with a masters in education. I was so very proud of them, glad to watch the ceremony. For some odd reason it made me so sad today.

The biggest event in my life was the day I graduated from college and got comissioned in the air force. I worked so hard for that. And it seems many things have not gone the way I thought since then.

All part of the journey!

ALoha,

Wendy


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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