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#2240876 - 04/26/12 02:59 AM NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station)
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
Time for a new thread for me.

Here is my old one: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2234458&page=1

I am using an old Air Force term for this thread. Not Repairable at This Station (NRTS) was how they used to tag equipment that had to go back to a more sophisticated repair facility for repair.

I'm kinda feeling that way about me and my situation. My H brought me all the updated papers to take to the lawyer, happily and quickly. It hurt me to the core, and I just thanked him and put on my yoga smile.

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. If I stand still he will sell the house and I won't have a clue what I'm to do next. He so just wants to be done and gone and move on to his new happy place.

If I press forward, I'm getting divorced and most likely moving away. But I need, right now, to have a plan. And the plan seems to be sorting out the legalities.

So I feel I can't repair me at this station. So I need to move on. This isn't what I want, but I also don't want to be the one being stupid and winding up holding the short end of the stick.

My sister and OW are in a battle of silliness on FB. I have asked my sister to quit engaging her, that it is better if OW has the fun target of my H for her crazyness. Since my sister thinks he is a bum who I should drop, that probably won't happen.

My sister posted an obscure video called "Cheater, Cheater" which is pretty funny. OW reposted it, and basically made the comment that he had cheated on me before, so it was okay he cheated with her. And one of her friends wrote a comment that told OW to "Hang in there." ??????????

Then OW posted a photo of her scales at 125 complaining that she can't gain back the 7 pounds she needs to gain. (Poor, Poor OW)

And H just asked me did I want to watch TV with him.... we have the grandkids, granddog and it is mayhem here!

Aloha,

Wendy
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2240892 - 04/26/12 07:21 AM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: WenikiTiki]
job Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/00
Posts: 18783
Loc: Maryland
Wendy,
It's a tough pill to swallow when they bring you what you need to file for divorce w/a happy smile on their faces. What you need to do now is start working out the legalities of your finances. One of the things that they will request from the both of you is a listing of all financial expenses, etc. So, if you have time, you might want to start on that.

As for the ow, your sister needs to stop engaging her. The ow could be dangerous and and it doesn't take much to send someone this nutty over the edge. Your sister thinks that she is helping you, but she isn't...she's making the situation worse in the long run. You also need to ask her not to share any information about the ow w/you. You have to keep your mind focused on what is at hand and not have any distractions now.

As for your h, he will find out that the grass isn't greener over on the other side of the fence in due time. I'm so sorry he's moving forward on this.

Wendy, please take care of yourself.

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#2240902 - 04/26/12 09:16 AM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: job]
Igaveup Offline
Member

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 526
Loc: Dallas tx
So sorry to hear he is continuing with his plans....i know how much this hurts, but ask God for his strength and for his comfort without Him in my life I never could of gotten to where I am today...my life is GOOD and peaceful.

I have occasional down days but thru prayer and my faith I am doing good.I have to come to the realization with God that HE is my provider...my comforter....and my redeemer....He is all I need until if and when my ex should happen to come home ...

But for me right now things are good...it was so scarry at first, but I am here today doing so much better than when I first came here.......please do take care of yourself and ask God for his help,he is ready to help us all.....
_________________________
Done 01/2014

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#2240915 - 04/26/12 09:47 AM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: Igaveup]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2225
Wen,

Just time for a quick reply. I am sorry that you are going through this.

Listen to the girls. They are giving you solid advice about how to protect yourself financially.

As far as how to protect your heart?

That is a harder question.

Please take time for yourself. Don't allow your anger and hurt to run this train.

Remember that your H isn't the man that you married and he may never be that man or anyone similar again.

One of my best friends from these boards has a saying...

The only way to do it is through it...

That includes feeling all of your feelings and dealing with them instead of stuffing them down.

You are strong enough to handle all of this.

(((hugs)))
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2240941 - 04/26/12 11:21 AM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: cat04]
Andabelle Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 1064
The old saw that living well is the best revenge will be literal in your case. I really get the impression that OW's A with your H is more about her and you than her and him. Your refusal to engage makes her crazy. Maybe if you tell your sis she is giving OW what she wants, she'll stop engaging her...

