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#2239760 - 04/22/12 02:29 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10919
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: par4me
Dispite all the bad things that I have said, and they are true, she was my best friend, lover and the person that I told my deepest thoughts to. I have lots of friends but no one that I am really close to. I gave that all to her because that is what I thought a spouse was for.

But it's NOT the purpose of a spouse. No ONE person can meet all of our needs. That is what other family and friends are for. You can't ignore other friends b/c you date her and you need to cultivate those other relationships as much as you can.

Part of that is b/c you don't want to be so dependent on her...so get those other relationships back on track...nurture them so you are stronger and happier.


I dangled the marriage thing over her head. She wanted to get married badly and begged me all the time. Security she said. I didn't want to if she was not going to work and not quit the pills. She wasn't going to.


So you used marriage as a leverage tool to manipulate her with? Are you in counselling yourself or not?


And I am convienced that she does not plan to do either one of those ever. So that is why I must leave, heal, detach and otherwise get over this relationship. Can't be thinking about it 10 hours a day. It is hard to GAL when it is on your mind and you are constantly fighting with your thoughts to push them out.


there are no easy answers except for you to detach and get healthy.

She is your addiction, period.

you know it. There is no denying it.

If you ever want to reclaim your life, now is the time.

If not now, when?
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2239764 - 04/22/12 02:58 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: 25yearsmlc]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I don't think that I was manipulating her. I just wanted her to change and was not going to marry her until she did. Which at the time I thought she might.I can't afford counseling right now. I am sure that I need it.

Yeah, I am addicted to having her around. I enjoy doing other things not with her when she is home. Don't take that wrong I did things with her also. I'll get over it, it is just a long road and she seems to have found a short cut that takes all the memories of me away. I think that she love me. Maybe she was just using me. I felt that way sometimes.

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#2239765 - 04/22/12 03:08 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I remember when we met, she was so nice, and seemed so loyal. She treated me like a God. I am imagining this action she is doing for the new guy. He will find out later on. No one can live with her life the way it is right now. Maybe she will change for him.

How the heck can her opinion of me change in a day? "I want to get married, can't you remember our vacation we just took,we are suppose to grow old together, having sex" this is things she said two days before she met someone new. She told me she he respects her and she is going to marry him.

How the heck can he respect her if she is already screwing him? I think that I am more jealous that someone else is taking something I thought of as mine than I am missing her. That is a sad statement I know.

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#2239768 - 04/22/12 03:21 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
And I can't block her from facebook. She already blocked me. I blocked her BF so she can't look at my stuff. This is just sickening and so junior high. I looked at her dad's stuff to see if she changed her name or something and noticed he befriended new man so I guess she thinks this is serious. I know that was dumb.

People outside of the situation would look at this and say forget her and why is this bothering you. I don't know.

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#2239771 - 04/22/12 03:45 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Maybe I need some pills to numb me also.

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#2239776 - 04/22/12 03:56 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Going to church tomorrow with my Son-20. He is not from this relationship and really thinks Wendy is an idiot and a user. That is really a 180 for me. We am going to start going. Oh, my son lives with me and works for me. He moved in around Christmas, doesn't want to live here if Wendy comes back.

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#2239777 - 04/22/12 04:02 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
Truegritter Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 2687
par

Sorry you are here and going through this pain.

You are co-dependent.

Believe me I know I am a recovering one.

Look it up and also detachment. Google it.

Get yourself to an ALANON meeting if need be.This is for people who have addicts in their life. Your W is addicted to pain killers.

She will not be, EVER someone you can hope to have a meaningful relationship with UNTIL she gets help.

You must overcome the denial of this fact.

And take care of yourself. This is very important for you and for her.

I know you want to save her but the only way is to become strong yourself.


really it is.

Are you up for this? Why?
_________________________
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am

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#2239781 - 04/22/12 04:12 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: Truegritter]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I know what co-dependent is and yes, I am. She is not someone that can have R right now. She will not get help. I think she will OD again and die first. I guess this is lucky that I don't have to be the one to find her.

Last time we broke up-I got really sick, I mean sucicidal, lost about 25lbs and just could not take it. I am 99% better than that right now and forcing myself to eat and sometimes I am even hungry. I lift weights everyday. I am so scared that I am going to spiral down to that again.

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#2239782 - 04/22/12 04:21 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10919
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: par4me
I know what co-dependent is and yes, I am. She is not someone that can have R right now. She will not get help. I think she will OD again and die first. I guess this is lucky that I don't have to be the one to find her.

Last time we broke up-I got really sick, I mean sucicidal, lost about 25lbs and just could not take it. I am 99% better than that right now and forcing myself to eat and sometimes I am even hungry. I lift weights everyday. I am so scared that I am going to spiral down to that again.


You have a son!?? Be a father and stop thinking that b/c a user is in your life and she might hurt you again

that you will spiral again. You can control YOU and you have to. You're his father.

What are you teaching him about healthy relationships with women? You want her to make recovery a priority or to make YOU a priority but you have not made HIm a priority...

What would you TELL HIM if he were dating an addict who used him and cheated on him everytime he wouldn't get her a fix?

If you were in his shoes and he were in yours, what would you say to him?

Now Tell yourself that.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#2239783 - 04/22/12 04:24 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: 25yearsmlc]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10919
Loc: west coast
what are YOU doing to help prevent a future spiraling?

Let's assume she's not coming back soon. So, what tools are you going to get and where?

TrueGritter has made some suggestions to you so I hope you'll take them and see someone soon.

Like asap. You need help Par4, and you have a son looking at you as you "model" for him what a man does when he's hurt by a toxic r.

Show him a man of strength and honor who picks himself up, dusts himself off and like any golfer with a problem swing, you get the help you need to perform at your best.

You ask the experts...you get the help you need. You become your best self/

You become a man only a fool would leave.

So someday when you meet a healthy woman, she can love you fully and

she can be loved back.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
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