Still on the rollercoaster...HANDS UP!

[RoRoinMD]

I came home to a dozen of my favorite roses, and a card. The card just said Happy Anniversary in the front. The message on the inside will explain why I am laying in bed with the covers up to my eyebrows: "Things have been very difficult for us this year. A lot has happened between us. But what I will never do is forget the significance of this day and what it means to us!" Then he wrote: I will ALWAYS LOVE You! Happy Anniversary. The 'o' in love was a heart. He didn't even sign his name same as Valentine's Day.

Why do I feel like this card is the same as a Dear John letter?

I did thank him and tried not to sound sad when I said thanks for the card. :-(

[MrBond]

Is he still in his A?

[RoRoinMD]

Mr. Bond, he hasn't said he's not. And as of our conversation last week, I took it that something was still going on. He never did say either way.

I do know he hasn't seen her since February, so I assume that's just making the "attraction" stronger.

[RoRoinMD]

My plan was to take myself out tonight. Since he did at least did acknowledge the day would it be rude to still do that? He's pretty much stuck at home because of his knee. A DB friend suggested that I still take some time for myself tonight, but bring dinner back and suggest watching a movie.

Why do I feel sorry for him? He's the one who "doesn't know who he is" and needs to "find himself". UGH!

[MrBond]

Then in that case go out and treat yourself. Get dressed and make yourself super attractive, tell him you're going out (don't tell him where) and just go. You already gave him a gift, there is no need to get him dinner.

Let him feel the loss. But most importantly, you have a great time.

[RoRoinMD]

I did get out for a little while. Had a meltdown on the way there, but a friend talked me off the ledge. The last part of the message my H put in the card is what he told me the night he dropped the bomb (that he would always love me, but couldn't be married to me anymore). So when I saw that in the card, it took me back there and it was a dagger through my heart all over again. I was ready to give in, say Uncle, whatever because some days the pain is just too much. Then I got a text from my FIL just saying hey. (He does not know what is going on). God has a sense of humor I tell you. So I'm in it to fight another day. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. :-/

I did end up with a couple of cute outfits for work, so today wasn't a total loss.

[BklynMom]

Write down the positives.

1. He says he loves you
2. He still lives in the home
3. you have some cute work outfits

Focus on the positives, dont focus on the A, that will make you bonkers!

[RoRoinMD]

Write down the positives.

1. He says he loves you
2. He still lives in the home
3. you have some cute work outfits

Focus on the positives, dont focus on the A, that will make you bonkers!

Thanks BK! I needed that reminder. Being negative is one of the things I'm working on stopping. I've been doing fairly well not thinking about the A. Today was just a hard day, I guess. I don't know how other people are totally fine on their anniversary if they are the LBS. I guess its something I'll have to learn how to do.

[RoRoinMD]

We ended up watching a movie (Rango) together last night, which I fell asleep during. LOL

I just have to say, given its a new day, I still feel that my M is over. I'm not going to stop DBing, because I know that he 180s and other changes are really for me. But I can also see the writing on the wall, and my H hasn't budged from wanting to leave in the 4 months I've been doing this.

Just some of the thoughts running through my head this morning.

[BklynMom]

We are so conditioned by society and by are ourselves to "face the facts" and "read the writing on the walls". Those things are just trying to predict the future.

Last night you watched a movie with your H. I would give my little toe on my left foot to hang with my H and watch a bad movie.

Write a gratitude list!