When I told H about the room he was angry. He threatned to move money. I told him to do what he has to, we will see lawyers, get the divorce rolling. Much more nastiness. I heard about his hard earned money, how I'm trying to control him, how he wants the master bedroom.
When I reminded him he said he would swith rooms he didn't remember that conversation. When I told him that if OW started back up with the texting/emailing me over this I would contact police he informed me that she broke up with him.
How could OW break up with him over the room, when you just told him about it and in the same convo he told you she broke up with him??? LOL
The craziness in their minds with the MLC depression is sometimes not to be believed.
And IF OW actually said that (you can't actually believe anything coming out of your H's mouth right now, you know) - then she really is an incredible whack job. Which we already knew.
It's a good thing though that he is finally admitting that she is behind the emails. And probably that's the real reason for the breakup, cuz he finally called her on that - which is good.
He may not be able to hear it from you, but if there is anybody else in his life who can suggest antidepressants to him, now would be a good time.
(And you're right, he complained about the power cords cuz he couldn't find anything else wrong to complain about.)
My current plan: Not speak unless spoken to. Keep on making plans for my future alone. Finish staging house/get it on market. Be out at night more than in.
And if you happen to be out at night dressed up all cute and wearing a little too much perfume.....all the better
When I told H about the room he was angry. He threatned to move money. I told him to do what he has to, we will see lawyers, get the divorce rolling. Much more nastiness. I heard about his hard earned money, how I'm trying to control him, how he wants the master bedroom.
When I reminded him he said he would swith rooms he didn't remember that conversation. When I told him that if OW started back up with the texting/emailing me over this I would contact police he informed me that she broke up with him.
How could OW break up with him over the room, when you just told him about it and in the same convo he told you she broke up with him??? LOL
The craziness in their minds with the MLC depression is sometimes not to be believed.
And IF OW actually said that (you can't actually believe anything coming out of your H's mouth right now, you know) - then she really is an incredible whack job. Which we already knew.
It's a good thing though that he is finally admitting that she is behind the emails. And probably that's the real reason for the breakup, cuz he finally called her on that - which is good.
He may not be able to hear it from you, but if there is anybody else in his life who can suggest antidepressants to him, now would be a good time.
(And you're right, he complained about the power cords cuz he couldn't find anything else wrong to complain about.)
I think she has broke up with him at least twice in the past 3 days..... It is very confusing
H talked to OW last night for awhile while the kids were here. And I think in the manner of 8th Graders she REALLY Broke UP with him, at least in his mind, this time. I have heard it so many times from him.
I just get that old song "Breakup to Makeup" in my head with all the gyrations those two have been through. And I thought more about her saying she was breaking up with him for sure because he didn't make me move out of the master bedroom.
She is a nut and wants to punish me. I have said from the start that she decided she wanted my life and it sure seems she is trying to get it. Sometimes I'm not even sure what this is all about. Except it comes with a large side order of CRAZY!
But I believe she wants him to fight with me more. Which I don't and never have. My mom was a fighter and a screamer. Still is...... I think I based my marriage and life on being the opposite. All well and good except the part where he and I don't know how to get over problems except by ignoring them....
KML: You suggested a book to someone called : "The Sociopath Next Door". I think OW is a sociopath. Other friends of mine told me they hated her on sight.
I said to one friend I felt dumb for missing it. (This is a smart friend, BTW) My friend told me that OW seemed to act differently towards me, she was kinder and nicer to me. My friend felt like she (OW) liked me and was therefore nicer to me than to my friends.
OW (Posing as my friend) also started cutting me off from my friends. Classic sociopath behaviour. And towards the end of our friendship I caught her in several lies. If I ahd used the 3 strike rule I would have had her out of my life sooner. I think she already had her hooks into my H by then.
I am ordering that book. I clearly need to work on my boundaries! And if I'm going to re-enter the dating world I should be learning how to protect against that sort of person.
I wonder if maybe one of my sons could bring up antidepressants with my H? I've thought he was depressed for awhile, but he is one of those genuine pill hating people. He is pretty healthy, other than his back. He takes only a few vitamins and no perscription meds.
I know from reading some of your early posts that I can't just slip them in his OJ! Too bad!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Hi, ADs might help, but he is still in MLC. And I also sense that a bit of you feels it was the OW. My take on this, is if not this one, someone else. A lot of LBS in the early stages tend to think, 'If only they hadn't met OP' What I see now much later on, is that someone or something would have found these MCLers.
My xh's OW definitely wanted my life, hated me etc etc. But he is done with her, and STILL in MLC [took 6 years to finally end, and a gazillion break-ups] Even now I wouldn't put it past either of them to hook up again. Crazy seeks out crazy.
People say 5-7 years. I thin if it is a real MLC rather than a 'difficult transition' it takes all of that, and some of them are stuck forever.
But if you h is 'simply' having a hard transition from one part of his life to another, and depressed about it, he may well work through it much sooner. He is still in the same house and still speaks to you. Mine took off, and only contacted me sporadically to spew. I haven't seen him [apart from briefly in Court 15 months ago], for two years now.
There are degrees of MLC I believe, although they share many of the same characteristics in the earlier stages. The hard cases just cannot face their issues. The old ties and loves seem eventually to pull the less severe cases back to their loved ones. It is a good sign that your husband still loves his grandkids, some don't even care about them!!
I know I shouldn't put so much blame on OW. She is for sure in her own MLC and crazy to boot.
I really feel my H has been in MLC since first OW back in 2000. The one I only found out about 2 months ago. Although if I had found this site sooner I would have know there was an OW, because it seems men don't leave unless they have a woman to leave to.
