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#2244448 - 05/11/12 04:35 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land

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#2244571 - 05/11/12 07:26 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
No, no contact at all. She called tuesday or wednesday night but I didn't answer and my voice mail is full. I deactivated my facebook. I am trying to move on. I told her I was moving on. So, I don't see the point in a conversation anymore. I fixate on her having sex with other people. Yes, I know don't worry about things that you can't control on all that but it still floods my mind constantly and I have to push it out. Yes, I think she is having sex to get her fix. I can't believe that she has turned to this. Before, she always had her parents or me to give her money but now neither of us are giving her money. She smokes, and has to get someone to buy those for her. I said from the start that I need to get over this and that is my plan and what I want. I can't forgive, I am not a big enough person to forgive and forget those actions. It will always be an issue for me. So, I can't take her back therefore I must move on. Sounds simple-but it is not.

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#2244572 - 05/11/12 07:35 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
Yes.. it is all simple... just emotionally difficult in the beginning...

The future will unfold as you move forward. You feel that you will not forgive and that is OK. Maybe you won't... and maybe one day you will... it is OK for you to feel you will not... forgetting...? if we forgot, we'd never have learned "the lesson"...

Get your feet under you and start making some forward steps into a future that is focused on you, your well being, and any hopes and dreams specifically for yourself that is not focused on your W...

You know what we say here and it is true... it will get better... be well...

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#2245178 - 05/14/12 10:25 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Today, I feel a little different about things. I am sorry for the people on the board that have a good spouse that they neglected in some way by not meeting their needs and their M is worth saving. I think it is really much easier for me even though I am screwed in the head and am super co-dependant, because my wife is crap, she really doesn't deserve me or anyone. Her own parents took custody of her child. I really should be jumping for joy that I don't have to worry about what she will pull next.

I always said I wanted to life my life on the plains with no peaks and valleys. I know that is impossible, there will always be ups and downs. They just don't have to be the sky and the Grand Canyon.

My x thought I was neglecting her if I didn't get her pills. Would throw a massive fit and try to embarrass me somehow with others. Well, all those people saw right through her. They tell me now, to run. Everyone. Not one person has a good thing to say about her. I really never knew how people really thought of her.

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#2245196 - 05/15/12 12:32 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
AprilT Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 127
Loc: Georgia
Par you probably did....you just never acknowledged it. It's funny what you remember and how much you can't forget once our fog lifts.....

Good thoughts are going out to you....hang in there.

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#2245251 - 05/15/12 07:43 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: AprilT]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
No, I really didn't do anything but bail her out all the time. I am not taking responsibility for the problems. Yes, I got mad at her for the drugs, I tried to be nice about them, I tried to get her help, I tried everything. I did not do a damn thing except be a loving husband with concern when she went off the hook. Nope, I have thought about this for a long time. I did not abuse her, the only thing I did not provide was more pills for her and that was her love.

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#2245259 - 05/15/12 10:34 AM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
robb Offline
Member

Registered: 09/21/03
Posts: 118
Loc: Virginia
Keep working on yourself par4me. I've not read the entire thread, just bits and pieces, but sounds like you are making strides with yourself. Stay strong. You deserve it.
_________________________
Me:53
W:50
M:29 years
T: 30 years
Children: S21, D12

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#2245359 - 05/15/12 04:58 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: robb]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I feel good today guy. Thanks for all your help. X emailed me today-I blocked her number from my phone and canceled my facebook so that is the only way she can get me. She denid her affairs over and over all except one and she didn't mention it. She said that I have been spreading rumors about her. Well, unless one of you guys knows her-I haven't spoken to a soul about it. Not one person that knows her except my mother and my mom has not talked to her.

Why the heck would she say that she thought I was talking about her when I know for a fact that she has not heard that. It would be impossible unless one of you told her I was posting which is highly unlikly. lol

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