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Mrbond,

Tks for your advice.

My spouse is someone who don't like people to be to harsh with her. That is part of the reason she cannot take it anymore and want a divorce.

About her parent, I have sit down and talk to him last Sunday. Even things have been said, I don't think it can be settle. That is not to my concern. I am working to reconcile my wife not them

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"My spouse is someone who don't like people to be to harsh with her. "

No one said you had to be harsh with her. However you cannot let her dictate everything in your life. YOU don't ask for her permission to do something if you feel strongly about it. You don't yell or argue, you just say "this is what I am going to do..." and do it.

Like if you want to take your son out and your in-laws say 'no', then talk to a L to see what your rights are and do it.

"I am working to reconcile my wife not them"

This is true, however she will be getting advice from them and if they have an issue with you, they will go against you. You can talk to them and tell them, "I respect you as the parents of my W and the grandparents of my son. This is what I am going to do ..." "I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable about this, I do also. Right now I have to do what is right for me and my son."

And that's it.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Hi MrBond,

Actually my text message with my spouse is a discussion. So from the discussion I am asking for respect for each other point of view.

As for the in law side, father in law is not open. He pushes blame on me. He even go to that extend to say I am like a mad dog. He himself is a barbarian without he himself noticing it.

One problem with my spouse is she never want to hear people advise. But that man always want to get involve and make things worst

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by the way, I have texted her a message this morning at 5.31am (singapore time)

I am using this strategy, use the medium as message

my text message said:

"i hope you can give our relationship one more chance. Really hope we can go counseling together. I want to rebuild the relationship slowly but surely until you find both of us connected again. Love is sweeter the second time around. Look at the toy bear family I bought for GR, a family should be happy together."

She did not reply me.

Do you guys think i have done the correct thing?

I am planning to make breakfast for her and bring it to her office in the morning. She know I do not know how to cook so I will be learning how to and cook for her soon. What do you guys think?

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"So from the discussion I am asking for respect for each other point of view."

You don't ask for someone's respect. They give it to you freely. Show her that you are a man who deserves respect. Don't ask again.

"As for the in law side, father in law is not open. He pushes blame on me. He even go to that extend to say I am like a mad dog."

Did he always feel that way about you? Did you do anything that made him feel that way?

"But that man always want to get involve and make things worst"

He's doing what he feels is right to protect his daughter.

"Do you guys think i have done the correct thing?"

NO. That was a terrible text to send her. You have to understand that you cannot get her to come back by making her feel guilty.

"I am planning to make breakfast for her and bring it to her office in the morning. She know I do not know how to cook so I will be learning how to and cook for her soon. What do you guys think?"

Another terrible idea. DON'T DO IT! You can't get her back by continuing to suck up to her. I think I've mentioned to you that you need to concentrate on your son first. But you haven't done that at all. Calm down and relax.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Concentrate on my son just does not works
During our chat yesterday she mention the house will be sold. I really do not want that to happen.

And if I want to concentrate on my son, i have limited time only

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during the initial stage of the break up, I do bring a mcdonald burger down to her work place and I can sense she is touch. But she is trying to avoid me. She call her parent and ask when did they bring GR to? Then ask me to join them. But I do see smile on her face that time. I ask her when will you come home, her reply was i don't know yet.

I should have continue from there, but I never.

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"Concentrate on my son just does not works"

First of all, you haven't even tried yet. We only recommended that you do this a couple of days ago and you haven't done it. Calm down.

Tell her that you will be taking care of your son on certain days and then stick with it. If she gives you a hard time, then speak to a L. She can't withhold your son from you.


"During our chat yesterday she mention the house will be sold."

These are only words. DON'T BE AFRAID OF WORDS AND THREATS.

"I really do not want that to happen."

Understand that it's what she wants to happen. It doesn't mean that you have to let her do it. Just validate her feeling that way and then don't bring it up.

"And if I want to concentrate on my son, i have limited time only"

Again, you have to start demanding more time. Come up with a schedule and give it to her. You're concentrating too much on how to get her back. Follow the steps first and be patient. Do something that will help calm you down. Meditate, do tai chi, anything to calm you down.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I still don't recommend getting her food. It usually makes the situation worse. In fact, one of the issues she had about you was that you were too pushy and overbearing. You're still acting that way.

When you were dating, how did you act around her? What did you do?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 108
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We meet each other online and started off as friend.

We chatted almost everyday. I do not know why but I always have things to talk to her. I made her laugh with little joke.

She was studying during that time so occassionally, I will wait for her outside the school and drive her home after that. She was not my Girlfriend yet during that time. But one day I tell myself I like this girl so i started off by buying her a bouquet of rose. I ask her whether she want to me my girl but she disagree. However she told me she like the flower.

I never give up of course and I have always asked her out. She told me she is thinking of cycling so I rented a bicycle and we went cycling together. we go for normal dating activites untill one day she finally accept me as her boyfriend.

During that time we do have argument about our different but our love did not break us off. I really do not know am I really that hard a person to be with? how can that be?

I would say I am someone who dont socialise and of course I seldom eat with colleague. So during lunch time, I will normally text her and chat. I told her colleague was never close to me and her reply during that time is I promise you, me and GR will never left you. But she left me.

MrBond, are you a counselor yourself or therapist that help in marriage? If you say I am pushy by making breakfast for her, can I don't do it so often? I really miss her and really hope the smile she gave me all the while. That was the smile which first attracted me to her.

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