Not really sure how to say this... not being sensitive, I just don't have the words...
We are of course assuming that your W truly is MLC. Because it is often stated about MLC that we never truly know it is MLC until the person has travelled through it and come out the other side. Until then, they still are just another person behaving in ways that can sometimes be rational and sometimes... not so much...
If you W is MLC, she actually may not be able to process any changes in you... she may see it... maybe even acknowledge it... but she doesn't really process it because of the "confusion" in her own mind... if she even gets to the point of recognizing it, she may just see it as the time as some game that you are playing to manipulate her... which puts her back into anger... and fear...
feral cat...
The only thing that you can do is do what you will because you want to, but with MLC... no expectations... because the possible responses from someone in MLC is any one of a million... and it can be all million at the same time, or within a period of 5 minutes...
Right now, I think I mentioned that my W has stated she feels I'm better at scheduling than she is... in that same comment, she suggested that she is too "fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants" type of person... maybe she is... I saw some of that when I first met her... I called it "scattered"... but as time went on in the M, she took charge of that kind of stuff... and she was good at it... too good, maybe...
So I thought, "well fine, I can contribute and do the scheduling"... I would have been fine helping her with that in the past... which doesn't matter... I am fine doing that at this time...
So I do that and she then goes on to thank me about it, saying that she "kinda screwed up" last summer (regarding scheduling)... an apology? Maybe... some clarity...? maybe...
And again, in the same breath, says that it will be "easier" (for me to handle scheduling)... an admission that she doesn't want to be bothered with that...? maybe... that she is pushing the responsibility on me because she thinks I owe it to contribute...? maybe... or because she's acknowledging that she can't focus on fine details because she's still... confused and scattered...? maybe...
I take that info and store it for later processing and reference, make no comment on it and simply indicate to her that I've made adjustments to the schedule for her perusal...
and so it goes...
So, if you want to acknowledge the anniversary, certainly do so, but your W will process it how ever she can...
Using the feral cat metaphor, the cat approaches the food in your hand and notices that there is a piece of grass in your hand along with the food and scampers away... no reason except what ever meaning the cat took from that blade of grass... we will never know...
Same goes for any of the other things that you've "fixed"...
Yes, it does make sense, KD...man, so much wisdom here...
W has always needed time to digest and process new info or changes, so I really shouldn't be surprised.
Like your W, she is a "seat of pants" kinda person, which used to in the early days, and, still can, balance us out (a lot of that will be due to my changes, for the past few years it has been a contributor to my frustration...I choose to see it differently now, and being in late 40's and male...I don't need the stress of expecting someone else to necessarily see things the same way anymore...I have embraced my "type B" side...lol).
If she is in MLC, and I think so, I think she MAY be in the later stages...based on behavior (spewing at me/because of me has pretty much stopped, and most of the blaming, except where warranted) and what she has shared so far (clarity in certain issues, etc).
I did what I would have done if she had just disappeared or died, but still found myself surprised at the lack of reaction...meh, oh well, not my problem...I feel good for me and our kids.
"Blade of grass"..."feral cats"...rofl...that cracks me up! The metaphors and humor that the people here create is truly priceless...and mind saving!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
