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#2238585 - 04/17/12 12:17 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11945
Quote:
Oddly, when we were leaving Tampa I had a huge yard sale and he went into my closet and brought out all my dresses and hung them on the sale rack. This was around the time he had decided to leave me the first time, them begged me to take him back.


Ahh, this sounds so familiar! My ex had issues with my figure even when I was a too-skinny 5'6" 125 lbs (with a killer figure, I might add).

Fortunately, even though I weigh quite a bit more now, I have found that men I have dated since my divorce LOVE my figure and find no fault with it!

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#2238615 - 04/17/12 01:39 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: kml]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
When it came to "Operation Room Switch" I did tell my H that he wouldn't recognise the place when he got home. That I was working on staging the house. How he choose to interpert that is his own problem. I think the 4 rooms I got staged look wonderful. And when I get a storage unit and haul the boxes I packed out the whole house will look great.

He is still a little grumpy about the room switch. I'm a little grumpy about him lies about where he was for 4 days. So it all works out. I still tell him when I will be gone and where I'm going. He gets very upset if he doesn't know exactly where I am.

But when he decides to go out he gets mad if I ask what movie he plans to see, or where he is eating. I actually realized it is me being controlling. He went to the movies the other night. I didn't ask him what he saw or where he ate. Because I really don't care. Funny how once you notice your behaviour, you can change it.

And the next time I plan to go out, I am going to start answering his questions the way he answers mine. He always says "That is my private business." So my whereabouts and activities need to be my private business.

Autonomy is what I need!

I also quit hugging H hello and goodbye. We are separated, he said so! So I am trying to be serarated. It hurts me to not have the hugs, but I need real hugs from someone who cares, not scraps thrown to me!

Standing on my own two feet, I will be the one wearing a dress!
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2238631 - 04/17/12 02:13 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11945
Quote:
And the next time I plan to go out, I am going to start answering his questions the way he answers mine. He always says "That is my private business." So my whereabouts and activities need to be my private business.


Bravo! Sauce for the gander, sauce for the goose!

Plus - should you be going out in a hot dress wearing new perfume and nice makeup - he can wonder about where you might be going and who you might be meeting. It is a good thing for them to think about whether you might interest another man - sometimes that's when their brains snap back into reality, so better for him to experience that NOW, than when you are long gone and into some other guy.

I'm not suggesting you lie - just give the APPEARANCE (later totally deniable) that you MIGHT be out there available to other men. And if a nice bouquet of flowers mysteriously appears in your living room - and if he asks about them, you say "Oh, they're from a "friend" and leave it at that - so much the better smile

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#2238899 - 04/18/12 01:48 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: kml]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
Operation Feral Cat is going on here, too. I keep doing the gone gray thing, but I also haven't slammed all the doors shut.

When I stepped through the door after yoga last night H said: "Good timing, I just started watching House." So I watch that show with him. I had been gone all day, I could have come home between my appointment and yoga, but choose to be away, went to the beach until it got too dark to look for shells!

This morning H did something he hasn't been doing. He came over and sat with me while he ate his breakfast. In the past few months he has developed this bad habit of eating his breakfast standing in the kitchen. And I found it hurtful. He also initiated a conversation. About a game on his phone, but anyway it was a conversation.

I'm not holding out a whole lot of hope for he and I. But sometimes I see old him lurking there. I will continue to keep my detachment and work my what is next for me plan. And I will keep putting the food bowl out for that cat!

On a happy, happy, joy, joy note: Yesterday I got a call from Pepsi Company. I entered a contest and won the regional grand prize. Which was a $600 gift card to Best Buy. It was the Mountain Dew Fuel the Frenzy Sweepstakes. Anyway, I will save the card for something special for myself.

Life is funny!

I'm off for another long thinking walk!
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2238950 - 04/18/12 05:24 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
job Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/00
Posts: 18790
Loc: Maryland
Congratulations on winning! Don't hold that gift card too long....some of the Best Buys are closing and I don't know if they are on your island. You might want to check that out!

Hang in there!

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#2238957 - 04/18/12 05:45 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: job]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11945
Nice! You could get a new laptop for that. Or a video camera. Or an iPhone. laugh

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#2239064 - 04/19/12 02:35 AM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
BeingMe Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/04
Posts: 4053
Loc: Canada
Congrats on the win, Wendy! Oh, I wish I had a proper beach to walk on and collect shells. Our beaches here are all pebbles. But, I am grateful that I'm by the ocean.

