Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
When my ex had a break from his affair partner he was a bit of a mess. I found his parner's phone number and they were afraid that I would get her husband involved. So they had a very short break.

Your H resembles my ex in that he doesn't seem to have anything that connects him to your family unit. You do the bills, take care of S and things around the house, what is left for him to do? Maybe it is time to let him pick up the slack. I have to boogie but will check in later.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
L
LIO Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
I don't see the point of holding on to this.
He told me that he had no regrets and no remorse over his affairs. He doesn't love me and doesn't care about anything. I know that he didn't use protection with her, so now I got to go down and get tested because he sure as hell won't.

I saw his post again today, it said that he messed up the most important thing in his life and he hopes there is enough for him to recognize. I talked to him on the phone (I really need to break this off with him) about this. I have made a commitment to stop checking his blog.

He's looking for apartments today. He's also trying to serve me with the paperwork.

Every time we talk it turns into him trying to get me to agree to sign the server paperwork. He's so checked out I wish he would have just moved. I hope he finds an apartment that he can go to this weekend actually.

Ok I've got to stop - and look at ME. I'm more concerned about his feelings as if I don't have any. All the stuff he did to me, I don't process - I remove myself from it like I was watching a TV show or something. I am not following the rules that I should be. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted right now. It's very difficult raising a S with no day care, working FT and dealing with this. I'm overwhelmed in that he doesn't want to take anything from the house and is basically leaving me everything to deal with.

Father-in-law will be here for another month. Then the inlaws come. Wondering why no one can stay with him in his new apartment why they have to stay here.

My commitments this week:
1) don't check the blog
2) removed phone number from phone
3) Leave the house when he is here. I don't see the point of doing anything for him now.


So yes, I think he is the idiot. The idiot walking away.


Me& h + S
M: 13 t: 14

H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my!
I'm done. 12/12

"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
Have your in-laws stay with him. they are his family, let him deal with them. Perhaps a nice hotel near him would work?

As hard as it is you need to stop focusing on him. Stop reading what he posts, he is delusional and you already know you can't believe what he says. Put the spot light on yourself. I think you need to find some time to just relax, can your father in law watch your son since he is living there? Take some well deserved you time. What kinds of things do you like to do? Go get a new haircut or a massage, go to a coffee house and read or listen to a band. Find things that will calm you and give your spirit a boost at the same time.

Of course your H should watch your son too. He can do that at his place once he moves out. Everything that you are doing from this moment on is about making the best choices for you and your son. I found this really handy...treat your H like the mailman. Someone you can have a casual chat with but that is it, unless of course it concerns your child.

Do NOT get into relationship talks with him or try to make him see reason. Don't answer the phone everytime he calls as long as you have voice mail or an answering machine(this is only in case the call has something to do with your child).

Your H is going to be really down about his affair ending and is going to do all those unattractive behaviors we do/did in order to try and win her back. I hope he comes to his senses but it can take a while, just like it does for us.

hugs, kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 283
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 283
LIO,

I had the same reaction from my H about his affair. He shows no remorse and is so 'checked out.' He has not even tried since I've found out everything to work on things with us. He 'says' he's replayed our whole relationship (8 years) in his head and doesn't know where it went wrong, but that he just knows his feelings aren't there for me anymore.

He has since rented an apartment and changed his address. We also have separated all of our things: bank accounts, bills, etc.

I don't really think it makes it easier that he has his apt...just more of a reminder in a way that this is not going exactly how I want!

However, my best advice is to GAL. I've been out more with friends and family and have even made new friends. It's hard to do and it's not what I want, but it's getting me through the hard times!


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
You need to take control of the one thing you can...yourself.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 283
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 283
I completely agree Kat and am learning that more and more every day!!


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
me, too. i was just sitting around the house, feeling sorry for myself and OBSESSING about him and what he was thinking and what he would do...

last weekend i went to a jazz festival BY MYSELF! yeah, it felt a little different and yeah, i saw lots of couples but it also was very nice; sitting under the oak trees, listening to the music, eating, looking at the artists' stalls...i even bought a hat!

tomorrow, i'm taking my two grandchildren to an art festival! i felt so much better after the jazz festival that i know i will feel better going to this one, too! it makes me feel a part of humanity again; back in with PEOPLE! it's made me so much happier and that makes it so much EASIER to not call him or email him. he actually texted me today and i waited three hours to answer him. he called my cell and i didn't call back! it's because i can see a life without him if need be and i know i can make my own happpines!


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
When I first went to the movies alone, I learned to not go to early. That way I wouldn't focus on all of the couples around me.

A few months after the divorce, I saw a wedding party. I so had to fight myself from running over to the bide and say "Don't do it! He is going to cheat on you, lie to you and break your heart!". Thankfully, that feeling is pretty much gone! I know there are good guys out there, I have faith in that.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
L
LIO Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
Thank you Kat, Hopingandpraying and SS - It is so helpful to know that I am NOT the only one here.


I was on the phone with girlfriend and had a 'tail' with me. I was folding laundry and talking and had an audience on the stairs. Then walked into the closet, where someone had to immediately go take a bath right next the room. I'm ignoring H. So far no talks of signing serving paperwork. I did ask him about his apartment hunting though.


Tonight I'm GALing. Not sure what I'm off to - but just leaving the house for awhile. Maybe go see The Hunger Games.


Me& h + S
M: 13 t: 14

H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my!
I'm done. 12/12

"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
This is a new place for me to visit. I am over on surviving. Please feel free to post over there if you need me. This hasn't become a habit for me to check here but I am working on it.

I know how crazy you can feel while this is happening. You guys aren't alone.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard