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#2238656 - 04/17/12 03:27 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: figgeroni]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Fig - I didn't thank him and didn't think of thanking him until you mentioned it. I s*ck at this, huh? Guess I can always back track and say it tonight.

Tomorrow is one of our wedding anniversaries. (We got married in the states in April, then went to the Bahamas and had a beach wedding in May) I know he remembers what day it is because we talked about it a couple of weeks ago when he mentioned he'd be out of town this weekend. (That's a whole other story)

I've been told to have no expectations. To be honest, I KNOW I have expectations about tomorrow. So instead of acting like I don't, I'm just figuring out how to not show my disappointment ahead of time, and what to do for myself instead. I know this means I am not detached enough.

Which leads me to this...my coach told me to do all this stuff - basically act like his girlfriend. I had a friend tell me that I'm focusing too much on my H. So my next thought of course is how do I balance focusing on them to do these things my coach suggested, while trying not to focus on them? I don't seem to be doing a good job of it.

So if anyone has any ideas, PLEASE let me know.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2238739 - 04/17/12 09:00 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Journaling just to keep track of this rollercoaster...

Came home today to find my husband sitting on the couch very "drained & tired". Not sure what that's about, but didn't dwell on it too much. He said he had a busy day so I said maybe your brain is tired. LOL I did notice he was wearing one of his wedding bands (he has some cheaper ones he used to wear sometimes) I had a surprised look on my face, and he saw it and said it had been in the car, but he couldn't fit it before. He said his fingers weren't as swollen so he could wear it now. I just said ok and left it alone. He's been showing me things he's working on that are in his ipad. I stopped what I was doing to make sure he knew I was listening to him.

Who is this today? I need to come up with names for his different personalities. LOL
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2238747 - 04/17/12 09:39 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8399
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Don't scare the squirrel!

Ro, about the anniv, that's a tough one. It was so hard for me in Oct to just let the day pass without acknowledgement but I did. But it was easier for me because we aren't in the same house.

I'll be thinking of you.
(maybe his wearing of the ring is an acknowledgment)
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2238765 - 04/17/12 10:26 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: labug]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Thanks La Bug!

I just got him some lower-end headphones & a Family Guy dvd. I'm just going to hand it to him, say Happy Anniversary and leave the room. Maybe I'll do it at midnight. I'm already up one drink celebrating my weight loss so far, so I should sleep good tonight. LOL I'm going to need that sleep so being tired doesn't affect my emotions tomorrow.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2238773 - 04/17/12 11:16 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8399
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Yes! I always have more most difficult days when I'm overtired.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2238851 - 04/18/12 11:06 AM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: labug]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Well, I've survived Anniversary Day so far. Gave H his gift this morning at midnight. He was asleep on the couch and was out of it. I tapped him, handed him the gift bag, said Happy Anniversary, and went and got in the bed. He came in about 5 mins later, looking sad, and hugged and kissed me. Said he was going back to read the cards. Came in again to hug and kiss me. Still looking sad. Said he hadn't forgotten; just that with his knee problems he hadn't been able to get to the stores he needed to go to. (Really dude? Ever heard of Amazon?) I just said okay, and turned over.

He woke up this morning with knee pain again, so he's at home. Said he was going in late, and he'd call me if he decided to stay home. I said okay, and left. (But I did do the kiss goodbye!) Just talked to him and he's staying home today. Has a call in to the doctor to get something for his knee. I told him to try to stay off of it, and rest it. I'm only telling this to say that I probably wasn't as supportive as I should be because I am definitely a little ticked that he didn't even have at least a card. Maybe by the next anniversary I'll be a little better about not having any expectations. But that didn't happen today. *sigh* Moving on...He seems SO out of it. I wonder if he's on something. LOL *shrug*
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2238855 - 04/18/12 11:22 AM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2741
Loc: VA
Hi Ro, ((((((hugs Ro))))) this is a hard day. You did good. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep on truckin.
_________________________
Adinva 47 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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#2238856 - 04/18/12 11:22 AM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8399
Loc: Sonoran Desert
You can start your self-care by treating yourself to something you've always wanted but didn't feel you deserved.

( shocked NOT a Brazilian waiter! shocked )
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2238858 - 04/18/12 11:29 AM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Just venting/rambling...Probably totally uncalled for and my own fault because I couldn't just let today pass as a normal day, but here goes:

Can I just say that my H can be so clueless sometimes? And an a$$! When I talked to him earlier, I told him I had texted him on my way to work but hadn't gotten a response and was worried he had fallen down or something (he can barely walk on with that bad knee), and has fallen down at work recently because of it.

So he called me back to say he was going to pick up some meds from the doctor and he was just calling me to let me know so I wouldn't be worried. And said he'll call me when he gets back so I'll know he's home. Said he was going and coming straight back home.

I almost said, Oh, so you can call and keep me in the loop on your comings and goings but you can't acknowledge that today is our anniversary? Not even with a card? GRRR

Okay, back to your day. Just had to get that out. Hey, the way I see it, at least I'm honest with you guys. Whether right or wrong! LOL Carry on...
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

Top
#2238892 - 04/18/12 01:36 PM Re: Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP! [Re: RoRoinMD]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2741
Loc: VA
You can say it. He's a clueless a$$. Yep.
_________________________
Adinva 47 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

Top
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