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The work you are doing on yourself will bring you many gifts in the years to come. As you can already see improvement in your relationship with your sons. I love reading your posts. They are very honest and they are working towards solutions. Dealing with anger and not stuffing it are blessing and just acknowledging that you are doing it, it huge.

You are a big source of strength and wisdom and love for me. Keep you head up you are doing great:)


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M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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where in canada does he want to go?

and yes.. you are right. anger can come out in many different ways. i catch myself sometimes too. getting upset.. feeling resentful.. and then have to question myself why. constant work in progress.


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
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La thanks for putting those feelings and thoughts out there. It helps me define how I feel and think also. You know I need translation some times. Tell S22 to take devil dogs and ocean water for you know who^^^^^^.Lol


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Hey Bug, awareness is just an amazing tool. I heard somewhere that pain is like the body's warning system. When we feel it, it helps us recognize something is wrong and we need to do something to correct it.

IMO, emotional pain is the same way but it's far more difficult to recognize the source of the pain and what is needed to correct it.

You know I am struggling with the same stuff. An image came to me last night of how when my emotional pain comes, my judgement is clouded by resentment. Instead of being able to see the pain in me to deal with, it lures me to look outside myself to others as the fault or reason. So combine that with my human need to protect myself and it's a bad combo. In a way the image reminds me of the serpent in the garden. He mixed his words into the desires of people, misdirecting the feelings within to a false issue outside of ourselves claiming someone else was the reason for our discontent.

Your awareness is a beautiful thing and even more beautiful are your actions to do something better than the past. Hope you have a great day!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
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Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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thanks for writing about this - the same stuff is coming up for me - hence the struggle.

the conflict between all the anger because of the sitch and then trying to forgive detach and let go - is a really challenging task, that we are all faced with

i'm finding more and more stuff about the little ways i just jump into specific reactions in situations - it's like we are hard-wired to react in the most subtle ways, and this is all about undoing all that wiring and rewiring it again.

the frustrating thing right now, is that i'm recognizing it and telling myself NOT to do it in that way, but when the situation arises, wow - my brain is already there before i even recognize consciously that that's the situation i have to watch my reaction in.


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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Zig after consistent practice the behavior will be on auto pilot. Keep at it


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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BK- Thank you. You inspire me by your growth and change. Let's keep each other on track.

bf-BC. He's always wanted to visit the Royal Terrell Museum, and that was the first answer. After my skeptical mom face he said, "oh yeah, and I'm going to meet (young woman from the internets)"

Rick-We'll start stocking up on the American junk food.

ces- Instead of being able to see the pain in me to deal with, it lures me to look outside myself to others as the fault or reason. So combine that with my human need to protect myself and it's a bad combo. That's it right there. We can't sit with our own pain. Getting angry at another person allows us to ignore ourselves, what we're really feeling, to try and feel better. Only nothing changes, more resentment builds and the cycle repeats itself with the next perceived hurt. This is a recipe for disaster.

zig- my brain is already there before i even recognize consciously that that's the situation i have to watch my reaction in. Me, too! Hours later the realization hits and I have one of those "o, shite!" moments. Google Stosny HEALS, you might find it useful.

Let's have a good week everyone!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Labug, in the short time I've "known" you, you've taught me that's it's okay to feel a certain way...just know why you're feeling that way, and then move on.

I have also been feeling like I'll never be detached enough. I'm so proud of all of the "looking inward" that you've done, and can only hope to be close to that one day.


Me:37
H:GONE

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An image came to me last night of how when my emotional pain comes, my judgement is clouded by resentment. Instead of being able to see the pain in me to deal with, it lures me to look outside myself to others as the fault or reason. So combine that with my human need to protect myself and it's a bad combo.

ces - i came in to say hi to labug and read this from you.

for a while now i have been sensing that a lot of the issues the WAS is dealing with and going through are not that dissimilar to what the LBS's are going through.

i wonder if you realize that what you wrote (which is what i am struggling with enormously, as you all know, the resentment) is EXACTLY what the WAS is going through also?

it's kind of freaking me , how much it also describes the WAS

now what does that say about the entire sitch - sheesh!!

labug - hope you're doing well
and you too ces

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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labug Offline OP
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Yes, zig, you're right.^^^

I'm fine, taking a bit of a break from the boards.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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