We are so conditioned by society and by are ourselves to "face the facts" and "read the writing on the walls". Those things are just trying to predict the future.
Last night you watched a movie with your H. I would give my little toe on my left foot to hang with my H and watch a bad movie.
He bought u a dozen of your favorite roses, told you he loves you, and you watched a movie together. Those types of things are not common on these boards.
I know we are not their and can't fully understand the tone and temperature of your sitch but these seem like positives to me.
Is it that he's not living up to your expectations? Are you angry that you are working so hard on you for your m and he hasn't reciprocated?
I recall some other recent positives coming from him as well. I know this has seemed like forever but in the grand scheme of things 4 months is not that long.
It's like how the parent of an infant thinks they have it hard, and the parent of two toddlers thinks they have it hard, and the parent of three teens thinks they have it hard. It's hard for all of them, and our pain is experienced only on our own personal scale. While for me Ro's anniversary day would be the best one I've had in years, I understand that she is not happy.
On the other hand, I can't imagine the pain of knowing my H had sex with another woman, because I don't know for a fact that has happened and so I choose to ignore the possibility. Ro can't ignore what she knows.
Ro, you're entitled to feel angry and hurt and disappointed. If you can process those feelings without acting on them, and give them time to settle in, you may eventually come around to appreciating what was good there. By the way, with his knee pain how'd he get the roses? He put some effort into recognizing the special day. He may still want to end your marriage, but then he hasn't moved out...why not? He acknowledges that you're having tough times, that's honest. Being reactive, acting out of emotion, throwing out the good because it isn't good enough, you can choose to do these things or choose not to.
Glad you got cute outfits - that's great!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I also noticed I reverted to my self-defense pattern of withdrawal.
W said she was only doing what she always does and that I had already adjusted my schedule to go in later as it is. I thanked her for that but also let her know that I would appreciate her talking to me and involving me in the plans instead of just assuming.
Saw this on ces' thread and it struck a cord with me. I ALWAYS do this. Make a decision based on what I assume is H's schedule, point of view, whatever. I think this helped contribute to his not feeling needed and like he was a hindrance more than a help. I've been working at including him in more things that require a decision or leaving it up to him to make the decision.
As far as withdrawal, that's my normal MO. I've been fighting it since I started DBing. Whenver things get tough in life, I withdraw from pretty much everything. This didn't help my M either. When H and I would have a really bad argument I would withdraw and not talk or give any affection for DAYS. My H lives for affection and words of encourgagement. So not getting them basically hurt him to the core.
