Sad those are all nice 180's and I have been doing those 180's myself for over 1 1/2 years and she even said I see all the stuff you're doing and its to late. So I conquered those 180's that you mentioned. I had struggled there big time. My current 180's are anxiety, trust, snooping, listening etc...
KD I don't get you sorry. But to answer your question about telling me to get a mediator I would say the same thing I tell my W. That is not the path I would like to take for our family. If that is the path my W wants to take then I have no control over that and I will let her make that tough decision.
My goal is to keep my family together. The way to do this is to change my behaviors. I'm counseling myself and trying to balance not being a doormat but being a good friend and father during this process. Not easy.
I'm trying to not get anxious about stuff I can't control. I still need work here but I'm trying..
You tell me to give my W what she wants or feels she wants. That doesn't make sense cuz what she feels she wants is a D. I'm not going to promote that in anyway.
Rememeber one of my objectives is to get back under the same roof and start having dialogue. Believe it or not I slept over Sat, Sun, and Monday night and it wasn't akward for me at all. I don't know if it was akward for her because we don't talk R. I just was a helpful dad and friend to her. I did hug her a few times about the dog but she was an absolute mess. I was careful not to over do this either because I didn't want her to think my hugs were for me. They truly were for her. I swapped to rubbing back when she was crying and just letting her know she was a perfect dog owner etc..
So I am trying to work on myself. I do struggle here I admit it. I'm in limbo and not busy enough with my work.
I'm trying to not push her away emotionally with boundaries but trying to have some boundaries so I don't get wiped out emotionally. Not easy at all.
I believe I have been giving my W what she wants which is space. I don't question a thing she does or ask her a thing she does.
KD am I missing something here or is your viewpoint different from DB.
I am not trying to force my W to be M to me. If she wants to move on and D me then she can. I can't control that. From what I learned and read on this forum and DB is not to fly off the handle with emotions and get a L or mediator. Let her do the work on that. Let her set it up and invite me to the session.
You don't have to leave me alone I'm trying to understand. I understand the don't miss you if you don't away. But man I'm away. I was around this Easter for the kids and then my dog passed.
How do you see me pursuing? So I understand. What does "PA" way mean.
By saying "own your own failures and your mistakes and move on" you r suggesting I go for a D?
FYI the only time I saw my W change her attitude toward me and our R was when she talked to a friend that told her to think long and hard about D. That wasn't me bro.
Yes my W wants a D, doesn't want to be M.
I don't get what your suggesting I do. Have zero contact with her?? I truly try to limit the contact with her man. its not easy with 2 kids.
