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#2238500 - 04/17/12 07:24 AM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: hrm134]
job Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/00
Posts: 18790
Loc: Maryland
hrm,
He's still in crazy town and will be there for a while. Apparently he wanted to charge the tires and then would expect you to pay the bill. The amount of cash that you gave him made him feel guilty for taking it out of the account. For some, if it's charged, then it doesn't take away from the bank account, I know, that sounds crazy, but that's the way they think.

Your h wanted you to jump up and down about his repairing of the toilet. He wanted you to "gush" about it and when you didn't, he got upset. He's looking for validation and recogition from you.

Continue as you have been and just remember, he's operating on pure emotions these days and he will be all over the place. Keep your expectations at zero and don't be surprised by anything he does.

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#2238537 - 04/17/12 10:22 AM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: job]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
lol, hrm... no, I am sure in the moment it wasn't funny... and it's not really funny.... but really... crazy

My W's the same way... a little different, mind you... anything can't be about her...

So for example, it's OK for me to pay towards kids extra curricular... or it's OK for me to buy the kids some spring clothes... but if I bought food and put it in the fridge, that would be wrong...

It doesn't matter where the money comes from or where it goes... in my case... I could pay towards upgrades to the house so that she could pay the full amount for the extra curricular...

No, they can't deal with it being something that we give of the LBS that is specifically for the MLCer... even though we know its from the same pot to the same pool... It's just weird... I know my W will accept gifts from others... from friends... directly and indirectly... but no way, jose... not from me... smile

I'd never be allowed to buy solar lights for the backyard of the house... unless I gave the lights to the kids as a gift and they decided to put them in the back yard... then THAT would be ok... lol

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#2238655 - 04/17/12 03:27 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: ~ kd ~]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
just thought of this and maybe it will help understand the process, hrm...

it is not that they can not accept from us... what it is (and you can read more about this speculation in other threads in this forum) is because they can not deal with... really can't process it I think so ultimately deny it in any and every way... that there can be any emotional context between the MLCer and the LBS...

It truly messes them up and fries the wires in their brains...

So best you can do is put it in a humours context for yourself... otherwise, it will make you crazy, too...

I don't remember... are the two of you still living together?

Have some fun with it... put little hearts on all the apples in the fridge with your name and H's name on them... watch him start eating bananas... lol...

Want him to eat healthy? Do the same on all the junk food in the house... grin

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#2238666 - 04/17/12 04:00 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: ~ kd ~]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
This thread really made me giggle....
I really believe the Ml'er wants you to be as miserable as them. They "feel" the misery once projected on to you. It really is such a pathetic way to live. You are handling your situation wonderfully... hats off to you.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#2239531 - 04/20/12 04:32 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: ~ kd ~]
hrm134 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/07/12
Posts: 254
Thank you all for your thoughts. I like hearing what others have to say about situations. smile

Kaffe Diem~I'm still laughing about giving kids lights so you can put them in the backyard! Funny mental picture, thank you for that!!

So today I was going to mow the grass when I got home, well, that didn't really work out too well. I filled the mower with gas, mowed for about 5-10 minutes and the mower shut off.... strange.... so I check the gas.... well look at that, it is all gone.... yep.... of course it is, why wouldn't it be, I mean really? So I have no idea where it is leaking and assume there is probably nothing I can do about it, looked everywhere, turned it on it's side, and didn't see anything wet, but I don't know anything about lawn mowers..... but I am not looking forward to my conversation with dear one. Part of me just wants to run out and buy a cheap one now, but if I do that he will say why didn't you talk to me first and I would be tempted to say because apparently talking to me is a fate worse than death in your crazy little head!!!! ( I WOULDN'T actually say that though). And who knows what time he will get home tonight, so I'm just letting the darn thing sit out, no sense putting it back in the garage when it doesn't work.

Anyway, I am trying to stay in my happy place. Things could be worse.... perhaps me going to the Educating Homeless Children Conference these past 2 days did a good job of putting things in perspective.... they had some great guest speakers who have been homeless. So a mower that isn't working isn't that big of deal. grin

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#2239561 - 04/20/12 06:22 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: hrm134]
job Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/00
Posts: 18790
Loc: Maryland
hrm,
I had that happen and I had not tightened up the gas cap. Also, your gas tank may have a small leak, but I would put more in it and put a piece of cardboard under it and run it in one spot to see if you can trace the leak. It might be something very simple.

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#2239623 - 04/21/12 07:20 AM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: job]
hrm134 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/07/12
Posts: 254
snodderly~ Thanks for the tips! I had already told H about it. Strange thing is he put more gas in it and it worked. He asked me if I was sure I had put gas in it. lol Of course I did! So as I am mowing the rest of the lawn (cause apparently he won't do that anymore either, but that's ok, good workout for me), the mower sounds terrible, but doesn't stop running like it did for me after I had filled it up. I was stunned, I really have no idea where the gas I KNOW I put in it got to...... but somehow when he refilled it it kept running! LOL The only thing to do is to laugh about it, it's just too strange! When I came back inside he said, " I apologize, clearly something is wrong with it." I just kinda looked at him and then said, "are you being sarcastic?" He said "no, it sounds terrible." And he will look at it sometime this weekend if he gets a chance. I said ok, it's just nice to know I'm not losing my mind, cause I know I put gas in there! Then I laughed and walked away. So hopefully, if he does decide to look at it he can figure out what is wrong. smile

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#2239624 - 04/21/12 07:23 AM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: job]
Kimmerz Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 834
Loc: West Coast
You know that is weird. Something similar happened to me a few months ago. The girls had commented that there is no fruit or Ramen Noodles at their father's house. So I sent them with a bag of Ramen Noodles and some fruit. D9 brings it back saying XH told her to bring it back home!

Now see it's no different than what I've done in doing day care or simply just trading kids back and forth with friends or family. In order to help out we just send the kids favorite foods to eat at their house.
_________________________
M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.

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#2241033 - 04/26/12 05:43 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: Kimmerz]
hrm134 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/07/12
Posts: 254
Hey all, I would like everyone's thoughts on a situation I find myself in. I have been talking to my father in law, my H hasn't talked to him in years, and I'm not really sure why. His parents divorced after he and I got married. My mother in law was cheating with a married man (whose wife was dying of cancer!), looking back she was probably having a midlife crisis,but anyway. My father law has not been in good health for a few years, had a brain tumor, recently a stroke, and has been battling depression. Well I am planing on meeting him and having dinner next Saturday evening and he texted me today and told me to tell his SOB son to call him he is running out of time. So I texted him back and asked him what he meant, and I tried to call him, but he didn't answer, so I left a message saying he scared me and asked what is going on. Well he just texted me back and said he would call me soon but his health is going down hill FAST. So after I talk to him and get the low down I don't know what to do.... do I talk to my H about it, or just give his dad his phone number and hope H answers, or at the very least listens to the message? I'm at a loss, I mean, H already views me as the enemy, so I don't know what to do or say. Also about a week before bomb drop he made a comment that he knew he needed to contact his father...... I think it will be a big mistake and push him further into crazytown if he doesn't reconcile with his father and work out whatever issues he has with him, cause clearly there are plenty..... so what does everyone think? Do I talk to him about it or just give his dad his number and let it up to them??

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#2241036 - 04/26/12 06:02 PM Re: Crazytown population me..... [Re: hrm134]
TSquared2 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 2237
Loc: Rocky Mountains
FWIW, I would give FIL the phone number, and also txt H to call his dad and why, then leave it up to them...you would be covered for yourself.

T^2
_________________________
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm


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