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#2244316 - 05/10/12 06:34 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: AprilT]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
Par, are you familiar with ninelives from this board?

If not, his W had an OM and it got really ugly at the very end. She bounced back and forth to some degree, her OM was abusing her, eventually the OM ended up in jail, ninelives' W ended up back at home... and then she committed suicide...

She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

I am worried for you par, because your sitch sounds eerily familiar to 9's.

His thread begins here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...575#Post1967575

It is all very long and you can skip to the later threads to get an idea of what hell he went through (as did his W and his kids).

Please understand this, no matter what the deal is with your W... or the OP... please take care of yourself and please, please, please understand that there is nothing that you can do...

If she comes to you, be there for her... but at this time and for a long while yet, please do not engage her in any way that would be anything other than a friend helping a friend who is going through some really difficult time...

You want to put yourself in a position where you are at best a safe house and person to go to...

Tank is another example of a highly volatile sitch if you care to look up that one...

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#2244320 - 05/10/12 06:44 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Excellent. I am reading it now. I am having a really hard time taking care of myself. I blame me. I take this as a blow to my self esteem. I told my doc that I thought that I was a sucicide risk but I wasnt going into a cell. I know that she is evil and yet I think about it all the time. I can't seem to motivate myself to take care of me or love me anymore.

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#2244324 - 05/10/12 06:51 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
oh geeze sorry, she was diagnosed with bipolar not borderline...

And good yes, read through the sitchs and tank's sitch was his W took in with an OM and (I don't know if she already was) started in on highly addictive behaviours including drugs and probably alcohol... she'd keep coming back to tank when she needed something... money... a place to stay... whatever... poor guy and he was dealing with raising the kids while going through chemo...

Start with taking really, really good care of yourself first... you can't be "there" for anyone in an effective way, until you have saved yourself...

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#2244326 - 05/10/12 06:53 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I told her last week that I felt like I was codependent and she started saying she was too and that was ok if we loved each other and junk like that. I feel awful without her and awful with her now. Seems like no happiness in sight. Everyone else here wants their M back. I can't ever be happy if I got my back. I can't forgive or trust her again. She will never stop the pills.

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#2244329 - 05/10/12 06:58 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
Well, what ever your thoughts regarding the M and your W, just understand they are OK at this time and they may change in the future... but for right now... accept what ever thoughts you have on that and work through them...

And no, a co-D M or R is not something that is necessarily "OK". It certainly serves those involved WHILE it serves them... when it stops serving them, they lash out and move on... often only to rebound right back again... kinda like if a M could be bipolar, if you will...

Get yourself the phone number for your local "life line" if you have one... also, maybe check into attending an alanon or a CODA meeting... You will find real world support and resources in those groups...

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#2244339 - 05/10/12 07:35 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I am not sure if I should have read 9's posts-it is the first time that I have cried tears in years. I am not going to say what I am thinking about him and her. You people would really think that I was crazy.

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#2244347 - 05/10/12 08:18 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Thanks for the thoughts today. I think that she is ill, maybe not. She is an addict and she doesnt love me. I don't understand how she or why she became so sexual with om? It really doesnt matter. He does give her pills and takes them himself. It makes me jealous that she is getting used. She has nothing, no cell phone, no car, no job and I guess sex is all she has to offer someone. She certainly wanted to do it with me alot last week, gave me a bath, it is just crazy that she strung me along for so long. She told her friend that she didn't think she loved me anymore. Told me that she loved om. That is a sign that she doesnt want me around. It just sickens me. Maybe she came down to see and didn't feel anything. I dont know and i am sick of trying to figure it out.

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#2244409 - 05/11/12 01:39 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I looked for Tank in the search. Is that the full name?

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#2244412 - 05/11/12 01:46 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Oh, she defintely does not think of me as the safe house. She thinks that I am saying bad things about her. Thought I was ganging up on her with her friend when I questioned her about somethings she supposedly did. Of course she called them "lies, lies and more lies." I don't talk about her except on this board other than to say we are not together anymore. Her om told me how they were sleeping together and that she is a nympho, many of her friends have left her because of her actions with him (he was dating one of them first). She can't tell me all this stuff is lies.

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#2244445 - 05/11/12 04:11 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
well, there is a word that some people use for people who don't have money yet still get their fix from a... "friend"... I'm sorry if that sounds harsh and I do not know your W so I really don't have friends... the unfortunate truth is addicts are so desperate, they are likely to provide pretty much anything...

Yes, tank is his full name... I think... I'll look for them.

Yes, 9's experience is a harsh lesson. From what I understand, his W is the only known suicide from this board. I truly hope is the last...

If you really don't think that your W feels you are "safe", then she is probably looking for something. I'm sure you know that. Keep any valuables tucked away if she visits.

Are you no contact with her, otherwise?

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