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#2238203 - 04/16/12 10:24 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: sayitaintso]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8536
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Great, strong response!

I know this is hard for you. ((BK))
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2238422 - 04/16/12 09:49 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: labug]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
SIAS, I love that you found the humor in my H email. It has relieved a lot of tension recently being able to laugh at his nonsense.

labug - I cant tell you how much it means to me that you thought my response was great & strong. I doubt myself and worry too much sometimes if I am DBing enough or if I am doing this wrong for my daughters or just worry. I need to trust that all the new information I have in my mind that I can come up with reseasonable responses.

H texted me today asking if he could see the girls one day during the week since he would be off from work. I said "Sounds good. Let me know which day". I am happy with that response. My L/father is the bad guy, the legal aspect will be tight but we can still resolve smaller day to day stuff together.

ALso went to an Alanon meeting tonight. First meeting in a while that clicked for me. Really made me remember this is not my fault. I didnt cause it, I cant control it and I cant cure it.

I think one aspect of DBing that has been confusing for me is accepting my contributions for the problems in our relationship but not blaming myself. I blamed myself for many many months. And I can still fall into blaming myself very easily.

So happy to have you guys as my friends. This board is a blessing
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2238910 - 04/18/12 02:21 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
Interacted with H a bit today, since he picked up the girls. He was supposed to have them until tomorrow afternoon but now claims work emergency tomorrow so they will be back tonight. Also he was supposed to have the kids all weekend and now he will just have them Sat night till Monday morning. Another work issue.

The difference now is that H is learning that I am doing him a favor by taking the girls and being flexible with the schedule. Because my L/father has insisted we have a set schedule now every time my H has to ask me for allowances I am being nice and helping him out. Previously when I helped him out he treated it like it was a given.

H is taking the girls to see his brother, SIL & their 3 kids this afternoon. They live 6 hours away so this is a special treat. Also SIL is fighting lymphmia (her diagnosis was what began my H MLC). I know his brother & SIL are pro marriage and are shocked by my H sudden abandonment of us.

I wish I wasnt at all hopeful that she will say something to snap H back to his senses. But I have a sliver of hope.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2238922 - 04/18/12 03:00 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hi BklynMom, are you doing anything for you while he has the kids with him for this visit? I would love to see you do something nice for you smile

I think you are doing great right now!! Way to go!
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2238923 - 04/18/12 03:02 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
fightingforit Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/12
Posts: 96
Hi BklynMom,
I can totally relate to your situation, reading your posts gives me hope that I can stick to my DB better, without being so emotional. My FIL who is very, very close with my H has Leukemia, diagnosis got much worse in November, and our MC said directly to him that that is what this is about. He is going to see him this weekend, but it only makes my H stand more firm in what he is doing when FIL tells him he is making the biggest mistake of his life. Not sure where I will be when he comes out of it, feels like too much damage already. It's hard not to take "the script" personally. Wishing you well today.
_________________________
M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets

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#2238936 - 04/18/12 03:59 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: BklynMom

I wish I wasnt at all hopeful that she will say something to snap H back to his senses. But I have a sliver of hope.


The longer I'm in this and the more I read I don't think it would help if Jesus came to visit our WAS and say something to them to help them snap out of it. They are on a path of their own that for some reason they must take. Nothing we can do but work on us and be the best we can be.

I'm glad he's spending time with your girls, they deserve to have their father in their lives, albeit not as much as you would like.

And sorry about your SIL.

Try to enjoy some time off. You deserve some "BK" time as hard as it can be to do something enjoyable for yourself.

Be well BK!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2238955 - 04/18/12 05:40 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: sayitaintso]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
Thanks for the love guys.

Just got back from yoga. So nice. Totally needed it.

Now I have to gear up and clean my super dirty & messy apartment. Ugh! no fun.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2239103 - 04/19/12 08:09 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
Went for a run this morning and what was I am so proud of is not the run itself but the fact that I went, even though, I didnt have enough time to run the route I wanted to, my ipod wasnt charged, & I couldnt find my water bottle. The old Bkyln needed everything to be perfect before I could do anything, now I just do it.

Whoo hoo. Yeah me!!
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2239104 - 04/19/12 08:12 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1021
Sounds like a great start to the day BM! Hope the rest of your day goes well also! ((BM))
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2239126 - 04/19/12 09:32 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: ces67]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8536
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Hey BK, I can see such change in you since last fall when we all met up here. You are much calmer, more introspective, and most of all you speak up for yourself and have slowly begun to take control of your life.

I just see so much good that has come from all the bad.

Don't answer with "Yes, but there are bad days blah blah..." I know that, we all have them. smile

Enjoy the good stuff.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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