Trying to hold onto the strings that bind you prevents progress. H needs to feel free to see what he wants. You need to let go to see what you want.
Putting in place financial protections makes sense. Settling on visitation makes sense. You need to protect yourself and you need these things settled to get rid of the emotional overhead. You both need space to breathe.
That being said, I think delaying the mediator by a week or two wouldn't be a bad idea. You need to see a L yourself (without sharing the visit with H) to know what you should seek. This stuff is a practical matter. It is business. You aren't going to save your M by being nice. Just take care of yourself in a reasonable manner.
It doesn't really matter what may or may not happen in 6 months. Right now you both need more financial and emotional independence. Get it in a way that doesn't put you at a long term disadvantage.
The goal is space and security -- both are needed now. Avoiding them won't help. Getting them may.
Thanks for your replies KD and OT. I think that I may have jumped the gun on the mediator appointment. I have seen a L individually and so has H, so I made an appointment with the mediator to get the ball rolling when I was upset last week, after H tried to ruin mother's day for me. (last minute cancel to take the kids for the afternoon when my mom and girlfriend had flown in to celebrate with me.)
I am speaking with my DB coach tomorrow am and I am interested to her his thoughts. This weekend I am GAL and going for a spa weekend with my girlfriend. Really looking forward to that!
Is there a thread on the thought " believe nothing of what they see and only 1/2 of what they do"? I would like to read more about it- Thanks!
M 37, H 37 M 10, T 12 S 4 D 2 3/14/12 ILYBNILWY 4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing 4/26/12 H moves to his new place
I too would like to have more thoughts on nothing what they say, 1/2 what they do.
When I try to apply it to my sitch I get confused.
TPS Me: 42 H: 41 M12 T15 S9 D6 04/10 Rumors of OW (denied by H) 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-Rumors continue 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' (email) 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed