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Warning: what follows is venting, whining and just crap!
I am actually pretty calm, just need to get this out of my system so I can sleep.

So H and OW were on the phone for about 2 hours this evening. I guess they made up.

Which is good, her emails are annoying. She needs to quit telling me how to move on with my life. I don't understand why she keeps telling me my H hates me, or doesn't care for me, or any of the other meaan stuff she keeps spouting.

And today my H said something about her to me and I said: yesterday you said she was crazy, today everything is fine? I really don't want to hear anymore. Then he goes on to say she is really a redhead. I look confused. She is blond. He explains that she has a bad temper. No honey, she is bat chit crazy! (I kept that thought to myself)

So I told him that I didn't understand why he was so mad about the room switch. He said he had a bad day he was up for 24 hours flying, then she was going nuts and I moved him to a different room.

Well I am sorry it is so much harder to find a flight out of Arkansas back to Hawaii most likely via DC. I'm pretty sure his difficult travel schedule was his own darn fault.

I told him that it was a comfortable room and he certainly couldn't have any complaints about it. He said he likes that it is darker than the master bedroom. But that he still can't find all his stuff.

I said that I hadn't liked waking up in the wrong bed, wrong room, everything changed. He said he doesn't like it either. I didn't say anything, but was thinking really loud. He has made his choices, now I am making mine.

And I said to him that I had just this morning put all my stuff back where it was originally before I moved out in October. And that I was going to enjoy not having to try and remember where my socks were.

He said again he doesn't like things being different. I told him everything was going to be different from now on.

I also told him I didn't like what mean things OW said to me, that for her to call me names is unacceptable. I reminded him I don't call names. And in addition to all the other things I have had to deal with over the years I resent anyone acting like I haven't pulled my fair share of the load.

I reminded my H that I had been the main caregiver for the many years of our boys and their bad asthma. Both boys had breathing treatments 4 times a day for many years. I know where every rest stop was that had electrical outlets so when we traveled I could get a machine running.

I have slept on the floor beside their beds to make sure they were breathing okay, I have done more time at ER's and even now deal with their asthma as adults. My oldest son spent last Christmas in the ER with his asthma. And I was there with him, because he wanted me there. Because he knows I know when to complain and when to sit and wait.

My H was special ops and was gone at least 50% of the time. And when he was around they worked some long hours. They flew a lot of nights and that ment being quiet during the day. So often we would just go out so he could get is crew rest.

A big part in my decision to get out of the reserves was how sickly my kids were. And I was also in a special ops unit, and we all know how that goes.

And to have OW, who was a WAW in her first marriage and who LEFT BEHIND her 9 year old son tell me I an an ungrateful user is just about too much crap. And not to beat a dead horse, but I have worked enough to earn social security benefits. She is 54 and hasn't. It is like she is projecting her bad stuff on me.

I am putting this whole scene in my rearview mirror as soon as I can. I don't know how a person could ever get past all the mean being handed to them. And H is so good at handing mean out.

If this is his true self coming out, it is darn scary.

OKAY! Enough of the complaining!

I have one or another of my old friends write something nice on my alt universe page about once a day. Things about me being positive, or just that they miss me. I know I am not a bad person. I can happily figure out my new place in the world.

And most of all I can let go or that anchor who is dragging me down!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
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Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Wendy,
I am so sorry that she's still texting you. She is trying to bring you down and make you so angry that you will pick a fight w/your h and/or you leave. It's very childish, but that's what she's doing. She knows that your h isn't doing much in the way of arguing w/you or making you angry, so she's going to help the situation along. Please, please do not allow what she is sending you to get under your skin. She shouldn't be hurling rocks at anyone...she needs to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror at what she's done. She's certainly not mother of the year by any means.

As for your h, everything has changed and nothing will ever be the same again...and who is at fault for this change taking place? No one, but him. So, now he has to live w/it or start making the right decisions that will involve both you and him and not the ow.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Snodderly!

I have my weekend planned. I am going to sew all day tomorrow with my bee. It was supposed to be a marathon, but will be from 10 am to 7 pm. I'm sure I will be tired of sewing by then....

And I told H I was going to sleep on the boat for the weekends. There are movie theaters and resturants and a mall all right across the street from the boat. I'm sure I can occupy myself.

I have noticed that when ever I am making my plans and moving on it is when H gets agitated, then OW gets agitated, then she starts on me. She posts stuff on FB and then texts me to look at it. Or she sends me emails and when I don't respond she texts me to look at them.

I don't have a smart phone, I don't have my life electronically all hooked together. I think she has me so monitored that if I sneeze she knows it. For sure she looks at my FB all the time.

I am taking care of myself. I won't miss yoga. I am sleeping the right hours. I am eating well. I have stopped losing weight. Haven't gained any back. I need to lose about 30 more pounds, but the stress of dieting is not what I need right now.

I really appreciate hearing back from you. It is nice to hear the voice of reason, amongst all the crazy!

