i have been reading your post a couple of times. processing it through. ack!! La.. why do you always have to be so.. so right?? jk. thank you for writing this. i really learn so much when i read what others have to say. it forces me to consider things i wouldn't otherwise think about.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size. But when the high was gone, I was left with me...just another scared, unhappy junkie looking for another hit.
labug, This is so insightful; I'm in awe of your ability to understand your own patterns and describe them in ways that can make such a difference to others struggling with similar issues.
Just wanted to let you know how much you've helped me with this.
I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size.
I know what you mean, labug. However, if you can detach from this and truly accept each person as they are, there is a lot of freedom to be found.
And then I got no acknowledgement on Mother's Day. Yes, it was an expectation. He had emailed me a Happy Mother's Day last year and we were S then. And I am still the mother of his children and a very good one, I might add. (Yes, they remembered.)
I'm hurting and I want to email him something hurtful...but I won't. I don't know that I could hurt him,
I'm not going to mind-read about why, I have to be OK with not knowing why or at least not speculating.
I think there's something to be said for "going to ground" to process things. I'm trying to develop that skill. I acted out based on my emotions far too many times for far too long...and here I am. I think you use your humor to deflect the deep feelings this is bringing up in you and I understand it's difficult to un-guard your heart as you might be hurt again. ...
this is so true. It's amazing to be able to see it and make a concious effort to change it. I just saw it as me stopping acting crazy. Waiting the 24 hours before I text some nastiness. I do use humor as a shield. I think so many of us do. I've always appreciated the advice you've given me and reading your thread has been really wonderful today. thank you!