Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 12 1 2 9 10 11 12
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
Breathe..............

Quote:
I almost think the only thing holding me back is the kids and that isn't right.


It may not be right, but it is certainly understandable.

Breathe..............

I don't recall, but have you consulted an attorney? If not, you might want to make an appointment.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
I'm trying to breathe but at some point 2thepoint it takes "2". My kids and family is worth fighting for but we need to get our concerns out on the table. I have seen 2 lawyers and they both said divorce [censored] try to reconcile

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
We can't give you an answer. That is up to you unfortunately. I used to spend alot of energy like you on worrying and wondering about what my W was going to do. I decided to channel that energy into myself and only myself.

The problem with a "timeline" is that you will always have expectations. Once you let that thought go, things happen. Look up the Stockdale paradox. That may put things in perspective.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
Originally Posted By: netmaster
I'm trying to breathe but at some point 2thepoint it takes "2". My kids and family is worth fighting for but we need to get our concerns out on the table. I have seen 2 lawyers and they both said divorce [censored] try to reconcile


OK, so it would appear that you would like to reconcile your marriage. However, your posts increasingly demonstrate the opposite. If you desire reconciliation, then you really have to get good at the DB stuff. When your W goes off, stick to your boundary of civil discourse and if it an't happening, then walk away.

When you engage, you drive her deeper in her rage which in turn drives her further away from you and closer to divorce. Get good at DB, re-read the books, detach more and GAL. These efforts will serve you best if in fact reconciliation is your goal.

If divorce for you is the path you feel is best, then you know what to do.

It is time to make a choice and stick to it. Wouldn't you agree?

Also, don't feel like you are alone in this. We all are struggling with the same concerns and challenges as you. None of this is easy! You will have good and bad days. Mark the good days and discard the bad ones. That will sustain when the road gets rough!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
Mr. Bond did you ever reconcile

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Not yet.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Net, being here is not just about reconciling even tho that's what brings us here after the bomb when all we can think about is, how can I live without Spouse?

Being here and digging deep is about saving yourself, making yourself into the person you want to be, being able to create your own happiness.

The statistics are that 50% of all first marriages fail and 60% of second marriages.

Why do you think that is?

If you were totally over W and you got into another R, how would you be different? Not what kind of woman you would choose, nothing about her cycles.

How would YOU be different?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
I would be honest, trustworthy, loyal, caring, and a better listener. I would try not to be so intense with less anxiety. That is what I am working on today. It is hard work

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Yes, it is hard work.

Tell us how you would be honest.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Page 11 of 12 1 2 9 10 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard