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#2239038 - 04/19/12 12:06 AM My wife is leaving me..
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
in january she took off her ring and said she wants a divorce. it rocked me to my core. i went into panic mode. trying everything, books,internet, individual counseling, etc.. then i read DR. thank god.

a little background. 3 years ago i lost my job. i'm an electician. state of the economy caused the company i woked for to go out of business. she got a job and i stayed home ith the kids and looked for work. didnt find much. then found out my W and "friend" of mine were up to something. W accused me of having sex with the neighbor. not true. then comes home with OM from the bar and he tells me he is gonna take care of her cuz i cant. didnt go so well..

i found a job in south dakota and moved here. we planned for me to get settled and then move the family. thats what i did. she kept txting OM and then started doing it with her friends brother to. blamed me saying she knew i was cheating on her out here. not true. they moved here. she kept contacting OM's then it seemed to stop. she really just hid it better and fooled me.

i worked on the road and was only homeon the weekends. i hated my job and was not to pleasant to be around on the weekends. plus i drank alot. a job opened in a bigger town and i got transfered. thought this would be great for my family. i got another dui shortly after moving. sat some jail time and i am out on bail right now. been 6 months. she saif i have a drinking problem. i do. i am an alcoholic. i went to treatment and go to meetings.

in january she come home from the bar wasted. told me she wanted a D. thats when i got suspicious. found out she was at a strip club with OM from her work. txting around 4000 times a month. i txt him from her phone and asked him to please leave her alone. i think it has mostly stopped. she cut my access to the phone log tho. no big deal.

i have been doing everything wrong. trying the LR technique and failing miserably. i go to jail for 40 days in less than a month. she is taking the kids and moving out then. she bought my S a bed today. i dont want this at all. i want my family. i love them with all my heart. i know i screwed up.

any help would be greatly appreciated
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2239056 - 04/19/12 01:55 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
wow...

ok, so. First, sorry your circumstances are as they are. Good that you found your way here.

I think your sitch needs to be processed a bit. The DUI really sux, especially the jail time. That is for sure? ie. Sentencing already brought forth by judge?

There is no reason why DBing can't work for you and possibly save your M... it will take effort... it will take time... and it simply will not be easy...

How old are you? Your wife? Your kids? How long have you been married? Together?

Not sure if you have read through the forums here and seen the "37 rules"? They would be worth looking at and keeping to while you are using LRT.

Your post begins your sitch at 3 years ago, losing your job. What was your life like prior to that? Did you think it was good? Great, even?

Does your W drink a lot as well? As long as you? Do you believe she may also have a drinking problem?

Start with that and others should be along to help support you as well.

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#2239067 - 04/19/12 03:02 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: ~ kd ~]
HollyAnn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/11
Posts: 124
How many children do you have and how old are they?
Yes, you and your W have some very destructive behaviors going on here. You are an alcoholic and she is acting out as well. Seriously, bringing a guy into your home to disrespect you? Ugh!
I think the first thing to do is address your addiction, which I see you are. Good job on that. A clear head will be needed to move forward.
Be a good dad to your kids, no matter what their mom is doing. They need a stable role model, so stay strong for them. It kills me to think about the horror they must be witnessing, so turn that around and make them feel safe. They don't need to see both parents flying off the rails.
Stop listening to, or defending yourself against her accusations. This is standard WAW spew, or "script." I never ceases to amaze me how far a WAS will go to justify their crappy behavior.
Keep posting and don't get discouraged.

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#2239088 - 04/19/12 07:26 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: HollyAnn]
totallydevoted Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/12
Posts: 90
Heartbroken...wow, what a story. It appears you definitely need to get yourself straightened out no matter what happens. W sees you as disruptive in her life...even though she's not too stable herself, she's crying out for security and stability. You get yourself on the right path and she'll notice...HollyAnn's advice is right on.

The 37 rules are fantastic but hard...believe me I know. I'm working on myself for myself...and it's what you need to do as well. Stay strong and if you are truly committed, time will heal all wounds...use it wisely.

M: 44
W: 39
D: 16
D: 14
D: 11
M: 17
T: 21 1/2
Bomb: 3/18/12
W contacted mediator: 3/27/12
S since bomb
_________________________
Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation

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#2239116 - 04/19/12 08:46 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: HollyAnn]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
thank you..

my S is 9 my D is 5. I am 30 my W is 32. before losing my job i thought life was great..

my wife doesnt drink often..when she does she does a bang up job
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2239161 - 04/19/12 11:04 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: HollyAnn]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
i am really having trouble with the LRT. she will want to talk and sometimes do stuff as a family. she asks me what i think of the beds she is buying for the kids. i dont want to think about it. it gets me in a funk thinking about losing them. they love me. i am a great dad. my D comes out to the couch everymorning early and cuddles with me. my S does the same thing at night. they dont do this with my W. My D bday was on Saturday. she said a few times "i dont want mom to come". this hurts me also cuz she is a great mom, just not so much right now.

we havent had sex since 10/11. the thought of separation scares me so much. EA is one thing. i dont know if i would ever take he back if she is sleeping with someone. im worried what this is going to do to my kids. they deserve so much better.

GAL isnt going so well either. i work 50 hrs a week. i get the kids ready for school, drop them off, pick them up, take them to sports, cook supper, get them ready for bed, put them to bed. i also have my aa meetings that i am squeezing in twice a week. to be fair my W is a full time student and works full time. she hasnt been to class in a long time tho. she shuts hersef in the bedroom to do "homework" at night. i bring the kids in to say goodnite and she is txting doing no homework. she is lost and it hurts to see her like this. she isnt the girl i fell in love with. i have a big part to play in this. since she turned 30 stuff has been downhill. my dui just hurried up everything i think.

i am going to keep being the best dad i can be. my kids deserve it. this is all so hard. how do i put on a happy face when i feel like throwing up all the time?
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2239442 - 04/20/12 08:26 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
why arent my posts showin up?
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2239510 - 04/20/12 02:52 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
so she texted me today.. somethin that didnt deserve a reply so i didn't. it is so hard not to respond though.

last night after i got the kids to sleep i was getting ready to go for a run. this is something i havent done in a long time. W asked what are you doing? i told her. she looked at me all crazy and asked why? didnt respond. went for my run. only 1.5 miles but i enjoyed mysef! i got home and she told me i looked disgusting. oh well. going again tonight.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2239645 - 04/21/12 10:27 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: totallydevoted]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
ok so ive replied a bunch and nothing shows up. i must be doin somethin wrong. i will keep trying.

i am scared of the separation. W says she needs time to heal. im not sure what that means and she wont tell me. i am trying the LRT and failing miserably. she knows exactly what to say to get me mad. i try not to, but when she says she is taking the kids and i wont see them i lose it. they are my center. i am a great dad and my kids always want to do stuff with me, not her so much. she is a good mom, but as of late has not been. she blames me and i understand. i dont agree but i understand.

i am going to be more healthy. im running again. i am going to my aa meetings and doing everything i can to stay sober. i really like where i am at with that. i keep reading books and stuff.

i am lost
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


Top
#2239882 - 04/22/12 12:45 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
HollyAnn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/11
Posts: 124
Stop believing anything she says right now. Remember, it's just standard WAW spew.
What makes you think any court would allow her to "take" the kids away from you?
See an attorney about your rights and that should calm some of your fears.
If she gets too wigged out, go back to the attorney and get a separation/custody agreement put in place. This is for you and your kids' protection.

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