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I just read through all my posts from January. It is obvious that my biggest problem is obsessing about the situation and not focusing on me at all. I mean I'm doing the counseling, playing cards, etc. Here is my pattern downfall I recognize..

W starts to feel good. Interacts with me. Invites me to stuff. I hang out more. She still feels good. Her cycle changes to rage mode. She distances herself from me and gives me silent treatment. I start to react. I ask her what is up. She explodes. I still react. She threatens with L. Calms down. Rinse and repeat.

Today I actually had a decent day. Ironically I did not hear from her all day. I actually got some space for once. I did have some pretty bad anxiety this am but its ok now.

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Just talked with counselor he said what you resist persists

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my anxiety always came from thinking about H; what is he doing, who is he with, how can i manipulate him into wanting me again, what can i say to make him want to come back, has he thought of me today, is he sad about this, etc., etc., etc.

i finally had to go to my doctor and up my AD's and get a sleeping pill because i could not stop my brain!!

GAL has saved me from myself! i'm going places when i really don't want to and then i'm happy that i did. that makes me want to do it more. i'm also spending time with my family. that helps so much.

hope this helps.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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Well guys she booked a mediator for us next week. Not sure what I can do outside of showing up.

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like i have to show up right. Stupid to avoid this?

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I'm bummed out. My w start spewing crap at me and then emailed me to meet her next T at 3 for mediator appointment.

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Kd, vets, could use your input so badly right now

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Net, I know this is very painful for you but I'm not sure there is anything to be said that hasn't been said before.

You read over your old posts, you're an intelligent guy. What do you think the advice would be?

People can talk(type)until they're blue in the face but until you're ready to listen it's all dust in the wind.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: netmaster
I just read through all my posts from January. It is obvious that my biggest problem is obsessing about the situation and not focusing on me at all. I mean I'm doing the counseling, playing cards, etc. Here is my pattern downfall I recognize..

W starts to feel good. Interacts with me. Invites me to stuff. I hang out more. She still feels good. Her cycle changes to rage mode. She distances herself from me and gives me silent treatment. I start to react. I ask her what is up. She explodes. I still react. She threatens with L. Calms down. Rinse and repeat.

Today I actually had a decent day. Ironically I did not hear from her all day. I actually got some space for once. I did have some pretty bad anxiety this am but its ok now.



Net...

It's your role in this, that keeps things stirred up.

Can you see the role that you play ???

Why do you always come around to blaming her, for your shortcomings in communication ???

When are you going to start owning your part ?



You come across as an "all or nothing" kind of guy. There is no middle ground, and you interact with all the subtlety of a bowling ball in a blender.

When you say that you had a decent day, because you didn't interact...

How could YOU play a part in changing that, moving forward ?



What things could YOU do to perpetuate those things ???

What is one thing, that you can do today...for you ????

Something new, that you always wanted to do, but never did ???

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The appointment is made she asked me to go to the consultation. I'm going to go with her.

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