I have a dilemma. OW wrote on my stepson's FB page "We need to chat!!!". Now according to H, my stepson does not know anything about him and OW yet, but she is his FB friend as I have mentioned. H does not check FB often, and certainly not my stepson's page as much as I do, so he probably hasn't seen the post. SS has a lot of Senior stuff coming up, including Senior Prom next weekend, and I'll be d@mned if anything puts a damper on that. He already told me he was excited about it so I know he's looking forward to it.
I want to draw a line in the sand and tell H that I don't want OW talking to SS until we've had a chance to talk to him and explained that we are separating. Butler I'm not sure that's the right thing to do. H doesn't seem to be in a hurry to tell SS, and I don't want this to be the catalyst where he feels he needs to go ahead and say something NOW. Where is all that time you guys keep telling me I have?
Second thing - H has been scheduled for knee surgery on May 8th. I figured I could use this opportunity to foster some goodwill between us. Another one of H's issues is that he feels I'm not attentive and loving enough when he is sick. (My mother once tried to send me to school sick. Turns out I had Scarlet Fever. My mother didn't really allow time for sickness, so I ended up treating H the same way).This could be an opportunity for me to do a HUGE 180! I also think that H knows me well enough to know that once we tell the family, he'll have to leave the house. I highly doubt he plans to do that before his surgery. Especially since he's already talking about where he can be set up once he's home recuperating. (It's only orthoscopic surgery so the downtime will be less than a week)
Ro... I get where you're coming from but realize you really don't have a ton of control here.
If OW tells SS what will you do? Divorce your H? <ok... a little tongue-in-cheek there, but see my point?> Not talk to the OW?
You're right of course... your H and you need to tell your SS. He needs to hear it from you two, together, and not from the OW.
So then... since you can't control the OW you can only control what you do. If you think he needs to know, now, then you need to control your life. H can come along or not.
He's chosen to make these beds to lie in... don't let him make you prep the beds too.
Stop trying to control people you can't control. Control you. It will make you less crazy. I promise.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
WHG, if you've read any of my previous posts, you will see that I often say I only control me. A hard thing to do, but something I work on alot. I was not trying to control my H or OW. I just did not want my SS to hear from OW that the dad he idolizes is cheating on his Stepmother. That is something that should be told by his dad, which H and I have discussed.
I actually called H and told him about the post. He seemed genuinely surprised. I suggested to him that if OW was going to be chatting with SS, we should probably talk to him first (which H completely ignored). I told him I did not want SS upset and distracted from all of his senior stuff. H said he would talk to SS to see what he post was about ( Note: H didn't say he was going to talk to OW. CRAZY!). Last night the post was gone.
Btw - SS's mom would have also be inquiring about who this 30-something woman who wanted to "chat" with her 19-year old son who is still in high school.
I can imagine that you have a decent relationship with SS19, maryland...
How long have you had a relationship with him? What age was he when your R with you H began?
Forgive me if I sound out of place or rude here, but it would seem to me that SS19's knowledge of OW would be between your H and his X...
You have an R with SS19 no doubt... and it will be up to you to continue to nurture it...
He's 19 and can and will come to whatever conclusions he feels fits for him. And unfortunately, one of those conclusions might be that his dad is better with OW and that he (SS19) really likes OW...
Sorry if that's harsh... unless I'm somehow confused about you being M to your H for 3 years when the R was much, much longer??