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#2240956 - 04/26/12 12:31 PM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: WenikiTiki]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11941
Quote:
As for the ow, your sister needs to stop engaging her. The ow could be dangerous and and it doesn't take much to send someone this nutty over the edge.


I second this - seriously, this is a woman you once had an intuition might push you off a cliff! Don't underestimate her potential for mayhem. Tell your sister she is endangering you by stirring up this nutcase.

As for planning for your future - I understand your desire to move and get settled. And in this market, buying sooner rather than later is probably a good idea - which is unfortunate, because you really don't have a good idea of where your life is going, it's not a good time to buy. But given that you have to sell at this low point in the market, you don't want to end up priced out.

Will your kids be able to move with you that quickly? Or should you consider buying a property where you want to end up and renting it out, while you stay in Hawaii and work for a while until the kids are ready to move?

I know you don't really want to take a job now, since you may move and frankly, I don't know how it would affect your divorce settlement. But looking forward, you need to find gainful employment so that you can be financially safe. And living well is the best revenge - so becoming wildly successful sounds good laugh

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#2240985 - 04/26/12 02:41 PM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: kml]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
Thank you all for your support and kind words. I am looking strongly at Nevada City, CA. Everyone who I tell this plan to thinks it is a good plan. There is a strong artisian community there. A large, active quilt guild. Close enough to a military base for my commissary and pharmacy needs.

A big plus is that many of my old friends are in that area, all hitting retirement, empty nest age. So plenty of people I know who enjoy my company who can hang out do fun things together!

The kids can find work easily in that area with their skills. They don't want to stay here. Hawaii is expensive and has terrible public schools.

I think it will all work out. The devil is in the details. So I am doing my favorite thing and making lists.......

Aloha,

Wendy
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2241032 - 04/26/12 05:42 PM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: WenikiTiki]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11941
Oooh...looked on Realtor.com at Nevada City - you can buy some nice big houses there for $200k. Nice!

Are there really enough job opportunities for you there? It's nice that you have friends there. Looks like a lovely place to live.

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#2241072 - 04/26/12 09:49 PM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: kml]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
I am thinking of doing something artsey, I have some old friends who will help me in this. They want me to open a shop and sell all the stuff I make. I can also teach some classes. I have enough original things that I do to find a market.

All my kids make cool stuff, too. Things will work out. And yes, there are good size houses, I can find a place with a room big enough for my Longarm quilting machine and frame. And a spot to set up my indigo vats!

I plan to move first, get situated and then watch for a decent storefront to open up.

I called a different lawyer today. He made more sense to me. And said that with what my H offered, and the law here, we can write it up, get it all done and be finished in 2 months. I didn't tell him, but I want it to be final on my H's birthday. Which also happens to be the day he started his current job. That way there will be no fuzzy math involved in what percentage of his 2nd retirement I will be getting.

And that also puts us past our anniversary, So we will have been married 32 years. I guess the year we lived together that I always thought should count is evened out by this past year of living together still married legally, but not in his heart!

Okay, off to work on a quilt.....
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2241112 - 04/27/12 12:12 AM Re: NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) [Re: WenikiTiki]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
Just Venting right now......

H comes home, kids are all here. I get him in private and tell him about the lawyer, appointment, details. He seems happy. I guess because I am once again doing all the dirty work. It just cuts me to the core that he can be so easy going about this. No big deal. I'm pretty sure he is more afraid to go to the doctors than to divorce me.

Then he looks at the Guide on the TV and says to me that a show we like is on tonight, am I going to watch it with him? So I bailed to my Woman Cave while dinner cools down enough to eat.

I also am confused by my kids actions lately. I think they are worried about what is going on and they are practically living here again. I can't figure out if they are trying to fix things, because when this all started in ernest was when they moved out. My younger son is also hanging out with us more. Maybe they are just confused and gathering around to spend more time with their dad, giving him a chance to make a connection with them.

All I know is I am REALLY WANTING to have a R talk with H. And KNOW I shouldn't.

Thank you, venting over and I bet the red beans ans rice is cool enough to eat!
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

Top
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