W's MLC has definitely given me my own "look at that idiot in the mirror" journey...lol. I hate to say this, but I do believe that I might not have "woken up" without it...I am/was such a creature of habit with a formerly huge stubborn streak (oh, and W has hers as well!).
And I don't know about level headed...ha! We both have our quirky sides, and it wasn't until maybe mid-February that she had hit bottom enough, and I had done enough work on me, and detached enough, before that mature thinking/talking even started...Before I started posting here was the time she "flip out and run off screaming and yelling and blaming every one.", except for the running off part, though she talked about doing that, A LOT...
I honestly think the kids are what kept her from leaving, and me from leaving or kicking her out during those bad times last fall and winter.
Mid-calf huh?
I am too tired tonight to write more, though there is more to say...time to unwind and just "be" a bit.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Before I started posting here was the time she "flip out and run off screaming and yelling and blaming every one.",
Actually, the day I finally registered after lurking for a couple few months is the day she really spewed 200% and cut me up, down, cross-wise, filleted, and pate style and canned me for cat food...
I didn't really need to remind myself of that (or did I?).
Ha
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I am so glad you read that book! I remember when I found it on sale and bought it a couple years ago. I was thinking " wow this really is a perfect user manual for us women. I think men should be given one in order to make his life easier!"
In regards to your W verbally and emotionally putting you in the food processor (slicing and dicing, etc.).... I think as we get stronger and as we progress with our work, it's not a bad thing to revist those details, but only when we feel we're ready. When we wait to do this, we will see this spew in a whole different light and perspective.
Earlier this week I sucked it up and decided to go back to the emails from my XH. That was my emotional and verbal food processing from him. My perspective on it now is completely different than it was a year ago.
When he first sent those, I couldn't bare to read them but 2 times.I thought I was crazy, I couldn't believe how he was speaking to me, for he had never spoken to me like that in our entire relationship...ever. I was devastated.
But this time around, I was able to read that without taking it personally and looking at it objectively, as if maybe it were a friend asking me to read this from her WAS/MLCer. This time what I saw was someone taking absolutely no responsibility for their issues or emotions. Someone playing the complete victum. It was almost as if he were in complete denial of his very own life that he chose to partake in. Also in complete denial of how he sabatoged many things, yet pointed the finger at me.
So T, tread lightly. Looking back really isn't a bad thing, but only when someone is ready.
This weekend W really opened up about her pain and frustration, she allowed me to hold her as she cried on my shoulder for quite a while. Our youngest came in and I gave him a wink when I saw the concern on his face, his look then transformed into something priceless....
W has initiated a lot of phone contact, talking a lot about her stuff and whatever of daily life, she is hanging at the end of conversations as well.
Monday evening our oldest needed some rescuing, vehicle issues....I was totally calm after just a wee bit of frustration at first (we DO NOT need any repair bills at this time!) I had to go tow him back to civilization, ruining my plans of a joyous evening of doing taxes, lol. I think I showed my changes because as I was walking out the door, W wanted to give me a hug, it was a long one and she...said...ILY (!) and gave me some words of affirmation LL (!).
During one phone conversation she said that she wasn't sure if she should tell me this, but she thinks she is going through withdrawal from the cyber(affairs/OM...I do not yet know what all she may mean or has done) and all.
I am seeing a few different personalities rotate through the day(s), some depression, withdrawn, processing but some good mood as well, and some "ah-ha" statements...so...
But now the question that has been circling through my mind...am "I" ready for this, and, do/can "I" trust?
Trust this development? Trust again for life? :\ And what bothers me the most is that I no longer "see past" her flaws, and wonder if I still find her attractive like I used to....
Or does that come back as time progresses?
Maybe its just the LBS PTSD caution after all the damage wrought, idk...
Tomorrow will look different I can trust...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Well, this last weekend W cycled into withdrawal/depression, but she was aware of the wall she put up and acknowledged it.
I am confident OM existed now, without having to snoop, but whether just cyber/EA or if there was PA, still unknown and not a deal breaker...maybe this is the cause of the withdrawal/depression, along with some realizations she is expressing...idk...just trying to keep myself, my patience, my family and be the best dad, friend and T^2 I can.
Feeling a little low, having to be responsible for so much...having to cut out some solo GAL activities due to time and finances...have to focus on the kids and bigger priorities (job, finances, etc...what is best for the family).
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Perhaps it's time you kind of "wade" around yourself.....meaning, take your time to get a little more used to an akward situation and process your feelings.
I can understand how you would question if you're still attracted to her or not.
Personally I think that happens with time. As trust is regained, then it feels safe to be attracted again.
I find it very encouraging that she's being so honest with you, about some deep things going on with her. It shows she trusts you.
