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#2240296 - 04/23/12 11:26 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: MrBond]
Use to be Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 108
MrBond,

By the way, my counselor has asked me to do the samething too. Be the best father to GR. I do it wholeheartedly because he is my son and not for the reason to want my wife back. But you know, everytime I bring GR back to her place my heart is aching. Everytime at her door step, tears drop and my 1 yr old boy does not know anything. I have been doing this since my first counselling session. I bring my boy back to our house once a week since 31 Mar.

But it does not seem to be working.

Originally Posted By: MrBond
"Concentrate on my son just does not works"

First of all, you haven't even tried yet. We only recommended that you do this a couple of days ago and you haven't done it. Calm down.

Tell her that you will be taking care of your son on certain days and then stick with it. If she gives you a hard time, then speak to a L. She can't withhold your son from you.


"During our chat yesterday she mention the house will be sold."

These are only words. DON'T BE AFRAID OF WORDS AND THREATS.

"I really do not want that to happen."

Understand that it's what she wants to happen. It doesn't mean that you have to let her do it. Just validate her feeling that way and then don't bring it up.

"And if I want to concentrate on my son, i have limited time only"

Again, you have to start demanding more time. Come up with a schedule and give it to her. You're concentrating too much on how to get her back. Follow the steps first and be patient. Do something that will help calm you down. Meditate, do tai chi, anything to calm you down.

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#2240301 - 04/24/12 12:21 AM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: Use to be]
Use to be Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 108
And if these does not work, what do you guys think about this idea.

I am planning to engage a designer to design my boy's room. I would like to get my spouse involve. Do you think that is possible?

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#2240318 - 04/24/12 02:55 AM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: Use to be]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9874
"I bring my boy back to our house once a week since 31 Mar.

But it does not seem to be working."


Stop doing it to get your W back. Start being a good dad and just concentrate on him. You need to get your mind off your W right now.

"And if these does not work, what do you guys think about this idea."

Stop and don't do any of those other ideas. They are terrible.

"I am planning to engage a designer to design my boy's room."

That's fine but only do it because you want to do something for your son. NOT because you want your W back. I don't think you get it. You cannot get your W back in all of those ways that you described. It will be worse.

If you want to do the room for your son. Fine, but DO NOT involve your W.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2240530 - 04/24/12 09:19 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: MrBond]
Use to be Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 108
I have a talk with my wife yesterday because my lawyer ask me to do so. My lawyer tell me to tell her

"I would like to keep our family intact and so I have to take certain steps in court that will keep that possibility alive"

But she was so depress and she told me do you know that I am so scare of you? Even when I hear a car reverse parking sound, i will rush out to the window to see is it you who are here. Even I saw a red Honda Car, I really afraid that it is you.

I really do not know what I have done to make her so scare of me.

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#2240531 - 04/24/12 09:24 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: Use to be]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9874
In my opinion that was a terrible thing to bring up to your W. Your L was totally wrong. It sounds like a threat. That's why she sounds afraid.

"I really do not know what I have done to make her so scare of me."

It could be because you're pushing yourself onto her so much. many of the people who walk away from their marriages will say that they were "afraid" of their spouses. What they're afraid of is their own actions, but they don't want to admit it to themselves.

That's why I've been saying you have to be a good dad and take care of your son first. If you can SHOW her that you can do that, maybe she'll start trusting you again.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2240537 - 04/24/12 09:52 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: MrBond]
Use to be Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 108
MrBond,

I am so lost, I am really alone doing this battle and it seem to be a losing battle

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#2240549 - 04/24/12 10:14 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: Use to be]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9874
"it seem to be a losing battle"

It's because YOU ARE NOT LISTENING. You are still scared and thinking every little thing is going to hopefully turn your W around. It doesn't work that way. Take a deep breath and follow the advice given here.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2240553 - 04/24/12 10:28 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9874
So what do you plan to do? Write out a list and post it here.

What changes have you made in your life? Write them here and we'll evaluate. It's the only way you have a choice of getting your W back.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2240554 - 04/24/12 10:31 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: MrBond]
Use to be Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 108
But MrBond,

She told me yesterday don't make use of our boy. I am so disappointed. I love him wholeheartedly and she see it otherwise.

Yes I do hope she will be back too but my love to our boy is real. I told her yesterday that she have given me such a wonderful boy but she told me, no she is giving herself a wonderful boy.

MrBond would you be able to help? But I need to let you know, my spouse is someone who can't accept method that is too mean/haste

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#2240560 - 04/24/12 10:40 PM Re: Saving my marriage even she file for a divorce [Re: Use to be]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9874
Talk to your L about what you can do to get more time with your son. Afterwards, tell your W that you are entitled to equal time with your son and it is illegal for her to keep him hostage. And that you don't want to get lawyers involved but will do so if she refuses to let you see your son.

Fight for your son.

Don't say it in an angry way, but in a 'matter of fact' kind of way. Be sure you talk to your L first so she doesn't accuse you of making things up. If she gives you a hard time, get legal representation.

Do you have family that can give you support right now? Brothers sisters mom or dad?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
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