Antlers - thanks for checking in. I'm doing ok, all things considered. I'm always getting god advice and support from the members, you included!
KD - I hear what you are saying. I'm just growing weary. Wish moving out of limbo meant moving towards a R but I know that that has to come in its own time.
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Went with W to see her Cardiologist the other day, (first real checkup since her release from the hospital). They had completed an echocardiogram and some blood work last week so we were getting updates on the results.
The Dr. said her heart EF is at 45% (normal is between 55% - 70 something) it had been in the low 20's at one point when she was in the hospital. He said she is progressing very nicely and that the leaking heart valve seems to have healed itself. He has taken her off the portable defib device and has encouraged her to exercise in order to continue to strengthen her heart. He upped her meds as well in order to facilitate the healing.
I asked the Dr. about her ability to handle stress (you know EA/A while married, possible D ) he said that she should be fine baring any unexpected bad news, like a death in the family, car accident, stuff like that.
All in all, she is doing very well and it would appear she is completely out of the woods after nearly succumbing to heart failure just 2 months ago.
After the Dr. appointment, we went to lunch and chatted about things for an hour or so. Nothing heavy, just stuff I'm up to. She offered advice/perspective on some things. She seemed interested.
Oddly, she copied me on an email to her family updating them on her Dr. visit and her improving condition. She did not mention that I took her to the Dr appointment or that I was even there.
I'll be making an appointment to speak with a lawyer within the next week. I'm not filing, just gathering information. If I'm going to do something to move me out of limbo, I need to be prepared for the worst...
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I'll be making an appointment to speak with a lawyer within the next week. I'm not filing, just gathering information. If I'm going to do something to move me out of limbo, I need to be preparedfor the worst...
That makes 3 of us and a boatload of others I'm sure.
Glad she seemed interested at your lunch talk 2 and her including you on the email is another positive imo.
I have been putting off making an appt w/ a lawyer to get some info but it is time for me to do that as well. Don't think I'm necessarily scared of the D because I feel its pretty likely but I know its going to be a hassle and $$$ is also tight.
- W picked up S10 from school, didn't tell me so I wasted a trip to school only to find out he wasn't there.
- At house late this afternoon to pick up S13 for his soccer practice. W keeps herself sequestered to the bedroom most of the day, every day. I over hear her on a call with OM (what else is new) and she apparently has been researching new apartments for OM in the city where he lives. She spends more time solving his problems than focusing on our family. So incredibly annoying!
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Been wondering about the concept I've seen bandied about here regarding the notion that mothers are attracted to their husbands who demonstrate a real connection to the children. I think this is true when the children are very small (under 10 years). But I think this diminishes considerably as the kids get older and become more independent.
I'm also curious about older children and custody arrangements. You hear all the time about the battles between waring spouses who are divorcing and using children and leverage. Seems to me that that is less likely the older the children are.
Any thoughts on this?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Its hard for me to believe a decent man would leave his family as mine did, but I dont know how a woman could leave the father of her children unless he was abusive. I know several D woman from work, one in particular who should be President of WAS club and I dont get, I cant imagine why they would choose to raise their children without an intact family. To me it is anti-mother.
My h could be very aggrevating at times but I was incredibly moved by his closest to our D especially our D3. I dont think turned on is the right word but very physically connected.
I definitely see myself trying to use my Ds to bring my H home even though I know its wrong. I cant for the life of me understand why a WAS wouldnt come home from their children.
The only explaination for your W behavior is that she has lost her mind.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Hey 2'. Very irrItating when the WAS does shoe respect by communicatung about kid coordination. Had my own experience with that but wil post on my own thread.
No idea if age of the kids makes a difference or not. I know for my W, I would guess she will always stay connected to them. She is a very engaged mom but I often get the sense that she has a need for them in a dependent sort of way. It probably depends on the person and how far gone they are in their own little world. RickDB could probably speak to this from his sitch.
How incredibly irritating to have to hear your W talking with OM.
How are your boys doing these days?
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
The boys seem fine. I'm concerned that they are oblivious to our sitch. Maybe that is selfish thinking on my part because I sometimes feel like if they were acting out some, my W might be compelled to get her act together.
On the other hand, if they are oblivious, perhaps that is a good thing as it demonstrates that we are doing a good job keeping our emotions in check and shielding them from what might otherwise be a traumatic time in their lives.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2TP- I can hear your frustrations coming across the screen, so sorry. Did she give any explanation why she communicate that she was picking up s10 from school? Wasn't this an arrangement that y'all have had in place for a while now, wonder what caused her to change it?
I'm sure your boys sense something is off in their world, kids are a lot more perceptive than we realize. But I think ot's wonderful that you've managed to keep things on an even keel enough for them that they *arent* acting out at shook or home, that's a testament to your daddy skills! Rickb's youngest is almost the same age as your oldest- and he's very much aware of the sitch in his home... Maybe pick Rick's brain about ways to approach it with your kids (of you feel the need to do so one day.)
Hearing her on the phone with OM must just make your blood boil!! Perhaps you should do an underwater appearance in her doorway next time she's on the phone, just to throw her off a little!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
W keeps herself sequestered to the bedroom most of the day, every day. I over hear her on a call with OM (what else is new) and she apparently has been researching new apartments for OM in the city where he lives. She spends more time solving his problems than focusing on our family. So incredibly annoying!
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Unacceptable. This is simple (not easy, but simple) boundary enforcement. The FIRST TIME my wife tried that crap, I simply said "I certainly hope that's not your boyfriend that you're talking to in our marital home; that would be INCREDIBLY disrespectful." And then I stood there, staring at her, and she ended the call.
She never called him again from inside our home that I know of. She'd even pace outside in the yard, IN THE RAIN sometimes, yakking on her cellphone, but she wouldn't do it in the house, as two of my boundaries were "no phone calls to/from OM in our home," and "no texting OM in front of the kids."
Someone once said that "we teach people how to treat us." I think that's about right.
) he said that she should be fine baring any unexpected bad news, like a death in the family, car accident, stuff like that. 