Anyone who wants to play that new game Scramble with Friends should try it. It is a fun game and since you play in 2 minute rounds it doesn't eat up your time! My game name is easy to guess, someone challange me!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Oh Boy, did my day take a turn for the weird! I went to Sprint and finally got my new phone. And a young man approached me trying to buy my old phone for $50. He lost his out drinking last night, it seems. I asked him was he a marine, he said yes. I asked how old he was, he said 22.

His contract renews in 2 weeks. Meanwhile he is out of luck.

I told him he could have my old phone, after the guy transferred my data off, then whiped it to factory condition for me. (The front touch screen no longer cares if you touch it, the volume switch works when it wants too and the ringer speaker is intermittant. It is a red fold in half girl looking phone.)

He must have been deprarate.....

Anyway, I gave him my number, to give back my micro SD card when he gets his new phone. He walks out of the building with me and asks me out. I say no, I've got plans. He tells me I sure don't look 52 and could we get together tonight and hang out.

As ammusing as all that is, I really don't feel like dating 22 year olds. And my friend who just had surgery needed me for the afternoon. I told him maybe he could hang out with my kids. He made it plain he wanted to hang out with their mom.

Anyway, 6 texts and 2 phone calls later, I'm still laughing. I'mm invite him over next time my son has all his pottery friends over. But isn't my ego getting a boost!?!

My boat plans are getting ruined. My son decided the weather conditions are right, so he is trying to head out to Molakai. Wish I could go, but he needs help babysitting.

I'm just staying flexible!

Aloha,

Wendy

PS KML I was thinking about your cougar posts.....


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
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I had a little awakening yesterday. At the bee I got roped into doing someone else's crazy project that they volunteered for. (Hand sewing 40 curtins for a historical project.) I don't want anyone to know I was involved, because the only thing authenic about this was that they are badly done. No self respecting missionary woman ever made such horrid curtins for her windows.

At the end of the day, I asked myself why I , once again, let someone step on me and push me around. My quilt for the quilt show isn't finishing itself. Everyone seems to think I can just drop my plans and do theirs.

And this is because I LET THEM!

I went out to a place last on Pearl Harbor Base called "The Country Bar". Didn't dance, need to freshen up my line dancing skills. I didn't stay long, but chatted with a few nice couples. I'm going to bring my kids with me next time, I think they woyld have fun.

Today my H and I went to breakfast at Denny's. I may be saying I'm done with him, but I am still doing my best to not talk, keep up my changes, and move on gracefully. Like some on here say, I can do what I need to do for me. And leave room for him to catch up later. Later might be in 10 years. Or I might be married to the nicest guy in the world by then. Time will tell.

But right now I am just considering him to be a feral cat. I'll keep putting out the food bowls for now. And not make any sudden moves toward him. I don't know what to say or do about OW. I need to ignore her, and all her crap.

Today the kids and I went to see the Dalai Lama. He spoke here in Honolulu today. I loved hearing him speak. Even better was listening to my kids talk about what they heard him say. I have some smart kids!

Anyway, what I took away from what I heard today from the Dalai Lama was to love EVERYONE, even our enemies. Forgive, but don't forget. You get what you give. And he spoke about perspective. And I realized that is what detachment is, putting things into perspective.

The Dalai Lama spoke about how when we focus on a problem it obscures our whole field of vision. But if we back away and look at the problem differently, further away and from a different angle we can see that the problem isn't as big or horrible as we thought.

He is a pretty funny guy. Told a few funny stories.

Anyway, I will continue to detach, get my house ready to sell, but I'm not filing any paperwork. The lawyer I spoke to told me that at this point I gain nothing by filing now. She said keep all my financial records. If the house gets under contract, she says that is when I need to get more serious.

I still want to be/feel more separated from my H. He still wants to act like all is okay, 'til we go to bed in our serarate bedrooms. I spent a lot of time away from him this weekend. And right now, this very minute, I feel him trying to feel closer to me. Sharing meaningful glances over a TV show we are watching together. He asked me to watch TV with him. But made sure I knew he was calling OW, asked for a few minutes.....

I am just going to keep playing things by ear. Op Feral Cat will be going on here, too.

Aloha,

Wendy


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
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Quote:
PS KML I was thinking about your cougar posts.....


LOL! See, it's not just me! There's a whole weird zeitgeist out there, with young men pursuing US. Who'd a thunk it???? It NEVER happened to me in my 30's and 40's.

As for your H - that's fine that he invited you to watch TV with him, but the second he got on the phone to OW, I would be out the door.

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KML

He excused himself to the other room to make a call. I went into my Woman Cave and was busy. He then came to my door and asked me if I wanted to watch TV. Then shared meaningful glances.

GOD ONLY KNOWS what he is thinking.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
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Ha ha - you assume he's THINKING????

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BTW - why on earth don't you change your privacy settings so OW can't see your FB?

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yes Wendy,
that's what I was going to say. You can change your privacy settings to where nobody can look at your facebook unless you friend them.

That's what I did, was curious if OW was checking me FB out.


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
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