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Ok, today is a sad day. Some days I feel strong, then days like today hit. My S4's teacher approached me after school to find out what is going on because he is acting out so much. I didn't know what to say, my husband still doesn't want anyone to know until he actually moves. I tried to take my son on a date but he acted out the whole time we were at the restaurant.

I try to do my 180"s and act "as if" with my H around but I am so sad about what my kids are going through that I started crying in front of him tonight. I said that I feel so sad and divorce is against my morals. He didn't really respond to me at all, just went in the other room to start talking to S4. Now I feel like a fool who has the DB info but I can't seem to get it together and use it.


M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets
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it takes a lot of practice.

The one good thing with him gone is that you will find it easier to detach so that you CAN really wrap your head around this approach

without all the tension and emotion of him being in your face and yet leaving...

you can focus on you.

AT this point your m is like a plane that is having trouble flying

so make sure you are putting the Oxygen mask on YOUR face first so that THEN you can be there for your kids and others who may need help (like h)

You get that?

Take care of you now. Simple stuff gets forgotten, like eating right, sleeping enough, the healing power of hot water (a bath!) and actually having an adult conversation NOT about h, and NOT WITH H...

and not obsessing non-stop about the situation

or taking the temperature of the R all the time.

He needs a lot of space. Frankly so do you.

You want it to hit him that HE is the one who will miss the most and lose the most,

when it's all said and done.
..and he can't realize that if you keep pleading b/c that makes him more uncomfortable and wanting to flee...

and makes YOU clingy and needy which is Not attractive. Stop the pursuit.

& hang in there! IT does get better.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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I agree with 25yrs- I have made so much progress with myself and my beliefs of this situation and my part in it without my husband living here. He had me believing his thoughts/ memories on our marriage. Then I woke up and was feeling brainwashed. Regardless of what happens, I enjoyed the last 7 years of my life with him and will not let him take that and those memories away from me. My counselor explained it well- she said in his instability he is like a top spinning and I was watching and getting dizzy. Now he is gone and I cannot watch and am no longer dizzy. I think/ hope once he moves out you can focus on you and really be able to DB. I'm lonely at night without him here (no kids)- but I'd way rather be lonely and read or watch tv or talk on the phone then spend my nights engulfed in tension and walking on eggshells. I hope you find the same.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
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Posts: 96
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Thanks 25 and Maggie. I appreciate the support. Maggie I was just reading your thread and it sounds similar, my husband's fog started with the terminal diagnosis his father got last November. They are very close. I get the same reaction from my friends and family, even his friends and family. By the way- Boston- you go girl!


M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 157
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 157
Thanks- makes me know I can handle anything he throws my way:)
Are friends aware of your situation? My friends have been a life saver! I had a work friend over tonight who had gone through something horrible with her husband last year ( they have 2 young kids). She told no one. Not family, not friends. I think now only a few of us know (me only bc I told her my story). I can't imagine how she went it alone. I hope you are not either.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 96
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 96
I am lucky that way too, I have amazing friends. Some live out of town and have been flying in on alternate weekends to keep me company. I feel so lucky to have them all. I had a friend over for dinner tonight and we had a lot of laughs (while the kids ran around the backyard). Just join a women's only triathlon truing group, starts next Sunday. Good luck and I will be checking on your progress!


M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
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Have you checked out the website/book "No more mr. Nice Guy"

Also look into Laura Munsons book "This isnt the season you think it is"


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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Hi Bklyn Mom,
I saw you suggest that book to someone else and I devoured it in 2 days, thanks for the tip. I will check out no more mr nice guy right now! Thanks!


M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 157
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 157
I just started reading it too! Struggling to get into it but I'll stick with it.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 96
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OP Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 96

Today was hard. I was at work, and I missed a call from my S4's pre-school. They called my H instead and he went to pick him up because he had thrown up at school. They said he didn't have a temp but said he felt sick. My H said that after he picked him up he was asking how long he had felt sick and my S4 said I am not sick I am sad.

We haven't had the talk with them about my H moving yet, so my H says "I am sure he just feels your negative energy". I can't believe this is the same man I have been married to for 10 years. Have I had blinders on this whole time?

I am so sad for my kids, they deserve better than this.


M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets
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