2, how would you complete the sentence? W when you talk on the phone to OM in my presence I feel __angry and betrayed__if you continue to talk on the phone with OM in my presence, I will______________. I ask that you not do so it when I am around or in the presence of our children.
I don't think it will be necessary to state "if you don't do X I'm going to do Y." It would simply be a request and one that I believe she would comply with if put on the spot. And besides, I would be in no position to enforce this particular boundary.
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I've been feeling anger and resentment creeping into my thinking in recent days. It is becoming increasingly obvious that this sitch and everything associated with it is starting to take its toll on my emotional state of mind. My C and my DB coach have both commented that I have been placing all of my energy on trying to fix my R, protect the kids, care for my formerly ailing WAS and everything else that has been going on in my life for the past 7 months.
I guess it is time to place my focus elsewhere.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I've been feeling anger and resentment creeping into my thinking in recent days. It is becoming increasingly obvious that this sitch and everything associated with it is starting to take its toll on my emotional state of mind. My C and my DB coach have both commented that I have been placing all of my energy on trying to fix my R, protect the kids, care for my formerly ailing WAS and everything else that has been going on in my life for the past 7 months.
I guess it is time to place my focus elsewhere.
1. God (if you're so inclined)
2. Your kids
3. Yourself
4. Your other family (parents, siblings) and friends
I've been feeling anger and resentment creeping into my thinking in recent days. It is becoming increasingly obvious that this sitch and everything associated with it is starting to take its toll on my emotional state of mind. My C and my DB coach have both commented that I have been placing all of my energy on trying to fix my R, protect the kids, care for my formerly ailing WAS and everything else that has been going on in my life for the past 7 months.
I guess it is time to place my focus elsewhere.
1. God (if you're so inclined)
2. Your kids
3. Yourself
4. Your other family (parents, siblings) and friends
You won't go wrong with that.
Starsky
Good point Starsky. And now that you mention it, the Pastor in my church has been talking for the past 2 weeks about the Hebrew word "chazown" which is defined as a dream, revelation or vision. The focus has been on "vision" and he explains that where there is no vision or purpose, the people perish.
This is where I feel I am at right now. I have to get my vision and purpose buttoned down or it may be the death of me.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2, how would you complete the sentence? W when you talk on the phone to OM in my presence I feel __angry and betrayed__if you continue to talk on the phone with OM in my presence, I will______________. I ask that you not do so it when I am around or in the presence of our children.
I don't think it will be necessary to state "if you don't do X I'm going to do Y." It would simply be a request and one that I believe she would comply with if put on the spot. And besides, I would be in no position to enforce this particular boundary.
That was my thought, too.
Quote:
It would simply be a request and one that I believe she would comply with if put on the spot.
Are you going to put her on the spot?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Went to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few items and noticed my W's C/T in line at the check out counter. A flood of anxiety washed over me and I found myself keeping busy unloading my cart and trying to avoid eye contact.
Why?
I still feel the sting of the ambush I experienced back in late October/Early November when W asked me to join her with her C, ostensibly to discuss our M but in reality it was to demonstrate for her C that she had the courage to tell me she was DONE! Any respect that I had for the C was completely lost that day.
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LaBug - No, I don't think I will put her on the spot unless and until it happens again. Then I will say something. No sense in shaking the hornets nest until it is necessary.
I've read some of the How to Improve Your Marriage but did not finish the book. I'll take a look at it again and also check out the web site.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I think I would of felt the same way 2. (Seeing the C/T)
Just these past few days I've been thinking about when I run into mutual friends of w and I. What do they think of me? Has my w told them something untrue about me? etc..
When I notice these thoughts I pull myself back because:
1- I'm not letting anyone define me but myself. I know my own truth! 2- I have no control over what she tells people or what people think.
Its something I've worked very hard on over the past year as I used to be much more worried about what people thought of me.
But I still have anxiety from time to time when I run into some situations similar to what you described.
Yea I struggled with that as well. Some mutual friends I just cut the cord. Some I wanted to keep intouch with so I made the effort. If they were her friends from before I just let them go. But when I see them. I say hi. Then I talk about my GAL and ask about theirs. I ended up moving 1200 miles so.... its not so much an issue now.... Just being honest.....
P.S. 2thepoint. Its not a hornets nest.... Your boundary..... Gotta stop thinking that way and train your brain to let go of the fear.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I totally understand how you feel. There are some auxillerary people that I hate so much more then my H just because they have supported him. I have much more forgiveness and understanding for my H who I believe is sick rather than "respectable" people who should know better.
I know that we shoudnt have these harsh feelings for anyone and that they are more of a reflection of the things we need to work on within ourselves but boy do they p!ssed me off.
Regarding your earlier post. It is critical that you take better care of yourself. You can find mediatations and yoga videos for free on youtube, its a nice way to start the day. Set a goal for yourself. Get out there and workout more. Make it you obsession. Take your mind off of her and solving this crisis as much as you can. (I know I know, its impossible... just keep doing your best)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Just being honest.....