So he might be stuck forever. I am still trying to DB, because otherwise I might get really nasty. I am sticking to the rules, but really am making my path to my own future. I see my H and it is like I'm talking to a stranger.
I'm no longer planning on eating with him. I have been cooking like I'm cooking for 6, making plenty of left-overs. I thought this would bother me more. But so far it hasn't.
Sitting with him, watching TV, eating together those things bother me. Heading out the door to do something else doesn't bother me. Makes me feel like my own person.
I'm glad my H still loves his grandkids. Of course they lived less than a mile away for the first 18 months, and in our house for the next 18 months. We have been pretty involved in their lives. Right now they are here several days a week, all day.
I am trying to keep loving my H. I am just trying to not let it kill me! He is still acting put out about the room switch. But I am standing my ground. He also was sort of worrying over not having any dogs to sleep with. I just ignored that comment.
I was passing by getting boxes and tape, because I am sorting out every closet and anything that hasn't been used in 2 years just goes into a get rid of it box. Shocking how much stuff can be hidden in closets! I'm going to need more boxes.
I'm going to take a big load to the Swap Meet. I was going to donate it, but would rather have cash!
I really appreciate the views of you all on this board. I am turning into quite a philosopher thru this experience. A good thing, I think!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
You are an inspiration, Wendy, with the way you have dealt with all this madness. I am sure you have your down days, but in general, you have kept upbeat, and positive.
Keep with your plans.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
This morning I was sitting at the kitchen table doing bills when H got up. I should have been hiding in my Woman Cave, but am following my instincts on this. If ever H talks about things it is first thing in the morning.
I was fully dressed, I have a full day today, my friend needs me to sit with her today, as her whole family has to go back to work or back to where they live on the mainland. Someone has to make sure she doesn't try to over do it, because she will!
Anyway, He said "Good Morning" when he emerged from his room. I replied with "Good Morning". He went out got his breakfast, complained that the glass he got out of the cupboard had mold in it. (I keep telling you all that living in the tropics isn't for sissies!) I said to sit it beside the sink and I would scrub it later.....
I asked him could he take care of our S22's insurance stuff today. He said yes, S22 is still sick, hopefully it takes effect right away. Then he askked was I getting any mmean texts or emails. I told him no.
He said that he is. He calls it her "Blowing UP His Phone". So OW is giving him spew like he has never seen. He is really hurt, by it. I just told him I was sorry she was being so mean. He went on to tell me all the stuff she is saying.
I was trying to stay out of it, but did have to tell him I don't think his next lover will be a man. I told him I was pretty sure he would move on to another woman. (Hardest part, was not laughing at how darn juvenile it all is.)
I was asked to apply for a job yesterday by my friend who is married to a 4 star. And she reminded me to watch for the invitation to their retirement ceremony this summer. So I brought this stuff up to my H, as everytime she and I make plans my H runs into her H within a few days.....
Anyway, my H said he couldn't go to the retirement ceremony because he is worthless, a coward, weak etc. (stuff OW said to him, I guess.) I sang a line out of Twisted Sister's classic "We're Not Gonna Take it!". The line:
No, We Ain't Gonna Take It you're All Worthless And Weak
He wasn't amused. I told him he needs to play some different songs in his truck and learn to laugh at this. He just grumbled and left for work.
I'm sorry, but it is pretty darn funny. He doesn't know how to deal with this level of crazy/mean. And everyone here has said to let him and his affair run its course. And the fact that he wants to talk to me about it upsets some people.
I have been his best friend since Jan 1979. That is a long time. He doesn't have friends. He only has me and then her. And she isn't me and will never be me. And I'm pretty sure he and I are done with our marriage.
And he needs to work this all out in his own head. But I also think that sometimes saying things out loud helps with the process of what is going through someones head. He said he will never find an other woman. (Love that Black and White thinking!) I laughed and said that I was sure he would.
He went to work, and I gave him a hug on his way out the door. That is one hurt confused man. Wonder how long 'til she decides she wants him back?
He hasn't said another word to me about me who is in what bedroom. I will continue to be gone at night, and if I get home when he is still up, I will repair to my Woman Cave and continue my sorting of crap!
Breaking News! OW sent me multiple texts with photos attached. Screen shots of maps. My old phone is so crappy I can't see what they are. But the one message I can read says "By the way, I don't want your spineless man, keep him, you deserve each other" (sic)
I'm guessing there will be more to follow....... I'm not responding to her texts!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Well, the plot thickens. Evidently my H did go see OW while he was in DC. The screen shots are of maps from some program called Latitudes where you share your location with your "Friends". Great blackmail tool.
So now I know where in Arkansas he was. And why after 7 years of him refusing to travel for work he has started up again. (For the extra money that I would not know about.) He has it sent to his new account he set up. So he can pay his new credit card.
So he has been spending money on OW. His extra travel money he gets is his "Budget". Because yes I called him. And I know we are done, but why does he keep lying when the truth would suit better.
It made no sense to me that he would go clear to DC and not get in a side trip to OW. Does he really think I'm that stupid? And he may not know this, but his extra travel money is still income.
And her breaking up with him because I took the master bedroom while he was off seeing her? Whatever. That will never be her bedroom. It is mine. I am who he bought this house for, I am the one who wakes up with a panoramic view of Kaneohe Bay every morning.
And when I wake up alone in my bed now days and look out at the beauty before me I drink it in and know that I am special enough to deserve it! And someday I might wake up with someone special enough to share the beauty of the day with, but for right now I am okay with being alone and being myself.
Okay off to take care of my friend!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
lol Wendy... I don't think the MLCer is capable of recognizing good natured sarcasm from the LBS... even less likely to get the message from it as they most likely just block it or see it as a form of attack...
