Agree with everyone ^^^^^^. Your need to take control. If your H cant get his act together then good, maybe you're in command then and can tailor this to what works for you. Tough [censored] if he gets pissed. He's choosing to leave so much burden on you.
I am kind of over doing anything to "get" my h back. I don't want to sabotage myself but I am trying my best to move on.
I still haven't told many people that we are broken up and I don't care if I tell people or not. It's still hard for me to say to casual friends "we are not together right now". When the truth is "he left me". So instead I say nothing.
I know my h is pissed that I dont tell the world that we are separated. Especially when woman I know approach him like we are together - that LEDs my h to be pissed at me for several days.
I want to address this with my h in a reasonable way. Again I am over trying to bite my tongue too much but I don't want screw myself.
What I would like to say is "it's still very hard for me to discuss our separation but you should go ahead and let who ever know that we are not together"
And I do want to say something. I feel like I need to speak up for myself regardless of how pissed my h will be. He always finds a way to hate me anyway.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Brklyn it is not your job to smooth things over for him. You tell people what You are comfortable with. It is not your problem if he gets pissed. You have to stop fixing. How do you know that he hates u? Has he said that?
You have to be strong. You are not this weak person. Do you remember how strong u once were?
Read the 37 rules again.
Ps I know how strong and proud we from Brooklyn are ok
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I agree w/ Rick BK. You are not responsible for h's emotions, never have been, never will be. If he gets pissed about something that he perceives you did or didn't do then so be it.
It seems like they can find anything and spin it into us doing something wrong so they can be mad.
You decide who you want to tell and what you want to say, not him. Your living your life for you and your kids now.
I am kind of over doing anything to "get" my h back. I don't want to sabotage myself but I am trying my best to move on.
As ironic as it may sound, it is when you have truly reached the point of letting go and you no longer care if you and your H ever get back together again, that you have your best opportunity of actually getting back together.
Busto once told me that when you finally let go and begin to pull away, if there are any emotional strings that attach you two, it is then that those strings will go taut and begin to pull your H back towards you.
And so it would seem that in spite of everything you have done, the effort, the pain and the tears, now you must just let go and move on if there is any chance to bring your H back.
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
I know my h is pissed that I dont tell the world that we are separated. Especially when woman I know approach him like we are together - that LEDs my h to be pissed at me for several days.
I want to address this with my h in a reasonable way. Again I am over trying to bite my tongue too much but I don't want screw myself.
What I would like to say is "it's still very hard for me to discuss our separation but you should go ahead and let who ever know that we are not together"
You know, from my perspective it really is none of your H business who you choose to discuss your private R matters with. If I were you I'd ignore his angry outburst. It is just another consequence of his actions that he will have to live with.
I also think it is time for some serious boundary setting. If you are truly done, then the boundaries regarding any interaction you two may have should be clearly defined and adhered to.
Again, this is just part of the letting go process. Once these boundaries are established, you will feel more in control of your life and your emotions and then maybe, just maybe, you H will begin to feel the tug on these remaining heart strings that still tie you two together.
So, are you really ready to let go?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I wont go so far as to say I dont care if we get back together or not. I have two babies that want a Mommy & Daddy that live with them and love each other. So I do care, I do want my H to return to our life. But I am done trying to convince him to choose us. It pretty obvious to anyone that he is giving up a sweet package but I am not going to try to get him to see that any more. He is a fool or a crazyman.
So my H this morning handing off the girls and he mentions the woman I am friends with that didnt know we are broken up. Since my H will never say what he is really thinking, the mere mention of her shows me that my instinst was correct. That H was angry that I hadnt told her.
2tp - I totally agree - its none of his business who I discuss this with.
Our exchange was fine. We went for a coffee together with the girls. No anger and no chemistry.
I am really going to enforce some boundaries and have H see the girls every other weekend. Not just come over whenever convinent. This way I can plan my life a little more.
My job ended yesterday, so I am excited to get back to my home life with the girls. I will definitely have more time now for hobbies and GALing cause working full time (and lots of ,OT) plus being a single mom aint easy people.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Ver - I havent really seen any changes in my H behavior towards me. He is cold and distant. My H ILYBNILWY speech came totally out of no where. We were bidding on a house at the time. I knew our relationship wasnt perfect but we snuggled every night and I thought both deeply loved each other. Since the night he told me he didnt love me, he has not budged an inch closer to me. He has said he sees my changes but it too late he is too broken, its too over, he feels nothing for me.
It is so much clearer now, almost a year later how little this had to do with me. I was not the perfect W but my H actions are a complete meltdown. To go from "I love you" one day to never giving me another chance when we have 2 young daughters together is insane. He really is a fool. I pray for him.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
That's all you can do is pray for them. I used to pray for him to come back. To come to his senses. Now I pray that I heal from all this so I can be a better mom.
My two little ones need a healthy mom, as do yours. ((((HUGS))))
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