"Operation Feral Cat" is on the go here too. I am pleasant, but distant. I, too, am not sure about our staying together.

Life is VERY funny.
_________________________
Me:55 H:50 M:27 S:2 Been to the lawyer.
D32,S/D twins25,D20
EA4/04 End4/05?
Life is good! Living with gratitude.

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#2239230 - 04/19/12 01:45 PM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: BeingMe]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
I have had a deep love for the ocean and shell collecting since I was an 8 year old and my dad got stationed in Okinawa. It is my true grounding activity. Leaving Hawaii will be hardest because of the ocean.

And my favorite beach here is also where my son got married. I made him get married on the end of the beach where there is a circle of rocks, sort of a natural gathering area. My son later thanked me for being a brat about which spot they stood on the beach. It was funny, but heck I used to go to that beach 6 days a week. I only go once a month now, I realized it was an obsession!

My H continues to be pleasant to me. I'm not sure what to make of it. Just continuing the putting out the food bowls.

He enjoys a beer now and then. I noticed there was none left, so I stocked his beer fridge for him, bought his favorite ice cream and bananas, and put a candy bar on his nightstand. (Our granddaughters ate all his easter candy.... and I know he was looking forward to the Reeces bunnies!)

But I made sure I was out again last night. My friends had a BBQ on the beach.

I wanted to update you all on my friends recovery from her double masectomy. First nothing in the one lymph node they took.

Second, it looked pretty horrifying at first, but looks better every day. Right now it looks very good, mormal, perkier than before. And yes, as BFF my job was to stand beside her when she took the wrappings off and looked.

You all would have been very proud of me last week. I never cried in front of her, I have been upbeat and just givimg her lots of hugs and forehead kisses if she is laying down when I leave. The second day, the first time she had to look in the mirror I did cry the whole way home.

I can't wait for the tatttoo part. Bet I end up with a tattoo just to keep her company. I am not a big tattoo fan, and as an artist could never be happy with someone elses work on my body..... ;-)

Today after my yoga class I'm taking her bra shopping. And we plaqn a little time on the beach getting some sun. She can't go in the water yet, though.

Aloha,

Wendy
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2239424 - 04/20/12 03:41 AM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
Today was sort of a bittersweet day. About 9 years ago the diamond ring that my MIL gave me after I cared for her with her initial bout with cancer was stolen. Insurance only paid $1,000 because somehow when we moved and changed policies around the ring rider was dropped.

About 2 years ago I asked H could I replace the ring, same setting, only with a Moissanite stone. I ordered the seting and the stone. Spent $1,500. (The ring with real diamond would have been $6,000) then the jeweler said he couldn't set it, wrong size stone, blah, blah, blah) I studied a bit of that in college, and thought he was being silly.

And not long after that my happy marriage went on the rocks. I put away the setting and stone, not really worried about it. Recently my S22 got an aprenticeship with a jeweler. I sent in the setting and the stone and my suggestion as to how to make it work.

Today my son brought in the ring, very beautiful, set perfectly. My H had this huge smirk on his face. My son and I had already discussed this. I have lost so much weight that the ring is way too big. It fits perfectly on my middle finger, though. I said not to size it, I would wear it there.

I figured at this point, what is the sense of getting a ring made for my ring finger of my left hand? To me it would seem like persuing him. My son left the room, and I kept the ring on my middle finger. I am just happy to have back a reminder of my MIL.

Shortly after H said he was tired and went to his bedroom. He did look tired.

I would have liked it better if my son had not brought the ring in so dramatically. But he had just got off work, he was proud to show it off, and he had just got paid, and was excited about that. (They gave him cash, somehow that was more fun than a paycheck.)
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2239433 - 04/20/12 07:31 AM Re: Outside the Scope of This Report 4 [Re: WenikiTiki]
job Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/00
Posts: 18790
Loc: Maryland
Wendy,
I am so happy to see that the reminder of your MIL is right back were it should be...on your finger. I'm glad you waited to have it set because it sounds like this jeweler didn't have an issue w/doing it the way you had wanted it.

BTW, be sure to hug your son...he was very happy, excited and proud to do this for his mother.

I hope today is a good one for you!

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