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#2240707 - 04/25/12 01:51 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: gr8 day 2B alive]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
Thank you, gr8. Man, I would love a fast forward button right now...

Btw, you never said if your ex-W had a PA. I'm just curious to know how similar the situations are...
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



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#2240823 - 04/25/12 09:54 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: jks]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2088
gr8, I hope JKS won't mind a slight hijack here. I assume from your signature that you and W started piecing and then at some point decided to separate. Was that your decision or hers? What happened?

Accuray
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014

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#2240847 - 04/25/12 11:19 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: jks]
gr8 day 2B alive Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 1544
Loc: Philly Burbs
jks,

my ex was a WAW that was unhappy at first. We live the SSM. We couldn't communicate our needs to each other.
The short of it was, she found an old friend(female) on FB and started hanging out with her. She was a D gal with no kids and was always on the prowl.
When My ex left she didn't "cheat" on me however since she was hanging with this new "friend" she started to get attention when she went out. that ultimately led to her leaving.

during our separation she slept with one of her "friend's" friend from work.

That was before she came back.

Quote:
I would love a fast forward button right now...

Yeah, I understand how you feel. I've come a loooonng way. Do the work. Once you are in a happy place people will notice.

Youre a young beautiful woman. This is not your fault.

Don't let his words influence your feelings.

Feel free to ask anything.
I'm here to help.
_________________________
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

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#2240850 - 04/25/12 11:34 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: Accuray]
gr8 day 2B alive Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 1544
Loc: Philly Burbs
Quote:
I assume from your signature that you and W started piecing and then at some point decided to separate. Was that your decision or hers? What happened?

Accuray,
that is correct, we did have a brief stage of R. however I didn't have a solid plan for recovery. After 4 dates she told me she "wasn't feeling it". from there it took another 10 months for her to decide to D.

Our D was just finalized this past February.

From what a friend told me, she is trying to have a R with a 24 yo from work where they can't be seen together b/c dating people at work is grounds for termination.

He treats her like sh!t, he's 24 and goes out with his friends when he wants to.

She trying to control him and she's being clingy. Instant Attraction killer btw.
She has done zero work on herself and it shows in all her Rs, even with her family.

So now she's in the same spot with her current fling. no lessons learned.
So now since she has not learned anything she's unhappy with her current reality and she gave up her family and a guy who wanted to make things work.

At this point, I know I could "win" her back.
She reaches out to me in quit ways.

That's a choice a struggle with now a days.

There's so much more to my sitch. you can go back and read from my history.


I'm not sure
_________________________
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

Top
#2240854 - 04/25/12 11:49 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: gr8 day 2B alive]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2088
You're not sure?
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014

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#2240858 - 04/26/12 12:10 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: Accuray]
gr8 day 2B alive Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 1544
Loc: Philly Burbs
oops,
that line got separated from the group.

But Yes, I am not sure if I would take her back again.

I'm not waiting for her to have an epiphany. I am dating and realizing there is plenty of women out there who are great.
Not rushing into anything but looking for that special someone.

Not settling for crap. I want it all or nothing
_________________________
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

Top
#2240862 - 04/26/12 12:22 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: Accuray]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
This was something I found as I was going through my desk tonight...

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who your are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish.

Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.


I can't remember where or when I got this quote but I find it very interesting that I found it at a time like this. As I'm reading over it I can't help but feel better about my situation knowing that I'm in a huge learning stage of my life. I needed this. I need to push forward.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



Top
#2240974 - 04/26/12 01:59 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: jks]
gr8 day 2B alive Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 1544
Loc: Philly Burbs
jks, how are you doing today?
_________________________
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

Top
#2240982 - 04/26/12 02:27 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: gr8 day 2B alive]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
I went in for a job interview this morning and left feeling like what am I doing? Is this what I really want? I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I keep thinking I know what I want to do but when I start pursuing it, I quickly feel empty. Planning your life on your own when you're so used to having someone by your side planning it with you is a hard feeling to get over.

I want to be strong and I continue to tell myself that I will be taken care of eventually but for now I am lost.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



Top
#2241014 - 04/26/12 04:45 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 2 [Re: jks]
gr8 day 2B alive Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 1544
Loc: Philly Burbs
(((jks)))

It will come to you.
I used to have a link on my tagline that contained the song by Baz Luhrmann - Sunscreen

Your on the younger side so maybe you havent heard it before.

Check it out on youtube.
There are some good thoughts in it.


Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
I just figured out this one.
-----------------------------------------

Remember you have your whole life ahead of you, you are the captain. take control.

in 20 years from now you wont regret the things you did, you'll regret the things you didn't do.

start living.

gr8
_________________________
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

Top
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